


Across the Road

by marsnmango



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Angels, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Death but not really but lots of 'death', Haitani is a little bit yandere, M/M, My First AO3 Post, Not My Fault, Reapers, Ritsu has the worst luck, Smut, Supernatural Elements, Surprisingly sexual, attempts at symbolism, pun intended, you'll get it when you read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-12 08:30:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 70,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11158101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsnmango/pseuds/marsnmango
Summary: In an attempt to save a stranger, Onodera Ritsu is struck by a driver-less semi. His survival is nothing short of a miracle. However, the accident leaves him hospitalized, traumatized, anemic, and most importantly——unable to die. Furthermore, no one can recall seeing the stranger he saved at the scene of the accident.





	1. Chapter 1

Late and restless, Ritsu pushed through the early-morning crowd of busy men and women as he rushed to school. He was in junior high; a third year with a penchant for literature. 

His school loomed a block away, across the street and up an unforgiving incline. Some ways across from it, and perhaps doubly intimidating, was the Onodera publishing firm, of which his father and mother were the CEOs. 

No one else seemed to notice it. The building that ruled him. 

Whether the humidity or the sudden burst of pressure welling up in his gut, he found himself stalling at the sidewalk-- in spite of the crowd that was quickly maneuvering past him. He was unable to move forward, somehow, as if his doubt had manifested into a gavel and struck him. 

“Oh God, get out of the way!” somebody screamed; when he lifted his head, he saw the crowd--the one that had previously surrounded him--scattering into a million different pieces. 

The panic was undeniably a direct result of the semi-truck veering off in all directions with a collapsed driver in the front seat, presumably flooring the accelerator. 

For the briefest instant, Ritsu feared something more than the possibility of disappointing his parents. His legs shook. His body felt numb and through his veins coursed the adrenaline of impending death. 

“This is it… I’m going to die!” 

He could have suffocated then and there from the fear of not knowing, but darted across the street because his life depended on it. 

What stilled him, as he nearly crossed the intersection, was a phenomenon that could have only boiled down to ‘stupid intuition’. Because most curiously, he turned his head to find that he was not the only civilian that hadn’t adequately fled. The boy that remained had his back towards the crowd quite boldly, and he faced the truck as though he could halt it on sheer power of will alone. 

“He’s going to die.” 

Somehow, the notion was just as scary as it had been when it was his life on the line. 

“Th-That’s dangerous, get out of the way!” 

With courage that seemed to bubble over and steer him, he grabbed the man by his shoulders and pulled. It was effective in terms of startling the man out of his supposed stupor, and he hit the ground.  
But there was little else interfering with the epidemic, and thereafter the accounts of what happened that day become unclear. 

Some say that the truck sent his body flying during his great escape, to the other side of the intersection and to safety. Others assert that the kid who was scrawny and dazed to begin with merely seized the opportunity to throw himself in front of it. Nonetheless, as the truck wedged itself between a streetlight and a traffic divider, his unmoving body was being loaded into the back of an ambulance. 

Above him, he recalled bright, fluorescent lights and the desperate faces of the nurses and doctors who tried to stifle the blood loss. 

One would think that death would hurt, but he felt nothing. Nothing in his pale, white fingers except the vague and incoherent longing to touch something; perhaps the binding of those books he’d never finished, and there weren’t many. 

Even as he awoke, he felt nothing on his physical body. 

But psychologically, he was in the wake of tremendous fear and anxiety. The type that proceeds a nightmare in which reality and fiction blur together. 

“Where… Where am I…? Mom…?” he looked around the room a bit, although his head would not budge much. “Dad…?” 

In that room, he was alone with the exception of a nurse who was apparently in the middle of replacing his IV drip. She looked startled, at first, and then offered a smile of relief. “It’s good to see that you’re awake… Please try not to move so suddenly, or you’ll upset your injuries. Let me know if there’s anything I can--” 

“What’s going on? Am I… Am I dead?!” he knew he shouldn’t have had to ask, but survival seemed too unreal.

She shook her head, “No! Not at all. In fact, your survival was so miraculous that the doctors recorded it as one of the most successful recoveries in--” 

“Wait, what time is it?!” he searched frantically for a clock, in the hopes that, by some luck, he would have time to make it to school when this was all over. But his eyes were too blurry; as if he had just woken from a long nap and the world hadn’t come into focus. 

The nurse turned around and read it for him, “It’s four in the afternoon, you’ve been asleep for three days now.” 

“Th-Three days?!” he jolted upright and his heart monitor began to fluctuate rapidly. This worried the nurse quite a bit, so she rushed to his bedside and urged him back down. 

“Please, don’t move so much! The impact could have easily shattered your spine and your body is weak from paralysis. If you try to get up now, it could have severe consequences!” 

“I don’t care! I need to get out of here!” 

Down the hall, another voice was heard, as well as loud footsteps. “Ma’am, you can’t go in there. Ma’am!” 

The door burst open nonetheless, and the woman who he immediately recognized to be his ‘fiancee’ appeared. “An!” He felt some guilt welling up in his gut, but this was actually the first time that he could recall being happy to see her. 

“Ritsu!” she embraced him immediately. “I’ve been so worried. Thank God, you’re awake!” 

He intended to return the embrace, but found it difficult to lift his arms. He felt nothing and for a moment, he panicked, believing that he was truly paralyzed. “A-An?” 

The nurse noticed, and although she did not condone the presence of a visitor, she conceded, “Don’t be afraid. As I said, your limbs are exhausted from non-use. Give it some time and you’ll be as good as new!” 

The fact that his status wasn’t permanent relieved him, and he sighed. An didn’t seem phased by his inability to return the hug, and she brushed some hair out of his face. 

He looked up at her, “Where… are mom and dad?” 

She wore a slight frown, “They’ve come by to check on you once or twice…” yet that information seemed to bring her some discomfort. “They’ve gone back to work now, but told me to inform them right away when you woke up.” 

“Oh…” it figured that work would have kept them busy. It was a weekday, after all. “I see. Well then, it can’t be helped.” His heart skipped a beat as his mind returned to the accident. The last thing he recalled, before the truck hit him: that boy who he may or may not have saved. 

“Wait-- What happened to that man!” Once again, his heart monitor mirrored his anxiousness. 

An, and the nurse as well, gave him a puzzled look. “What man, Ritsu?” 

The nurse frowned. “I’m afraid you and the driver were the only casualties; no one else was brought in for treatment, that I know of.”  
‘Casualties’ felt strange to his ears. And he wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved that he’d saved the man or dread the fact that he’d gotten himself a direct ticket to ER. 

“But… I…” 

The door swung open and the doctor walked in. A young, dark-haired woman carrying a clipboard of the patient’s records. She glanced at An, briefly, but offered only a smile. “It’s good to see that you’ve woken up, young man. You had us worried for a minute there…” 

He was filled with questions, but was too confused to voice them. 

He survived, and although anyone would have been moved to tears by such a blessing, he felt ill. As if he had just misstepped a crucial part of his existence. 

“I’m alive. But...” 

The woman flipped a page, and brought the clipboard down to him, “Take a look at this.” 

The page was a printout of a heart monitor, except it was not a reflection of his heartbeat but an undeniable flatline. He clutched his chest, and felt guilt. “The driver…?” 

“He was declared dead at the scene,” she frowned, “but that is not what we’re showing you. This is your heart monitor, Onodera. What you’re looking at…” she flipped the page again. What is showed was a gradual transition; from a flatline to a steady array of mountaintops. “Is nothing short of a miracle.” 

The beating in his chest rapidly increased until there were tears in An’s eyes, as she urged him desperately to lay back down and rest. Although he had done nothing but rest for the past few days. For her as well, the gravity of the situation was coming down hard. The fact that she had almost lost her childhood friend and fiancee in one, fatal incident scared her. 

But it scared him even more—

—because he had known, even before waking, that he was not meant to be here, breathing. 

-

All hopes of being discharged any time soon were crushed by the curious doctors and the concerned nurses who demanded that he stay behind until his condition stabilized. His parents did not object to this, but instead requested that he be allowed to catch up on his studies when able, and that the matter in its entirety was kept under wraps. 

It was a month and three, agonizingly long weeks before his rehabilitation was complete. Even then, he was to go about returning to life with moderation and consistently attend physical therapy. Moreover, returning to school was still up in the air and for the moment, it was decided that he’d resume his studies at home, with a tutor. 

Friday afternoon, he was dropped off in front of the P.T. center and bid goodbye to the driver. There was a vending machine not far from the door, and it was full of healthy treats and drinks with nutritional properties. They were bland in taste, but he was parched and in dire need of nutrients wherever he could get them, since the accident had left him anemic. 

When the can popped out of the machine, he reached to pick it up. 

“--Crap!” but the can slipped through his palms, and when he looked down at them, his fingers trembled. Occasionally, these things would appear: reminders of the accident that ruined him. 

There was laughter behind him and he turned around quickly, startled as there had been no prior sign of anyone nearby. But that sort of thing was easy for someone in his condition to miss. 

It was a boy, roughly his age, with brown hair and an amused gleam in his eye. He bent down to pick up the can and tossed it back to him. 

He managed to catch it this time, and offered apprehensively, “Oh… Thank you.” 

“No problem. I figured you’d need some help there.” he slipped his hands into his pockets and looked around, “So, what are you in for?” 

“Uh… what?” 

It was that boy’s turn to look confused, until he relented, “... You know what type of place this is, right? It’s a rehabilitation center for geezers that want to stay in shape and losers like me who got into a wreck. It’s how I did this.” he held up his arm, and for the first time, Ritsu noticed that it was in a cast. 

“Oh… I’m sorry about that--” 

Haitani laughed, “No, not you too! Don’t pity me like that… Besides, you’re in the same boat, right? Must have messed up your hand pretty badly when you got hurt. So, what’d you do?” 

He was hesitant about whether or not he could reasonably consider telling this guy, this total stranger about what incapacitated him… But was this the type of information that could really be withheld? 

“I… was hit by a truck.” he steadied his fingers and managed to open his can. He took one large nervous swig from it. 

“Oh, I see!” he looked Ritsu up and down, “You wouldn’t think that by looking at you… But I guess that would explain why you’re so thin. Hey, here’s an idea… Your session probably starts soon, right?” 

He nodded. 

“Well, mine just ended. So whenever you finish up, I’ll take you out to ramen. Sounds good?” 

He was hesitant, for obvious reasons. Was it alright to eat with a stranger? And he wasn’t too familiar with eating out, so it could be troublesome… Nonetheless, “S-Sure!” 

“Great!” Haitani slapped his back, unwittingly throwing him off balance (of which he thankfully recovered quickly) and headed towards a bench. “I’ll see you then.” 

“O...Okay.” he breathed a sigh of relief when he was gone. 

Of course he was nervous. He’d spent so long in the hospital that real people seemed like a dream. 

-

As it turned out, Haitani was a good person to have around. Differences aside, he was polite and patient enough to stomach his inability to order his own food under pressure, or operate simplicities like subway tickets. 

Haitani came from a small family and he’d come all the way out to the city in order to attend school with a good literature program, so he was with a relative for the time being. From there, they decided they had more in common than expected. 

Although their backgrounds were different, their interests were more or less the same and they were free to share the struggle of resuming daily life while coping with an injury. He made it easier to cope with the fact that he wouldn’t be returning be returning to school until 10th year. 

One evening, they sat together eating ramen, at the shop that they frequented. Haitani had mentioned something about his brother’s new job, but Onodera’s focus was solely on the window. 

In a daze, he did not notice when a hand was in front of his face, until Haitani pinched his cheek and reclaimed his attention. “What’s with you? Did you see a ghost?” 

“H-Huh?!” he was shaken out of his stupor quite dumbly. A ghost? 

It was possible. 

Nothing unusual had happened, per-say. An ambulance had gone by and this was commonplace in a city with such a dense population. What caught his attention was the head of black hair on the opposite side of the street, with eyes that seemed to pierce him, although he was not sure if the eye contact was intentional. 

There was something unshakable about the familiarity in the man’s build, the way his hair fell around his shoulders and his posture that was naturally gloomy somehow. 

He shook it off, “Ah, sorry! I thought I saw a cat.” 

“A cat?” he laughed and took a swig of his soda, “I didn’t know you were such a child, ha!” 

Again, his attention was on the window. But there was no such person to be seen. 

“Of course someone else in this city has black hair…!” 

“Uh, what was that?” 

Ritsu jerked his head up in surprise upon the realization that he’d spoken out loud. “A-Ah, nothing! Sorry, what were you saying? Your brother got a job and…” 

“Woah, I said that three minutes ago! So you really weren’t paying attention…” he leaned forward “What’s got you so worked up? Did you really see a ghost or somethin’?” 

He struggled to find the right words. It should have been as simple as saying that he recognized someone from the accident, but… So far there were no confirmed reports of the man he had saved. And from what he could tell, there were no recollections of anyone like that even being there. The witnesses involved occasionally visited him in the hospital, and were just as curious as he was about the ordeal. 

And as much as he’d like to attribute it to a trick of the light, this was a trick he’d experienced twice now. 

“N-No…” 

Awkward silence passed between them for a moment. Until Haitani’s smirk widened and he scrutinized Ritsu intensely. “It couldn’t be… Perhaps you saw a girl?” 

He shook his head frantically, “No, it’s nothing like that…! Besides…” he slumped a little. 

Haitani noticed, and it killed the fun so he sat back down. “Oh, right, right… Arranged marriage or whatever. You haven’t told your folks that you’re backing out of it?” 

The very idea seemed impossible. He gripped his chair and shook his head, “No, I… I can’t.” 

“Well, I’ll be the best man at your wedding!” he put his chopsticks down and asked for the bill. “Oh, by the way… You just had your last P.T. session, right? We should go celebrate!” 

“Oh…” he wondered if this meant he’d get a break from Haitani. Sometimes it was hard to handle his eccentricism, though he wasn’t bad to be around. 

It’s just that he said too much, occasionally. Were all teenagers like this? Though he was only a few years older. 

“So? Whataya think? Any special movie you’ve been wanting to see? Let’s make it a date!” 

“A movie…?” he considered it. Then the sentence registered with him and he nearly choked on his tea. “A-- A date?!” 

Once again, Haitani laughed quite loudly and gathered his belongings, urging Ritsu to do the same as they’d already covered the bill. “You’re so fun to tease, did you know that? Anyway, let’s hit a movie! You’ve got nothing else to do all afternoon, I take it.” 

“Well…” he considered it “Ah, Akikawa Yayoi just released a new book, today! I was going to--” 

His hand was grabbed and Haitani was already leading him out of the shop, in spite of his protests. “Akikawa this, Akikawa that. It’s important to get your head out of the books once in awhile. Even I take breaks, y’know.” 

There was little else he could say to deter Haitani from his course. So he conceded to spend the rest of his afternoon at the movies or wherever else he decided to drag him. 

In any case, a movie seemed like a good distraction. 

-

The movie they had seen was not great. But it was distracting, if only because Haitani wouldn’t quit chattering about it. 

“The way the rangers fought, it looks like they did their own stunts! I was into martial arts myself, until my injury forced me to quit taking classes! But maybe some time in the future I’ll…” 

Ritsu had zoned out for the most part, and looked around warily. Sometimes he found himself paying closer attention to the street than he should have, but who wouldn’t after experiencing such a horrific accident. It was like trauma. 

But Haitani, who had grown used to his paranoia by now, had no trouble overlooking this and continuing his incessant ramblings. “And then I…” 

There, out of the corner of his eye again, he saw that person. It looked like they were situated in an alleyway between two buildings, but they did not make eye contact-- not immediately. 

It took a moment of staring, but the man looked up at Ritsu with the same amber eyes he’d seen at the shop. And there was something unshakably familiar about his features, although he could not have possibly seen them so closely on the day of the accident. But if ever there was a time to kill his curiosity… 

“I-I’ll be right back!” he declared, and Haitani managed to get a few steps ahead before it hit him. 

He turned towards Ritsu indignantly, “Hey, wait!” but was left in the dust. 

Ritsu darted across the street, and that’s when the man noticed him. As if being chased, he headed further down the alley, and was pursued. 

The alley was a shortcut through the block, apparently, except by the time he’d reached the other side, the man was lost to him. “Please wait!” he called out, although his attempts were likely fruitless. 

He ran around for a little while after until he was doubled over, exhausted and certain that he would fall over any moment now. But he had some explaining to do-- and a lot of ground to cover, considering he’d gotten much further than intended during his wild goose chase. 

It took a good 15 minutes but he had returned to where he’d left Haitani, unsurprised to find him gone. He decided to check his phone, in which a message informed him that they would meet instead at the subway. 

It was a mere 10 minutes away, and he found Haitani at the bottom of a staircase with a puzzled look on his phase. “Geez, what took you so long? Get down here so we can catch the last train already.” 

He took a few deep breaths, “A… Alright.” and lamented the fact that everything in Japan had to involve some kind of slope. In this case, a steep decline. 

He grabbed the railing and helped himself down. That was when the stone crumbled, killed his footing and sent him on a head-first tumble down a cement stairway. 

What followed was the sound of something cracking and what felt like blood oozing out of his head in copious amounts. His limbs trembled and for a moment, although he felt no pain, he was overcome with the sensation of death once again. He looked up, desperate for a hand to reach out to-- something, anything to pull him out of this terrifying inevitability, but saw nothing ahead of him except an overturned world and a man with black hair a few feet away. 

It was undeniably the man from across the street, the man from the accident, looking down at him with gloomy, amber eyes that were full of pity—

—until he was at the top of the staircase, once again. 

He blinked several times, looked around and then down at Haitani who tapped his foot impatiently. “What’s the hold up already?! You’ve been out of it since this afternoon, y’know… Did something happen during therapy?” 

Ritsu could not wrap his mind around what had just happened. It was far too vivid to be a daydream and he could practically still feel the blood on his skull, but no matter how many times he looked at the ground, at himself, nothing at all was out of the ordinary. 

He couldn’t shake the familiarity of it all. It was almost exactly how he’d felt the day he awoke in the hospital, somehow knowing that his survival was not something that should have occurred that day. 

“Onodera!” Haitani called out angrily, “Get moving already; don’t make me carry you!” 

“A-Alright, coming!” he called out, and gripped the railing tightly during his cautious descent. His friend teased him when he reached the ground, calling him an old man for being so wary of something that only those with bad hips should fear. But he was too shaken to care. 

“Is it… True..? Am I really supposed to be dead, then?!” the truth sprang through his head violently. 

The eyes of pity flashed in his mind again and he turned around. But they were the only people in the vicinity and would surely miss the last train if he delayed any longer, so he allowed Haitani to take his arm and pull him onto the subway without complaint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by my dislocated rotator cuff


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing particularly interesting happened throughout the years following the accident. He remained in close contact with Haitani, who became a close and personal friend on account of their similarities, although they attended different schools. 

School happened; Ritsu was able to attend his 10th year like a normal student without the consequences of the accident looming over him, though occasional appointments were necessary. The doctors loved probing him every now and then (as it turned out, his recovery was one of the more ‘miraculous’ events to take place at that hospital thus far). However, it never interfered with his studies and he was more or less able to socialize as he pleased. 

The only consequence he couldn’t shake was… 

His damned inability to die. 

“Where are we going?” he asked Haitani, who led him around another unfamiliar block. He hadn’t bothered to ask questions up until this point, but found himself getting anxious. 

“Good question. My place, probably.” he offered a shrug. 

“But I have to be home by…” 

“Nope!” he cut him off and pulled on his arm, harder, now that he was sure it wouldn’t break “You need to defy your parents every now and then! It’s healthy.” 

“But I…” he sighed. Another thing that hadn’t changed, perhaps even more debilitating, was his inability to stand up to his parents. On that note, the engagement with An… 

“Say hi to your girlfriend for me, by the way. She’s cute!” 

Ritsu sighed, and pulled his arm away per the condition that he would walk at Haitani’s pace. “That isn’t funny…” 

“Watching you stand there like a log while she hangs all over you is pretty funny, actually.” 

“Cut it out!” he decided to walk several paces ahead of him in an effort to stave off his teasing, something else that hadn’t changed. If anything it had only increased in its intensity and frequency. Haitani was relentless. 

Something creaked and a shadow shifted in the corner of his eye. Wary, he looked up-- 

Only to have his face smashed in by a potted plant. Though he couldn’t feel it, his smashed skull left him in a daze for a considerable amount of time. 

Until he was right back to where he started, walking in line with Haitani with a flustered face. 

As of late, he’d become much better at handling these ordeals. 

“You okay, dude? You almost tripped. Don’t pass out on me again.” he warned with a hint of concern as he slipped his hands into his pockets. 

“I’m fine.” he scratched his head subconsciously, checking for a bump or any wound whatsoever. There was none. 

When it came to having his questions answered, or solving the mystery of the stranger he rescued, he’d come to a stalemate. And it seemed that the more conclusive evidence he found, the more questions he had; and with no possible answer in sight. 

“By the way,” he smiled slightly “Have you read Akikawa’s new book…?” 

Haitani either didn’t seem to hear him or didn’t care. He turned another corner and up ahead was the complex that housed his apartment. “We’re here! My uncle should be out, so we’ve got the place all to ourselves!” 

He seemed excited enough. He led Ritsu inside and locked the door behind them before ravaging the fridge for snacks. This was commonplace, although Ritsu never could get used to the eerie vibes of the place. It just so happened that the walls were ugly and chipped enough to make the room darker than it should have been, in spite of the sunlight seeping through the curtains. 

“Want somethin’ to drink?” he offered and pulled a can of soda out of the fridge. 

Ritsu shook his head politely and followed Haitani to up to his room, where he settled by the bed with a book in hand. Haitani sat on the bed and switched the TV onto some action-oriented series that neither of them knew the name of. It was in English, as well; a language only Haitani was somewhat fluent in. 

“You give a lot of attention to those books, y’know.” he pointed out as Ritsu ignored the TV completely. 

“Ah… It’s just because Akikawa is a great writer!” he smiled. 

“Those books are just too gloomy, although you’re right.” 

It was unfortunate that they couldn’t agree here; Ritsu longed to share his passion with someone. But his friend was a lost cause to begin with, so he changed the subject. 

“Haitani… Don’t you need to study for your exams--” he was interrupted by a succession of gunshots within the television, signifying a shootout that apparently perpetuated the climax of the episode. Ritsu swallowed nervously, as he could recall being shot on one occasion. It was one of the most terrifying encounters he’s had with his curse. 

Of course, no one else would have any recollection of it; and he’d not even a scar to prove it. 

“Hold on, this is boring.” he channel surfed a few times until he found something that appeared to be live action drama. 

Ritsu perked up, “That’s the live adaptation of Akikawa’s first book! Here, the main character struggles to accept the advances of his landlord, who at first is using him to…” 

“Oh, so that’s the kind of thing you’re interested in!” he laughed “An will have a broken heart.” 

Once again, he stiffened and frowned at Haitani’s rudeness. “That’s not funny..!” 

He expected another argument, or perhaps to be teased some more, but Haitani was quiet. When he turned to look at him, he realized he was watching the show seriously. It was a bit astonishing, considering how difficult it was to amuse him, most of the time. 

But if anyone could reel in a wild spirit, it was Akikawa, the brilliant author. 

They sat quietly throughout the next fifteen minutes of the show; since it was in Japanese, they both understood it and absorbed the plot. Although the pacing was a bit slow at times. 

Things were tame until the landlord climbed on top of the lead actor and the tone shifted. The atmosphere became uncomfortable quickly. It was as if he were watching the show with his parents-- 

“This… kinda makes me want to push you down.” 

\--Until he said that. At that point, Ritsu turned his head and asked, a bit unwittingly, “Excuse me?” 

The only answer he received was Haitani’s deliberate pull and push as he was suddenly pinned to the bed. Though he looked up at Haitani for the teasing smirk, or any indication that this was a joke, he looked serious. “What are you doing?!” 

“Didn’t I say? I wanted to push you down. It’s not like you could focus on the show anyway, right…?” he lifted Ritsu’s wrists above his head and held them together with one hand. Though restraining him did not require too much effort in the first place, since his body was already weakened. “This is something totally normal. All boys do it… Even little rich kids like you.”   
The person hovering over him was nothing like the Haitani he’d come to know. 

Then he had to rethink that sentiment, because what did he know about Haitani other than what he was told? This was a consequence of being naive. 

“L-Let go! This isn’t funny, Haitani!” he asserted, thrashing his legs wildly in protest. 

Haitani adjusted his position so that his knee was wedged between Ritsu’s legs, pressing against that place shamelessly. The heat that welled up in his body was so embarrassing that he turned his head to the side, “C-Cut it out! This isn’t...isn’t manga!” 

“I know.” he lowered his head next to Ritsu’s ear, and lowered his voice, “This is real life. I can feel it here.” 

He relinquished his hold on Ritsu’s wrists in order to grab his hips and press their clothed fronts against one another. He held him there and grinded, which caused an indignant moan from his friend’s already flustered body. He continued to move slowly like that, licking his lips on occasion because the friction was too much. “J-Just a little longer… Okay, Onodera…?” 

Onodera who was scared and angry, released with a sudden jolt as the pressure built up in his stomach and washed away in an instant. He felt like a mess; like he’d completely come undone for no reason, and nothing about this felt natural in spite of Haitani’s words. 

He was so angry that the minute he sat up, he slapped Haitani across the face, hard. He was released from his grip and thought of nothing more but gathering up his belongings so he could run. And the only change of clothes he had with him was his school uniform, so that would have to suffice. But he refused to stay a moment longer, so he conceded to change, instead, in a public bathroom anywhere else. 

He ran away from Haitani’s apartment without bothering to look back nor shut the door behind him. They hadn’t been friends very long, but he’d never even considered that Haitani had an interest in something so… strange. 

“But… you reacted to it, didn’t you?” he asked himself in a vacant bathroom he’d found on his journey to nowhere. “You’re the strange one… It’s you who’s strange…!” 

If he could blame the whole ordeal on Haitani, he would. But the truth was, he’d always been strange. 

It wasn’t normal for someone to have no reaction to the woman who was constantly hugging them, or to feel so invested in books depicting those types of homoerotic relationships. 

He wept in the bathroom that evening, not because he was touched, but because his body was the type to enjoy it and it was just another part of himself that he did not understand. 

-

He left the bathroom once his nerves were calmed and he was changed. After cleaning himself off, it almost felt as though nothing had changed. Much like when he cracked his head on that staircase so long ago; if the evidence was gone, it practically never happened. For once, the twisted physics of his curse seemed comforting. 

Eyes were on him, he was sure of it. He looked around frantically, half expecting Haitani somewhere, either to apologize or tease him. For once, he much preferred not knowing. 

Then he caught it; in the corner of his vision, somewhere not far off were those amber eyes belonging to that nonentity that’s been on his mind since the accident. Without thinking, he chased after it, his body pumped with adrenaline. 

“There’s no way I’m losing him this time!” he declared to himself. Although anyone could have told him that he was in over his anemic head. 

That man seemed to catch on quickly as he turned off into another alleyway. Likely a bold attempt to lose him, but Ritsu cut around the other side, slipped into a corner and tailed him from an unexpected direction. 

It wasn’t much, but it was enough to catch the man off guard. He could have sworn he’d heard someone curse under his breath, and if he had, it would have been the first word ever uttered by this mysterious man. 

The chase lasted for the next several minutes, up and down the alleyway as it had become a game of ‘who can lose who’, until Ritsu wound up dizzy and empty handed, again. It was so depressing that he almost dropped to his knees, but instead found himself suddenly pressed against a wall. 

For a moment, he tried to scream but a hand covered his mouth and he feared that he’d pursued the wrong person. But those familiar eyes were peering down at him again and this was the first time he’d ever gotten in such close proximity. It was a victory. 

“Stop following me.” he commanded. His tone suggested that he was younger than Ritsu expected; perhaps a few years old, definitely an adult, but nowhere near middle-aged. “If you understand, nod your head.” 

Instead of nodding, Ritsu adjusted his chin so that the man’s palm was in his mouth, and bit down.   
The man let out a brief howl of pain, then grabbed Ritsu by the back of his head. “Cut it out! I’m sick of your face. Following me everywhere I go like some stalker…” 

Offended and freed, he retorted loudly. “Me?! You’re the one that keeps staring at me out of nowhere… I got hurt because of you, and you never even visited me! You should be ashamed of yourself! What grown man stands in front of a moving truck?!” 

He received nothing but a tired sigh in response. “Right… That happened… Shit. I really didn’t want to deal with you today-- Such a pain in the ass. Look, kid, just take my advice: Don’t get too attached to anything in this world. Got it?” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?! Because of you, all… all this weird stuff has been happening--!” he trailed off. This was the first time that he’d come so close to divulging his odd… ‘condition’. But for some reason, he felt a connection to this man that transcended coincidence. If anything, he felt that he could have some answers. 

“I know. It’s all your fault.” the way he stated this was as natural as if he was conducting a business deal. As if there was nothing unusual about this situation at all. 

“If you know, then--!” Ritsu was coerced to quiet down when presented with the unfamiliar sensation of being kissed. It was so forceful that it could have been misconstrued as passionate, but that type of passion from a man he’d never even formally met was inconceivable. Besides, the man’s posture gave him an indication that this kiss was not with pure intentions. 

“If Haitani had done this, would I have gotten angry?” he wondered. “...Am I angry now?” 

He most certainly was angry, at his own body and mind, for being so submissive. Though he was primarily overcome with the detestable fact that his only opportunity for answers was slipping through his fingers. 

His kiss ceased after a moment, the man looked down at him again with those scrutinizing eyes and muttered a complaint. “...You could have at least closed your eyes.” 

His eyes did shut, whether due to anemia or the added stress, and his body limply slid down the alley wall. The sound of footsteps faded away and eventually he was undeniably alone. 

-

As he awoke, the only conclusive evidence that he’d ever met the man was the lingering sensation on his lips and his presence in the alleyway. It was dark, now. A homeless man had made his bed in the trash a mere several feet away from him. It shook him out of his daze, and he ran out into the streets, where there wasn’t another soul in sight. 

The last train had probably stopped running by then, so rushing towards the subway was futile. But he wondered if his chances at an overnight cafe were better than walking home. It’s not as though he would die. 

Would he? “Can I?” he wondered. 

That kiss had to have some kind of purpose; else, what purpose could there have been? Even for a distraction, it seemed a bit extreme. 

It was exciting and terrifying. The notion of actually having to fear death hadn’t occurred to him in so long that he wondered if he’d grown reckless. Even now, the urgency of being stranded with no cell phone nor means of getting home in the middle of the night didn’t shake him. 

Perhaps he would die, now. He tried to alarm himself. Fear death, fear death. Be afraid. 

He stepped out into the empty street, automatically headed towards his home, before deciding it was too far; if he walked from this distance, he’d arrive at dawn and cause quite the uproar with his parents. 

He reconsidered it, but the few seconds of delay were enough to render him unprepared when there were headlights in his face. His body trembled at the recollection of that accident, so many years ago, but what sped towards him then was a foreign car exceeding the speed limit. It hit him and his body flew several feet, before skidding helplessly across the pavement where the car caught up to him and crushed his--

Again, he found himself at the foot of the crosswalk, no traffic in sight. Nothing but the bright lights of the inner city and a pedestrian or two, making their way back home where it was safe. 

He wanted to sit down and cry. 

\- 

Haitani sluggishly opened the door to his apartment, though it was one in the morning. He half expected his uncle to hobble in drunk, but the person standing there was someone he hadn’t expected to see again so soon. 

“...Onodera? What’re you doing… Never mind, why ‘ya here so late?” his reaction was a cross between concern and exhaustion. 

Ritsu struggled to step away from the doorway and clutched his bag tightly. He was clearly nervous. “I… I need…” 

He sighed and rubbed his eyes to confirm that this wasn’t a dream. Then urged him to continue. 

“I need a place… to spend the night, i-if that’s okay.” his eyes would not leave the floor. 

“A place to stay…? Didn’t expect you to run away so soon, but… Sure. Come on in. The heater’s broken though, so you’ll have to sleep in my room or your constitution will suffer… Are you sure you’re okay with that?” he approached the idea carefully. 

Ritsu was clearly at a loss, but after a minute of indecisiveness, he nodded. “I… I can do that.” 

Anything was fine. So long as he didn’t die again, or resurrect, or whatever was ailing him. He couldn’t think about this curse any longer or he’d surely be sick. 

“Alright, follow me. And lock the door behind you, okay?” he slipped his hands into his pockets and led Ritsu upstairs, once more. 

He complied, but hesitated once they’d reached the bedroom. “I… I can take the floor.” he offered, though he’d never even attempted such a thing before. 

“Nonsense. I’ll take the floor, you can have the bed all to yourself. Sounds like a treat, right?” he offered, and had already begun to make a bed for himself before he could protest. 

“Thank… Thank you, Haitani.” 

It was awkward. The air between them was more tense than it had ever been, but he laid down on the bed and covered up. For the first time that night, he realized his skin was ice cold from overexposure. But even if he caught a pneumonia in his sleep, he would not die. 

“Goodnight.” said Haitani, who turned over and slept quickly in spite of his uncomfortable position. 

Looking down at him, Ritsu felt some guilt. Although he shouldn’t have felt any type of remorse for the friend who’d betrayed his trust so blatantly… but then again. 

There were also things that he was keeping from Haitani. He was no angel, either, and it was true that his body was the one that reacted first, before he’d even been touched. 

In this situation, no matter how he looked at it, he was the strange one intruding on Haitani’s life of normalcy. 

The promise of a somewhat better tomorrow lulled him to sleep, as did the warmth of the bed and the scent of someone he was familiar with. 

In his dreams, those eyes were on him. Those lips were on him, too, and that voice was asking him how he wanted it, but he did not know what that meant. Those were merely words being parroted off of Akikawa’s live action shows. 

Then there was body heat next to him, and it felt surreal. The events of that afternoon flooded into his dreams so suddenly that he jolted awake to find hands around his waist. He panicked and thrashed, “H-Haitani--!” 

Haitani only moved his hands so that he was embracing Ritsu as he would if he were a body pillow. His voice, though low because of sleep, was somewhat soothing. “Shh… Don’t worry…” he yawned, “I really won’t do anything, so just stay… Okay?” 

“I…” as infuriated as he should have been, he couldn’t deny that Haitani was too much like a child at the moment to scold without guilt. “O..Okay.” And if Haitani did try anything, he wouldn’t let him off with just a slap. 

But as he’d promised in his delirious mumbling, he didn’t move a muscle. Didn’t try anything all night, even as Ritsu faked sleep just to be sure. 

And when he did fall asleep, it was as comforting as it was painful. 

-

Haitani had woken first, by the looks of it. The room had been picked up a little and the bed Haitani had made on the floor was gone. His side of the bed was empty, as well. Ritsu sat up groggily and looked down at himself, as if to confirm that everything was still in place. 

“So… he really didn’t…” he didn’t finish that thought. His embarrassment would not allow it. 

He crept downstairs quietly, wary of waking anyone else in the household, although it was a bit late in the morning. He’d overslept quite a bit, he realized. 

Downstairs, the whole house was empty but the mess of pillows and blanket on the couch implied that someone had spent the night there. The empty bottle of sake by the armrest pointed to the uncle who seemed to have a bad habit of staying out late. 

The only thing out of the ordinary was the plate of food in the kitchen, sitting there untouched with a note by it. He picked it up and curtly, it read, “Out for groceries, -H.” 

To have the space he wanted, it felt bittersweet. Though, he couldn’t lie about his sentiments that a bit of space between them would be just fine. 

-  
They met up at the ramen shop, that evening. A surprise to both of them, given their previously mutual intentions to steer clear of one another for a bit but Ritsu’s cellphone rang and Haitani proposed a friendly chat over dinner. 

He’d also mentioned that Ritsu had the right to refuse if he couldn’t forgive him, but said nothing more. 

So there they sat, eating across from one another calmly as one of the few remaining customers in the shop. It was getting quite late, but they could not leave until the matter was resolved and this was something that neither of them could refute. 

“So…” Haitani began, “I guess I have some explaining to do, right?” 

Unable to stomach his food any longer, Ritsu set his chopsticks down and watched his bowl, offering a meek nod in reply. 

“Right, of course you’d be wary of me.” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I did something like that to you, after all, but… Hear me out, okay?” he sighed. 

Ritsu listened. 

The apology he received was unexpected, somehow. “It’s something that boys do, right?” he laughed, “You should have seen the look on your face! I know it’s probably strange to you, considering you’ve been home schooled for so long, but we’re at an age where young men sometimes get together and help each other out with their ‘physical needs’, y’know?” 

His ears were bright red at this point and he reached over the table in order to clamp his mouth shut. “D-Don’t talk about that sort of thing in public!” 

The look on Haitani’s face was the face of someone who was too smug for his own good. “Why? It’s only weird if you have a prejudice against that sort of thing. Do you?” 

He wasn’t sure how to answer this. This was one of the many things he hadn’t discussed with his parents, so he wasn’t sure about how to approach it. 

“Just answer honestly.” he leaned forward, and lowered his voice as anyone else would have heard them. “Is what I did to you really that gross? Did you dislike it, because it was me…?” 

Again, he felt trapped. Although nothing at all was stopping him from getting up from his chair and running, he couldn’t move a muscle. The truth was sinking in and it was heavy, sitting on his chest, unwilling to be ignored. 

“I…” 

“You just hated it because it isn’t something you’ve considered… Right? Or would you prefer it if An were the one that did it.” 

He shook his head immediately as the image of An appeared into his head. That sweet, childhood friend of his who was full of trust and innocence-- he couldn’t even imagine it. 

“See? You look disgusted, so just accept the fact that boys might be your thing. It doesn’t have to be me. Just another boy who’s relatively good looking and knows what he’s doing, right?” as if to prove his point, he slipped his hand on Ritsu’s knee under the table. 

Ritsu debated the morality of kneeing him, but found himself unable to argue. 

If boys really were his preference… what did that mean? 

It meant that his engagement was in danger. 

But hadn’t it always been? He’d never wanted the engagement to begin with, and no one understood that better than An. Though, he resented having his sexuality solidified by someone he’d only known for a year… 

Haitani continued. “Don’t worry, when I did that, I was just confirming something… And I really did intend to treat you gently, sorry. If it makes you feel better, I’m the same way? Although I wouldn’t mind one way or another if it was a boy or a girl. So I guess that’s the difference between you and me.” 

Unable to take anymore scrutiny, nor accept any more truths about himself, Ritsu gathered his bag and paid the bill. Rather than offended, Haitani seemed happy to garner such a reaction. 

That was it, then. This was just more teasing and he was the weird one for reacting so strongly. In any case, he turned towards Haitani and managed, although flustered, “I-I’ve had enough! I’ll see you tomorrow, but if you try anything like that again, I...I’ll roundhouse kick you, got it?!” 

With that compromise in place, he ran out of the store and the chef bid him goodbye. 

Haitani was left there for a moment, then smiled. In spite of the threat, he was blessed with forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu has shit luck with men


	3. Chapter 3

A few weeks at most was all it took for things between them to fall into place, again. Ritsu has forgiven Haitani for stranger things, after all, and it was sort of amusing how easy it was to stay by his side. 

Perhaps it was because he could count on Haitani to do the talking for him in almost every situation, and never had to think too much about the consequences of his words. Something he struggled with since he’d been admitted, because hospitalization often translated to social isolation. 

“That movie was way better than the original! Isn’t it cool? I thought for sure that sentai warriors were overrated but I guess you can’t always judge a book by its cover, right?” 

“Haha… I guess not!” he agreed, though he was lost on the topic. He’d unintentionally zoned out throughout the majority of the movie. 

But would anyone blame him, he wondered? Something about his life made less sense than a movie about crime fighting samurai and it scared him. He couldn’t stop his eyes from scanning the area, wary of being watched again. Not that he minded, at this point. 

The next time he spotted that man, he vowed to catch him and get some answers. 

“Don’t be so shy! So? What’d you think of the actress, pretty hot, right?” he laughed, then patted his shoulder as if in consolation, “Though you wouldn’t know too much about that sort of thing. I guess the better question would be ‘how did you feel about the red ranger?’” 

Ritsu shook his hand off and distanced their steps. “I hate it when you’re like this!” he complained. 

Of course, Haitani interpreted his discomfort as the fruits of his teasing, so he merely laughed. “Is that so? My bad! I forgot you were so sensitive. But haven’t I told you already? You can be honest about it with me. I don’t have a prejudice.” 

He sighed, and began to drift behind him just so he couldn’t meet his eyes. If he saw that devilish smirk now, he might hit him. “You’re the one with an obsession…! It’s always ‘An-this’ and ‘An-that’ e-even though you know…” he trailed off, unsure of what he was about to confess. 

“Oh, really? Haha, I’ll have to watch myself then or you might actually end up falling for her! Ah, by the way…” the look on his face was momentarily serious. “Meet me tomorrow, at our usual place. Around… Let’s say, nine o’clock. Okay? We need to talk.” 

“Huh?” he was caught off guard by the heaviness in his tone, and struggled to keep up. “S-Sure… I guess.” It was a little unnerving, not knowing.

“Great! See you then.” Back to his chipper self, he headed down the steps first, and waited for Ritsu at the foot of the subway’s entrance. 

This, Ritsu recalled, was one of the more memorable encounters he’d had with his ‘curse’ and the prospect of going down those steps would have scared him if his body could understand the urgency of the situation. But nothing about him seemed to register the situation as a near death experience, so he descended with a sigh and gripped the railing. 

Much like what happened all those months ago, his foot slipped and he tumbled down the stairs clumsily. He braced himself for the blood, the crack in his skull and the ‘resurrection’ (as he’d grown accustomed to calling it) any minute now. 

But when he sat up, he was at the foot of the steps, his body twisted almost as uncomfortably as his ankle, and in immense pain. 

“I didn’t die…?” he wondered aloud, forgetting himself. 

“Hey, be careful!” Haitani knelt by him and helped him to his feet-- or made the attempt. But the most Ritsu could achieve was getting on one knee before succumbing to the pain in his foot. “Ah, you idiot. You probably twisted it; well, it’s not a problem though.” 

He wanted to argue, but was lifted onto Haitani’s back before he could. Wary of falling, at the chance of cracking his head open again, he clung tightly. 

“We’re almost there so it’s not a problem. I’ll just pay your ticket.” he offered. “One of these days, that anemia of yours might really off you!” 

That would be interesting. “Right…” he leaned on his shoulder tiredly. Too many things were swimming in his head for him to care; one could only spend so much energy arguing with their best friend before they wore down. 

“Anyway. What were we talking about?” 

He wasn’t sure, he was zoning out again. A bad habit, sure, but a fine alternative to insanity. 

“Dunno…” he mumbled. 

Haitani had no problem filling the gap. “Right, I meant to ask; so, just how early on have your parents been planning your wedding…? It’s not possible that An already has her dress, right? Depending on your answer, I might have to stir things up a little!” 

It was an assertion intended to garner some ferocity from his usually subdued friend. Just a tease. But the silence was also encouraging. 

“If I were the best man… What would you think of me? I wonder if we could really be friends in that situation. Probably not. Anyway, I have a request, so please listen.” 

Ritsu’s legs had loosened around his waist, so he readjusted his position in order to keep him stationary. “No matter what...Don’t get married, alright?”

After another long pause, he concluded that his friend had fallen asleep. It was a relief as much as it was painful. “Well, this is for the best, though.” With a bittersweet smile, he carried his friend safely onto the train as promised. 

-

When Ritsu awoke, he half expected to be at home. But the sound of the train mowing its tracks stirred him into reality, and he felt something heavy on his shoulder. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep, or where they were going, but Haitani had felt comfortable enough to clock out in the seat, apparently. Again, he sighed. 

“Did I thank him properly…?” he wondered. Though Haitani never asked for much in return regardless. 

His ankle bothered him, and he recalled what had ignited this scenario in the first place. But it all seemed to miniscule in comparison to the bigger picture he was after. It seemed like everything, no matter what he did or where, was constantly overshadowed by the secret he was keeping. 

In the window, something shifted and he looked behind him. The train was practically empty, seeing as it was the last one running. Even so, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they weren’t alone. 

At this point his feelings could be chalked up to dumb intuition, but he stood up, endured the pain in his ankle (as he’s stomached so much worse) and headed towards the back. 

“I.. must be crazy.” was the conclusion he came to when he observed the silent figure in his seat. 

He was seated there with his arms folded and a frown on his face. Did he ever smile? Was he smiling back then--? 

The memory of the kiss gave him the impulse to retreat, but he did not. “Y-You! You’re the one who--” 

The man jolted awake and looked up at him, deepening his scowl. “Shit… Should have known.” 

“H-Hey, you can’t just… just do ‘that’ to someone and then run away! I should call the police for harassment…!” his face was flushed so red that the very notion was impossible. The thought of anyone else knowing just made it worse. 

He retorted with an unsatisfied click of his tongue, “To think I put my hands on a kid who can’t even say ‘kiss’... I really messed up, this time.” 

“Any...Anyway, you owe me an explanation!” he demanded. “I know you were there, that day. So start explaining things!” 

“And why should I have to explain anything to a brat like you?” he rose from his seat, as if to emphasize the difference between them. Truly, this man was an adult in mind and body. Height, too, as he didn’t have to try at all to reach the grab straps. He resembled a college student. 

“B-Because… if you don’t…” he looked around nervously, “I’ll tell everyone that you attacked a high school student and did ‘that’ to them! K-Kissing.” 

“I’m so scared.” his attitude was bad, to say the least. Without even humoring the kid, he exited the station as it came to a stop. But Ritsu, determined to uphold the vow he’d made to himself, chased after him. 

“Geez… Don’t follow me. Just go home already!” he sped up his steps and tried to shake him off. 

The train departed behind them, and the man groaned because they were now at the point of no return. “I won’t go anywhere until you start giving me some answers! I’m just as troubled by this as you are, so at least give me your name!” 

“This is the last time I decide to deal with a brat like you.” he sighed. “Look, I’ve been trying to keep my distance for a reason. You’re just causing more trouble, so scram. Go hit the books like a good boy.” 

“Not until you give me your name…” However, the man was already walking off. 

The last time he walked off, he disappeared. Thus, the only logical resolution… 

“--! Get the hell off, you brat.”

… tackled, they both went down until Ritsu was behind held against the man’s chest. Though this was likely an effort on his part to brace something for the impact, but surprisingly, he didn’t seem to phased. Annoyed, but not particularly hurt. 

“S-Sorry but… If I let you go, you’re just going to run away!” he sat up and looked down at him, thankful that no one else was around to see this spectacle. “Please, just tell me your name and confirm that you were the one at the accident, that day… It’s the least you can do!” he argued. 

“You want my name?” his eyes narrowed, “Takano Masamune. Now get off me. Have fun with that informa--”

“No, I’m not done yet!” he asserted in a tone that was uncharacteristically demanding. “I-I want more answers about my situation and I… I’m sure you know what I’m talking about!” 

“Even if I did, there’s no law saying I have to help you.” 

“You…” Ritsu clenched his fists and looked him in the eyes seriously. “You are the only person in the world who knows what really happened that day! So don’t just brush me off. I was hospitalized for two months, because of you!” 

That man, Takano, sat up and pushed the student off of him. He didn’t intend to be rough, but he certainly had an aspect of strength to him. “...You’re going to fuck everything up. Shit… Fine.” he cursed, “Listen up. I’ll give you one chance; show up here on Friday. Before your bedtime and you might get some answers, but that’s it.” 

“You mean…” an opportunity to understand something, after all this time. “Alright! Just name a time and I’m there.” 

“A time? Figure it out yourself. If you show up late, I’ll leave.” the expression on his face was stern. “What, did you think I’d make it easy on you? You’re the one pestering me. If you can’t appreciate this much, then--” 

“I’ll be here!” he shouted. “And I’ll make you answer all of my questions… Then, you’ll have to fix me. Got it?!” 

As agitated as he was, he did look amused. Briefly. “...Sure. Got it. I’ll see you then, kid.” 

His phone rang and he was reminded that the train had left without him. Suddenly pale, he let out an exasperated cry of shock and began running towards the exit. Before he departed completely, however, he turned around and shouted, “And my name… It’s Onodera!” 

Takano had risen long enough to watch him run off. He folded his arms and shook his head, wary of the mess. “...Whatever. As if I didn’t know.” 

-

He wasn’t far from the station when his phone rang again, but the call dropped almost immediately. He checked his phone, wary of a dead battery, when he noticed fifteen missed calls and several text messages. 

All from Haitani. He panicked. 

“No way! I left Haitani on the train…!” he turned back, then typed frantically into his phone. A message full of apology. 

“I’m so sorry. I know you won’t forgive me but I had an emergency.” Part of him expected Haitani to brush it off. 

The message he received dismissed the notion of leniency. “Is that all you have to say for yourself? I have to spend the night in a hotel because of you.” 

Well, he wouldn’t have forgiven himself so easily, either. “I’ll make it up to you!” he wrote with the utmost sincerity. He’d have to forfeit his entire weekend in repentance, but that would be just fine. 

“Just see me this weekend, you can repent there. Bring your wallet because you’re treating me to the special order, this time!” 

That last message put a smile on his face. 

So he wasn’t mad. That was good. 

Losing a friend like Haitani was not something he would cope well with, though they were a strange pair. 

“I’ll see Haitani this weekend…” he confirmed. “And Takano, I’ll see him on… ah, wait. Did Haitani want to meet this Friday? That’s impossible, right? But if I tell him…” 

There was no way he could tell him what had really happened. The only other person in this world who could possibly comprehend his situation was a man who wanted nothing to do with him. 

Even so, just a little bit of peace would be enough. 

-

With the refreshing sentiments of change in mind, his next ‘incident’ was easy to endure. Though he was killed from sudden head trauma, though he resurrected, he felt as good as new. As if he didn’t have a curse to bear. All because he felt, for once in his life since the accident, that he was not alone; not the freak that he thought he was. 

When he picked himself up, he was headed for the subway station—

—before a new dilemma occurred to him. 

He called Haitani and stopped just before a crosswalk intersection. For a moment it felt as though Haitani would not pick up the phone but he was wrong. The tone he received on the other end of the phone was groggy, and he anticipated that Haitani had just woken from a nap. 

“...Ono..dera?” he yawned “What is it.” 

The dismissiveness in his voice stung a bit, but he endured. “I… About tonight.” 

“Let me guess, something’s come up?” there was some shuffling on the other end, before Ritsu realized that he’d called him at work. “Look, now’s not the best time to discuss this. If you don’t show, you don’t show. But I’ll be waiting there, at that time.” 

With no further room for discussion, the line dropped and Ritsu was left to his devices, and a decision. “Haitani…” he was immediately dejected, but shook his head. 

It was 8 now; if Haitani had intended to meet at 9… “He’s still at work.” he realized “I have time. He works across town, right? There’s still time.” 

It was a shame that Takano hadn’t specified the time; this was one big guessing game, but as of now, the subway was somewhat less secluded. And no matter how long he had to wait, even if it was all night… 

There’s no going back. 

At the subway, he looked around frantically for any sign of him. But people were coming and going and nobody was paying him any attention whatsoever, merely boarding their trains. He second guessed the location, the time, himself. 

Maybe Takano had backed out after all? But he seemed like he took himself a bit too seriously for that. 

“Now departing.” the automated message played every so often to signify another passenger. He could not join them, although he was getting anxious. The closer the clock loomed to 9, the more he wondered whether or not Haitani had gotten off work. 

“My train is late.” he lied, as he sent a message to his phone out of sheer nervousness, “I might be late, please wait for me.” 

As the passengers finished departing, he noticed black hair. Those eyes, again, and he followed them with the acute awareness of a moth. “T-Takano!” he shouted, waving. 

Takano looked up and grimaced when he saw him. “Keep your voice down.” he argued. Nobody else seemed bothered by the commotion, though. “Just shut it and lead. Say one word and I’m calling this off, understood?” 

“I under-”

“Don’t say anything, just nod!” he demanded. “...As if I wanted to spend my time babysitting. Whatever, bring me to your place. It should be quiet, right?” 

He couldn’t argue with that. His parents were working, they would have privacy. The only consequence was the delay in his evening plans. If he had known they would be regrouping at his home, he would have requested that their meeting take place in a different station. 

Nonetheless, they were forced to endure a long, 10-15 minute wait for the next train, which they also shared in total silence. When his phone rang, his flustered self rushed to silence it before the other passengers could glare at him. Although he fully intended to apologize to Haitani once this ordeal was over… 

Until then,it was awkward. Suffocating, even as he led Takano upstairs. As he’d suspected, nobody else was home although the house was polished. The size of the place alone was enough to make him scoff, “I had no idea I was in the presence of royalty.” 

He ignored it. That reaction wasn’t unusual, after all. 

He opened the door to a room that was surprisingly simple; littered with books, and a wreck, but simple in comparison to the house’s contrary grandeur. “Make yourself at home…” he offered warily, although there wasn’t much in his room that he could offer to a guest on his own. “Would you..like some tea?” 

“Save it.” he took a seat on the bed brushed some dirty laundry and books out of the way. “Has anyone ever told you that this place is a pigsty?” 

“...I get that a lot.” he admitted, a bit sheepishly. “Anyway… You…” 

With a deep breath, he steadied himself. “You are definitely the person from ‘that day’, right?” 

Takano eyed him, perhaps debating the morality of playing dumb. Eventually, and with a heavy conscience, he confessed. “You’re right. I’m the person you risked your life to save… And how’d that work out for you?” 

There was a limit to how uninterested someone could be in a matter. There surely had to be a limit, somewhere. “You… Don’t ask like you don’t know! I definitely died that day, right?! If that’s the case, then why…” 

“‘Why am I still alive’, is what you were going to say… Right?” he laid back and made good use of the boy’s offer to make himself at home. “Hold on. First, I want you to answer my questions. And answer honestly.” he looked up, “Can you do that?” 

Ritsu nodded. 

“Good… In that case. I won’t hold back.” he sat upright again and folded his hands under his chin. His slouched posture was something reminiscent of the third years at the academy. Lazy, exhausted, wholeheartedly jaded. “Can you tell me, with certainty, that you’re still alive?” 

The question shocked him, if only because it was finally being asked by someone that wasn’t himself. 

It was something he’d called into question long ago. 

Similarly, it was the only conclusive thing he knew about himself. “...I am.” 

“Oh?” he whistled, “That’s some confidence. Prove it.” 

“Prove it…?” he frowned. It was so simple that it was difficult. To prove that his existence was not a lie, that everyone and everything he touched was real. For a moment, he was at a loss. 

Then, with haste, he pulled a stack of papers from his shelf. An overwhelming mess was created in the wake of his search but the efforts were fruitful. Still attached to an old clipboard, he pulled out the doctor’s copy of his official records. 

He passed them to Takano. “There! Would a dead person have a beating heart?!” 

Silently, he overlooked the documents and turned a page. Plain as day, his heart was on that printed page, undulating properly in spite of its prior stillness. Then he added, tentatively, “And?” 

“...What do you mean, ‘And’?” 

He set the documents aside and resumed his scrutiny. “You’re alive. But you’ve died countless times as it is, right? And you have no idea how, or why. You don’t even know who I am, what I am and yet you invited me to your place so defenselessly. Are you even sure that I have the answers to what you’re searching for?” 

Ritsu struggled to process so many questions at once, but wasn’t given the chance. 

“Also, I’m not even sure that you understand it yourself… What it is you hope to gain from this. You said you wanted answers, but what if the truth isn’t satisfying enough. It isn’t something that can be supported by a doctor’s note or even a witness. Can you live in peace knowing that you’ll have to endure something that can never be changed?” 

“Just tell me!” he demanded when his rage would no longer sit still. To have someone question him in such a way… to so blatantly look down on him, it was infuriating. “You… have no idea what I’ve been enduring since then. It’s been over a year, hasn’t it? Well, I’m in hell! I don’t understand anything. Nothing makes sense and nobody believes that I saw what I saw, so insult me all you want!” 

He took a deep breath. His fists were clenched tight, and though he spoke confidently, his eyes were lowered towards his feet. “As long as I can have some answers, right now, nothing else matters. I don’t care if I have to keep dying for the rest of my life!” 

A hand on his chin guided his gaze upwards. 

It was Takano, who for the first time since their encounter so long ago, looked somewhat satisfied. “That’s the ambition I like to hear.” 

-

Their nerves calmed; together they sat there drinking tea in silence. Ritsu was no longer tense, but he was anxious. Nothing was set in stone about their meeting, or whether or not they would have a chance to convene later on. 

“I’m called a ‘reaper’, by the way.” he mentioned between sips. 

Ritsu nearly choked. “S-So casually--” he commented. But was quickly at a loss for words. His instinct to dismiss it was overcome with the truth; he was living proof of the impossible, so this man who claimed to be something like a reaper… he couldn’t be much different. 

“Before you ask, I’m not a skeleton. I am dead, though. Sort of. And you should be, too.” 

The way he spoke about this was so natural, he wondered if it was something he often had to explain. Somehow it only raised more questions. “So… You mean, you collect souls? And carry around a sickle.” 

“No and no.” he sighed “I guide people to the afterlife when it’s their time, because it’s troublesome when they stick around on earth. Their souls go where they’re drawn and I don’t have a say in that. If I did, my job would be easier.”  
He nodded, if only to prove he was listening. He was also too immersed to respond. 

“As for a sickle… Some of us do carry something like that around, I guess. But any weapon works as long as it’s blessed. For me, because I appreciate tradition, I use a scythe.” 

“That’s not the same thing?” he wondered aloud, but quickly changed his mind, “Wait, you said you were dead! Then… Was your soul not guided to the afterlife?” 

“I figured you’d ask that… What a predictable student.” he scoffed, “...It was a divorce between my parents and the death of my best friend. To handle it all at once… Well, that’s something that not many people are able to handle, so I killed myself. This is considered atonement.” 

“I-I see…” Or, he wanted to. But he couldn’t imagine why someone under those circumstances would have to atone. He had a feeling that he would just get mad if he voiced that, though. “And… me, will I have to atone for this when I really...die?” 

“When you kick the bucket? No clue.” he shrugged and finished off his tea. 

“That’s doesn’t help.” he complained. 

“The only thing I know is that you got in my way while I was severing someone’s lifeline. Whatever happened between then and now is your fault..” he reasoned. “Oh, by the way. The reason nobody believes you is because it’s part of a reaper’s curse to not be seen. The fact that you can see me at all is inherently wrong. So good luck explaining that to the higher ups.” 

Every word ignited another spark of confusion and enflamed his curiosity more and more. Just what would he have to do, who would he have to ask, to get a straight answer from this person? 

“More importantly…” he picked up a book amid the chaos of his room. “When I was alive, this was my favorite. It’s good to see that his popularity is going strong, even now.” 

Ritsu looked open and noticed what was in his hand. A novel by Akikawa, and it was one of the original copies. “Be careful with that, please! Those copies aren’t in print anymore… And those like it are being sold online for hundreds and thousands of yen…” 

“Pipe down. I’m just taking a trip down memory lane.” despite his lax attitude, he appeared to be genuinely skimming over each page. Touching the corners delicately, handling it like he understood. 

“You… You were a fan of Akikawa’s work?” his eyes widened a bit. Up until now, there was no such interest in Takano’s eyes; no passion whatsoever. But he seemed no different than the average person, at that moment. 

Something occurred to him, suddenly, and he panicked. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and felt his heart stop at the lapse in time. “No…! I thought only a few minutes had--” he jumped to his feet “I, I have to go. Please wait here, I want to continue speaking to you!” 

Before he left his room, he bowed apologetically “I’m sorry for causing trouble. Please understand my situation! Thank you!” and then ran off to salvage what was left of his friendship. 

By the time he reached the ramen shop, the time on his phone read 11:00 and the shop was closed. There was no sign of his friend, but he was desperate, firing off rapid texts in Haitani’s direction in hopes of just one reply. 

The last reply he received read simply “Goodbye” and it troubled him. 

How to amend this was all he could think about. Supposing there was still a way to do so, he would do everything in his power. But that’s what he’d said before, and now… 

He caught the last train of the night in the nick of time, headed off to Haitani’s. It was some ways away and it’d be troublesome returning home, but it was a necessary evil. 

“Please pick up!” he called for the tenth time; he’d even gone so far as to make a few calls on the train, as well, in spite of the dirty looks he received from what few other passengers there were. 

Haitani, in total, had sent a succession of 33 messages with several missed phone calls between nine o’clock to present. There was some element of patience exercised towards the beginning, in which he merely begged the question of Ritsu’s whereabouts. 

He even excused his tardiness, saying “I’ll wait for you as long as you need me to.” but afterwards, they were more doubtful. 

“You are showing up, right?” and so on. 

By 11, Haitani must have given up and gone home. But no matter how many times he knocked on the door to his apartment, nobody would open up. The door was locked and the windows were blacked out, but surely it would wake someone if he tried long enough? 

He was there for the following fifteen minutes before the anemia set in and he was forced to rest. As much as he would have wanted to keep listlessly pounding on his door. 

Perhaps he’s run off to a hot pot with some of his older friends, like before. Or he was elsewhere for the night, because he knew Ritsu would show up at his door, which was fine. He understood being angry. 

“I’ll see him tomorrow.” this was the only promise that kept his breath steady, “I’ll wait in front of his school, if I have to. I’ll do whatever it takes!” 

He, too, was absolutely infuriated with his own stupidity, even as he crawled home in the dead hours of the night. His only hope, now, was to confide in the maturity of someone who had gone through pain even more immense. But would he understand the fleeting issues of the living? He would likely say ‘this is why you’re still a kid’, proudly hoisted upon his high horse. 

Yet, he was not even granted those words. 

When he returned, his room was empty. Not a trace of Takano’s existence could be found, save for the neatly stacked pile of Akikawa’s books that had been left on the bed. Had he skimmed through all of them? And did he appreciate Akikawa’s work as much as he did; if so, why? Had he been ‘strange’, too, when he was alive? 

Those questions, that were probably too fleeting for a being like him, how would he answer them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't it strange to empathize with Haitani?


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re too old for this…” he muttered to himself, “Get it together!” although it did not stop him from his desperate internet searches. The only resource that remained available. 

Presently, he worked for Onodera publishing, as a man who was 25 years old and jaded. Plenty of things had changed throughout the years, not limited to trivialities such as his appearance and shoe size. Other things remained the same, however, such as his prearranged engagement with An, though they did not often converse anymore. 

In the search bar of a computer, which he operated at the sacred grounds of an internet cafe, he input his request with unadulterated helplessness.

“I can’t die. Please help.” 

Some results yielded irrelevant blogs that just happened to confuse the serve due to the key words. Most presented him with suicide hotlines and various numbers to call in the event of a crisis, but none seemed to tackle immortality. The most success he had was stumbling across a forum. 

“I want to die. Please help.”  
submitted 4 hours ago 

“I don’t want to die, please send help”  
submitted 9 hours ago

“These are my last 30 minutes on earth.”  
submitted an hour ago

He cursed, shut the computer down and faltered at the sound of his ringing phone. Nao had called him, again. “...Yes?” 

“Onodera, hi! How’s everything going? It’s been awhile since everyone’s seen you, so I thought, on behalf of everyone, that we’d invite you to the hot-pot party we’re having tonight.” he sounded as chipper as ever, and it was that sort of behavior which could have pegged Nao as a masochist. 

“Nao…” he sighed, “We saw each other a few hours ago. I was at work, today. So were you.” 

“That doesn’t count!” was the argument he received, “Work is work. You look so dead when you’re there anyway, it’s just not fun. Are you still bummed because Akikawa received a different editor…?” 

The forbidden words. “Nao…!” 

It was a heartbreak that he struggled to cope with. He’d been assigned to his favorite author as soon as he entered the literature department, but his father forced a transfer upon undergoing nepotism allegations. 

Whether or not it was true, he never held more animosity towards his surname than he had at that moment. 

On the other end of the phone, Nao cursed. “Shit, sorry man! I didn’t realize it was too soon… Ah-- Anyway, about that hot pot.” 

Onodera hung up the phone. The woman presumably in charge of the cafe swung around in order to ask if he was okay, again. He’d inadvertently become a regular here at some point, and he wondered if she’d gone through the browser’s history. 

Somewhat resentful of his clumsiness, he offered a slight smile, thanked her, paid her and left. When Nao tried to call his phone again, he silenced it and replied with the excuse that he was boarding the subway… which wasn’t a lie. 

He climbed on with the other passengers, and the train was unfortunately crowded. Seats were available, but he settled for the grab handle. He watched the window listlessly as the train shut its doors and departed. Then there was a flash of yellow in the window that startled him, but this was merely a trick of the light perpetuated by a poster on the opposite side of train. 

He avoided his own reflection, unwilling to face the person responsible for his turmoil. 

The walk home was far but his legs had adapted to the exercise. And he no longer flinched when he was killed; often he would merely reflect and accept the fact that he was a freak. 

He unlocked the door and did not bother to trigger the lights, as his intention was to sleep immediately while he had the time. That decision resulted in clumsily tripping over several piles of laundry, however, and when he finally reached his bed among the wreckage, the doorbell rang. 

In his surprise, he crashed into what must have been a misplaced pair of scissors, because his throat was impaled and within seconds he appeared at the foot of the room, next to the lightswitch. With little alternative, he used them and answered the door. 

He received a surprise that solidified his initial concerns. 

He was surely, steadily losing his mind. 

On the train, at work, in his sleep, those eyes were always in the back of his head somewhere, looming. Now the man responsible was looking down at him without an ounce of amusement on his face. 

He rubbed his eyes, at first, and blamed it on the sleepless nights. As a precautionary measure, he slammed the door—

—though he was immediately thwarted by the intruder’s foot. Takano’s voice was heard, then, dismissing any hopes that Ritsu had of this ordeal being the result of lucidity. “Don’t slam the door on me. Who the hell do you think you are?” 

Ritsu was left standing there dumbly at the door while Takano pulled off his shoes and looked around. “This place is a dump. You haven’t changed at all…” 

“What… the hell are you doing here?!” he managed once the confusion had settled. “Don’t just barge into my apartment as if I invited you! Get out, I don’t want any more trouble from you!” he pushed Takano, but it was as effective as pushing a train. 

He wouldn’t even pretend to budge. He wrapped his hands around Ritsu’s wrists, “Aren’t you glad to see me? We’ve been apart for so long, I was hoping you’d desperately miss me.” 

“That… Who are you?!” he pulled away fiercely, “There’s no way you’re the same person… You look the same as you did then. And it’s been 10 years! A-Also, you’re not supposed to be here so get out. Go spend the night at a cemetery. Or the red-light district, I don’t care! Just… go anywhere but here! All you do is make things--” 

Perhaps out of spite, he wrapped his arms around Ritsu’s waist and bit his ear. “It’s been that long already, huh. I can tell. You’ve grown nicely.” 

At this point, his resistance could only be perceived as a tantrum. He thrashed around violently and hit whatever he could-- until his leg flew through the window, when Takano had carried him too close. It didn’t take long for the anemia to set in apparently, because the blood loss was copious and within a moment, he was seated safely on the floor, several feet away. 

The reaper folded his arms, watched him, then whistled. “I’ve always thought this. But watching it happen up close is still interesting.” 

“You…!” he shook his fist, until his words sank in. “You… can see it happen?” 

“You’re still shit when it comes to listening to someone talk, I see.” he sighed. 

Frustrated, he got to his feet and argued back, “At least I didn’t ruin an innocent bystander’s life and leave them to suffer! Do you think I can stomach having you in my home after what you did to me?!” 

“I told you before, that was all you.” he looked sternly at him. His demeanor left little room for argument, but it did not stop Ritsu from trying. 

“You… I… Agh!” he messed up his own hair and slumped over, absolutely frazzled. “Whatever… what do you want, this time? If you’re going to take my soul, just do it already…” 

“You know, you were a lot cuter before.” he noted, “And that’s not what I came here to do. Actually, this is for you.” 

In his hand he held a document that was rolled up, sealed by a bow and capped on either side; it looked just like a scroll, actually. Even the contents of it, when he opened it up, were handwritten in elegant calligraphy. “Uh…” 

“Just read it.” he snapped. 

He obeyed, but not at the mercy of Takano. Anyone who was handed a scroll by a supernatural being would read the scroll, he relented. 

Halfway down the page, a sinking feeling manifested in his chest and stomach. “This… A-Are you trying to tell me that you’re here to stay?! No way! Go somewhere else.” 

“That’s right.” he ignored the rude host’s protests and held him close, “Until I fix your mistakes, I’m here to stay. However long that takes… It means we’re inseparable, you and I.”

He was silent for a moment. When he felt arms around his waist again, he threw a tantrum. Threw the scroll down, crumpled and stomped on it for good measure. But it disappeared with a graceful ‘poof’ and wound up right back in Takano’s hands. 

“Nice try.” he commended. “Geez, no wonder you haven’t made any progress…” 

The doorbell rang, before Ritsu could throw himself upon the scissors again. He was troubled and it showed on his face. “...Just wait here.” he sighed “And don’t try anything weird!” 

He kept his voice down. If someone heard him talking to himself amid this mess, he’d be institutionalized immediately and nobody would blame the person who admitted him. 

The door opened. 

Much to his pleasant surprise, it was An, bearing a plastic bag in front of her. “An! U-Uh…”  
As much as he wanted to invite her in… the situation was a bit awkward. Not to mention the avalanche in his room that made him seem even more reprehensible 

“Ritsu.” she smiled “It’s good to see you. May I come in?” 

He stalled. How else would he think of a decent explanation for his ‘way of life’? “Ah, sure! Just… give me a second, okay?” 

“Oh, do you have company?” she tried to peek inside but her view was blocked. 

“I-I don’t! It’s just…” as he scrambled for an excuse, the door to the entrance hall opened up and Takano walked in. He panicked; tried to ignore his presence. If there was one person he did not want to involve in his mess… 

“What’s taking you so long?” he pulled Ritsu close as he slipped his arm around his shoulder. 

An watched as he became unnaturally stiff, and then covered her mouth. “Oh! I didn’t know you had… ‘that’ type of company? Ah… Who’s your friend?” 

He was confused and there were several reasons why. 

Takano answered for him, with a way of holding onto him that was ultimately too suggestive for anyone’s appreciation. “I’m his neighbor, right now. And we’re totally like ‘that’, so…” 

Something switched in his previously blunt demeanor; why, now, did he have to shine like a host as he took An’s hand and turned it over? Although he was the type of man to make jokes about being ‘strange’, he somehow came across as charming, to the point where she had to hide her flustered face from them. 

It irked him. Really, really pissed him off but his head swam and so he only stood there. 

“I… I understand!” she bowed, “I’ll see you later, Ritsu! Please take care. This is for you.” 

She left the bag by his doorstep and took off, and Ritsu couldn’t quite recall the last time he’d seen her run so fast. 

“You…” he turned towards Takano. They exchanged a pause, before he began brutally assaulting his chest with his fists. Though it was altogether ineffective, it caught his uninvited guest by surprise. “You asshole! Die! How could you say something like that to An?! What are you, a host?!” 

He received no response with the exception of a monotonous ‘Ow’. Nonetheless, his assault persisted. “And anyway, you said that normal people couldn’t see you. So when you started touching me, I…!” 

Takano interrupted him, swatting his attacks away in the meanwhile. “I said that ten years ago. You remembered? Even though I said that. You also saw me. If you had read until the end, like a good boy, you would know that my physical body has been returned to me.” 

As much as he would have loved to continue his ineffectual results, he stopped and his hands dropped to his side. “...What… So, are you telling me that you are… Human?” 

“I never said that,” he added “Just because you’ve died before, does it mean you’re really dead?” 

He feared that this was going to turn into a run-around of unanswerable truths. Just like last time. “Okay, but…” 

“I’m here because I have something to amend. That doesn’t mean I was given a ‘second chance’ at life; those chances are one in a million and aren’t rewarded to those who throw their gift away. So it’s likely that I’ll return to my ‘civic duties’ once your situation is resolved.” 

“Civic duties…” he vaguely recalled being told that his position intended as repentance in the first place. “That… Wait, why now?! Why couldn’t you help me ten years ago?! Do you know how much I’ve suffered since then…!” 

Surely, it could not wholeheartedly be blamed on his unusual circumstances alone. But his curse certainly didn’t help and if anything, it was priced with years of isolation, years of believing that he was a freak with no salvation. 

“You shouldn’t worry too much.” Takano assured, wrapping his arms around Ritsu again. This time his hand slipped into the front of his jeans, “It means we can do all sorts of stuff.” 

He could tell he was being teased. Out of patience and wits, he turned around and smacked him on the upside of his head. 

“Ow.” that hiss of pain was reassuring, although he was still cheeky. “You had to grow into this type of adult…” 

“Stop avoiding my question. Why did you wait so long?!” he shouted. Part of him was stuck on that night, permanently, when he had lost something very important. 

“There’s no way.” he reasoned with himself in the deep, bitter recesses of his mind “I can’t work with this person, no matter what! Even if I have to die over and over again for the rest of my life. I don’t want to work with this… horrible man!” 

Seeing as Takano had delayed, again, his tolerance collapsed. He threw his shoes on and stormed out of the house with a resentful cry of, “Forget it. Ruin someone else’s life!” 

Though he said that, he could not ensure that his life would have turned out much differently if he had never met Takano. He could not confirm how deeply Takano was involved in the first place. 

“If I’m angry… It’s just because that asshole won’t tell me anything!” he griped until he realized that eyes were on him. Many of them. Because he was in public. 

-

Haitani was by his side, wearing a cast over his left arm. They sat on the bench in front of the P.T. center, evidently waiting for a ride when Haitani suggested, “Why don’t we walk home today?” 

It was meant with the best intentions, but Ritsu still had to wonder if he was being teased. “...You mean, all the way home? Through the subway, and stuff…? I-I don’t know if I can make it that far, sorry.” 

“Don’t sell yourself so short! It’s not too far, right? Although I guess it might be tough on you. You said you lived on an incline, right?” 

He nodded, as his hands fidgeted uncomfortably. “I-It’s just that I haven’t walked home since before. And the doctors told me to take it easy until I could handle the anemia, so…” 

“Well, the only one who can really hold you back is you.” he pointed out “Besides, you hated it when they held your hand in the hospital, right? What’s the point in getting released if you don’t use it to live a little!” 

As optimistic as ever, he pat Ritsu’s shoulder and rose to his feet. An easy feat for Haitani, he supposed, who had only wounded his hand. But Ritsu wasn’t so sure. 

He didn’t have that confidence. “I…” 

“How about this.” he amended, “You don’t get to decide anymore. Come with me! It’ll be fun.” 

He pulled on Ritsu’s wrist and led him in the direction of what he presumed to be the subway station, but this was his first time exploring the area on foot.  
They walked for quite a while, and he was feeling proud of himself. A kilometer or two without a single accident? Those doctors had exaggerated the fragility of his bones, after all. Or at least that was what Haitani asserted before he clumsily dropped to his knees in the middle of an intersection crosswalk. 

No, even if he were run over right then and there, he would be fine. But he could not vouch for Haitani, so he struggled to his feet in a panic. Cars began to honk and pedestrians began to stop and stare, likely wondering what his intentions were by doing something so dumbly reckless. 

“Up you go.” he heard before being lifted onto the back of his friend, who kept moving as if no inconvenience had occurred in the first place. 

They crossed the threshold of traffic into safer territories, and Ritsu attempted to climb off his back in spite of being held tight. “L-Let go! You said that you can’t do any heavy lifting for a while, right? This will hurt you!” 

“It’s fine if you’re not heavy.” he continued walking, and ignored any semblance of protest he received. “It’s good to push the boundaries sometimes, anyway! You never know, this might even buff me up a little.” he wriggled his fingers in his cast. 

Although he wanted desperately to dismount, because people were staring and it made him feel strange, he conceded that too much struggling would only worsen the issue. “I...I guess, but this is really embarrassing!” 

“If anyone says it’s embarrassing, they can take it up with me.” he suggested, though the notion wasn’t comforting at all. 

“Besides.” he added with a smile, “This means I have your back. So when the time comes, you need to have mine. Fair?” 

He couldn’t imagine how he could possibly ‘have his back’ in the future. He couldn’t support himself on his own two legs. 

Still, though. If he had to spend more time like this, in a relationship in which he could depend and be depended upon… He would not mind. 

“Ah, Haitani…” he felt himself drifting. “No… Don’t do th…” 

What he recalled was the unfortunate inevitability of Haitani straining his wrist; it resulted in an extra month of physical therapy, for him, because it was something he’d neglected to mention while carrying him. 

“Stupid.” he mumbled, “If it hurt, you should've said something…” 

-

He jolted awake when he felt something touching his forehead. He reflexively swatted it out of his hand, “That isn’t funny--!” only to find that he was not the subject of a practical joke, as he had expected. 

Instead, it was merely Takano applying a wet cloth. He was on a couch, which surprised him. 

“My couch…?” he felt around, before touching something unusually firm. 

“If you’re going to feel me up, do it when there’s less booze in your system.” he suggested “Not that I mind, but I wouldn’t want to defile an intoxicated maiden. That seems like the sort of thing you’d ‘conveniently forget’.” 

Unable to follow along, his eyes drifted upwards as he tried to recall the whens and hows of the situation. There was an uncomfortably potent feeling of nostalgia stirring up inside of him. 

“If you’re too drunk to talk, then just listen.” he laid him back down, on his side, and covered him with a blanket. “I won’t take it out on you now, but please don’t call another man’s name when you’re with me. It hurts a lot more than you think. For reasons you wouldn’t understand.” 

Groggily, he nodded. With the impulse of a child, he reached out to touch the nearest thing that might be warm, and Takano’s flesh was warm. Or perhaps it felt warm because of the booze. 

Still, a warmth like that felt so familiar. “Ha…” the more he remembered that night, the more he regretted it, and might just regret it until his true end. “Haitani…” 

There were so many things he longed to say, as he cupped his friend’s face. Some part of him must have been aware that he wasn’t really there, and that it wasn’t healthy at all to cling to a relationship with someone from over 10 years ago. But the gentle warmth that surrounded him felt too rewarding to be strange. “Thank you… so much.” 

-

When his consciousness returned, it was roughly seven in the morning, as well as a very blissful Saturday with the exception of the slight ache in his head. 

“Shit…” his entire body felt heavy. He sat up and the blanket fell off his hips, but the weight on his leg did not disappear. 

In a daze for a hot minute, he nearly mistook the silhouette as a pile of laundry. But he touched the top of his head, felt the warmth and ran his fingers through each silky strand in disoriented confirmation. It was indeed a person. 

“...Nao..?” he wondered aloud. 

“Wrong again.” replied the laundry. His world ignited not a moment longer, but before he could apologize, gentle hands were on his face. His chin was cupped and in a split second, he was being kissed again. 

“Mmf-!” he gripped his shoulders, hard, and tried to jerk away. The sudden movement did not work out in his favor; he thought he’d lay back and pass out again, but Takano’s hands were in his hair, pulling, holding him in place. When the man tried to climb on top of him, he smacked him. 

“Wh-What’s your problem!” he breathed heavily, whether due to anemia or stress, “You can’t… You can’t just treat me that way because you feel like it! The way you do things now… and the way you did things ten years ago. None of it makes sense! I don’t get it, so stop touching me!” 

Takano kept his distance this time, but there was something sorrowful about the expression he wore, as if he were lonely. 

As he’d expected, Takano said nothing. So he continued, “And if you want to mess around like ‘that’, then go ahead. But do it with girls! O-Or whomever you want, as long as they’re not me. After what you did…” 

“Everything I did was for you.” he interrupted, “You might not be able to get that through your thick little head right now. But you’ll come to understand it. Also, you’re wrong. It can’t be anyone but you.” 

“Then explain something to me.” he demanded. “Explain why you kissed me, back then, and why you never bothered with me until now. I don’t expect you to understand. But try to imagine how much it hurt when I returned that night and realized that I would never see you again--!” 

For the first time in ten years, he heard Takano raise his voice. For the first time in his life, he thought that Takano looked more wounded, desperate and hurt, than he felt. “Why don’t you try to imagine how it feels… to watch the one you love slowly fall for someone else.” 

“...Huh?” 

“Do you truly want to know what would have happened to you if I had stayed the night?” he challenged. His voice lowered and he grew closer to Onodera, drawing his hand closer and closer to his face even as he tried to slip away. “You were so easy to watch. Day in and day out, that’s the only part of you that they would let me have, so I watched. It’s because of you… that a reaper did what it never should, and fell in love with a human that they could never reach.” 

Ritsu was almost at a loss for words. But his instinct was to reject every allegation; to think of Takano as anything else, was… 

As if predicting his defiance, Takano placed a hand over his mouth and pushed him until he was flat on the couch with his body pinned down. “The night I kissed you, I was already at my limit. Even when I tried to push you away, you just kept pursuing me; you idiot. Had you just left me alone… Things could have worked out differently for you. But if you don’t want to hear it,” his free hand began to drift among the clothes and the fabric of the couch until it found the zipper on his jeans and pulled. 

The body beneath him began to squirm, but he merely watched. When Ritsu was good and uncomfortable, he lowered himself until his lips were touching the nape of his neck. “I would have pinned you down like this, and touched you in the same way that he did.” 

He jolted at the memory; the day that he’d first found out he was ‘strange’... But the idea of anyone else in the world knowing about it, it mortified him. 

“Your reaction tells me that I’m right.” he released his wrists, seeing as his victim’s body was altogether too inebriated to put up sufficient resistance. Then he palmed the front of his jeans and drank up the moans he elicited. “Except I wouldn’t have stopped there. I would have pushed you down, kissed you, touched you here.” he moved his hand in order to grope his backside, “Made you mine and marked you so no one else would touch you. So you wouldn’t want to be touched ever again. That’s the kind of person I am, do you understand?” 

All at once, he released Ritsu and reclaimed his seat at the end of the couch. “I was the one that was always watching you. And I was the one that suffered every time you got close to someone else. It should have been me, is what I thought…” he sighed. “No, it’s what I still think now. So I apologize, but now that I finally have my chance, there’s no way I’m letting you go.” 

He looked away for a long time, burying his head in his knees as he tried to sort himself out. 

“No…” tears that he’d been holding back for a long time began to overflow, but he choked them back stubbornly. “You can’t just disappear for ten years and say that you’ve been in...love with--” 

It was too much to bear, so he rose from his seat and stormed out. Except he didn’t get far; the only true salvation he sought was the separation between himself and that strange man, in the form of the entrance hall’s locked door. 

The immense stress would have had him pass out, if not for the firm grip he had on the handrail. 

What irritated him most was not the rough way in which he was treated, but the fact that his body never seemed to be on the page. When it needed to die, it did not die. When it needed to feel nothing, it felt something. And now, for a man he loathed, his heart was beating rapidly in its chest and it could not be entirely attributed to the booze. 

All because he was missing his friend. All because he had been withdrawn and isolated for so long, he was now selfishly craving someone else’s touch. 

The doorbell rang and he suffered, knowing full well he was in no condition to answer it. But if he could pass it off as a hangover, then perhaps An would understand. Or at least fetch coffee and perhaps iron supplements for the lightness in his head. 

The doorbell rang again, and again, and again. His head was reeling by the seventh ‘ding’, so he stumbled to his feet and held it open. Or perhaps it was holding him upright. 

When he saw Haitani on the other side of the door, smiling back at him with the same confidence he’d always worn, he knew he had to be dreaming. He must have truly died. 

“Yo!” he waved. “Did ya miss me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting sick of your face, Haitani
> 
> I apologize to anyone who was not prepared for the time skip.


	5. Chapter 5

It was, at first, very apparent that he was hallucinating. But the figure in his mind continued to stand there, continued to speak as if it were flesh and bone. His voice as well was a perfect mirage. “We have a lot to catch up on, don’t we?” it mused. 

The man slid his shoes off and walked in. In the light, his features emphasized his presence as the matured version of his priorly adolescent self. He had grown a few inches, as well. “It’s good to see you after all this time. You’re probably pretty surprised to see me, too, but can you close your mouth now?” 

He realized that his mouth was indeed hanging open and he shut it, covering his face in embarrassment. To be teased like this again, by someone he had neglected… he did not hate it. 

“You… It’s really--” he stumbled over his words “I-I mean that is really you, right? Haitani.” 

Haitani nodded and took the initiative in unlocking the hallway’s door. “In the flesh. What, have I been haunting you?” he laughed “I didn’t mean to tease you that much, sorry.” 

“N-No!” he pressed on the door, suddenly. “Don’t go in there. It’s…” 

“Oh?” he looked surprised. Then his expression slipped into a sly grin. “Let me guess… You have company? You dog.” 

“It’s nothing like that!” he argued, and refused to budge. But he’d temporarily forgotten that, even after all these years, his weak and thin body was no match against someone like Haitani; more especially now that he’d grown. 

How did he get so tall? It wasn’t fair. He stood his ground until he was gently moved aside. The door opened and it triggered an unsightly avalanche of clothes, magazines, empty ramen cups… “Oh.” he sounded less excited. 

“So this is what you were keeping from me?” he sighed “And here I thought you’d gone and found a lover while I was away…” 

“I-I didn’t! It’s just that right now, I-” he was at a loss in regards to what he should explain first. There so many things to say, and if it came out all at once, he might let something unnecessary slip. 

And then there were the questions he’d longed to ask him. Are you here to stay? Are you still angry? And so on. 

“You know, I was a bit worried about this before. But judging by this mess… There’s no doubt about it. You’re still single, right? Always making An cry…” he wrapped his arm around Ritsu’s shoulder and pulled him close, patting him light-heartedly, much in the same way he had when they younger. 

“Could you please leave.” the intolerant request arose from the opposite end of the room. Takano was standing there among the mess with his arms folded and a deep scowl on his face. “Onodera and I were in the middle of something.” 

In spite of his rude behavior, Haitani merely responded with a smile. His arms never left Ritsu’s shoulder, “Actually, I haven’t seen this guy in ten years. Can you believe that? So whatever you’re doing can probably wait a little longer. For me, I might go crazy if we don’t chat right now.” 

“What a coincidence.” he replied spitefully “This guy and I have a decade of unfinished business to sort out. And something tells me that what we have to discuss is more important, so sorry about your wasted time.” 

“Oh not at all!” Haitani laughed, “It’s crazy that Onodera’s become so popular. But that’s to be expected, he’s really great, isn’t he?” he turned towards Ritsu, whose discomfort was plastered plainly on his face. “So who’s the comedian, Onodera?” 

“Th-This guy…” he struggled to find the correct words; if he were too vague it would sound like a lie, but he did not know where to begin. “He’s… just an acquaintance who needed a place to st-” 

“We’re lovers.” he was interrupted “And we were in the middle of doing lovey dovey stuff before you arrived-”

“No, we are not!” he argued, and he shook Haitani’s hands off of him as his body rocked in frustration. “He’s just a freeloader! A-Anyway,” he struggled to keep his composure. His gaze returned to Haitani and softened. “Let’s go out for lunch…I think it would be nice to catch up with you-”

“What a great idea!” Haitani and Takano said in unexpected unison. 

They exchanged looks. Takano’s notably aggravated, whereas Haitani was becoming more smug by the minute. 

Ritsu paled. Haitani’s arm was around him again, and he was speaking happily. “It’s going to be so great! To have a meal with my Best Friend and his ‘acquaintance’ after all this time. Isn’t that right, Onodera?” 

Something about the way he emphasized ‘best friend’ was unnatural, but if he fanned the flames of their childish feud, it would only worsen. 

-

To not humor their unnecessary rivalry was what he had resolved to do, and first and foremost of those plans included keeping them as separate as possible. So why, then… were they seated around a table having ramen together? 

Nothing about this felt natural. Between these two there was nothing but tension and it was so thick that the atmosphere felt suffocating. 

Still, unwilling to allow this opportunity to pass him by again, he began with sincerity “Haitani… I’m sorry about the way things turned out, that night. I know there’s nothing I can say that would change things. But I really never intended to neglect you that way… Though I know that what you meant to say to me was important.” 

“Huh? Oh, that’s old news.” he waved it off, “What’s more important is the here and now, right? Sure, I was hurt, but… We’ll call it square with a date.” 

“Hah?” he looked up, dumbfounded and utterly ignoring his bowl, “A date…” 

He recalled how difficult it was to identify Haitani’s intentions; could not tell if he was being teased. Either way the one that scoffed loudest at the idea was the one seated next to him, “Like hell.” 

“E-Excuse me?!” he kept his voice low, but elbowed his ‘acquaintance’ “Don’t be rude!” 

“That’s alright.” Haitani assured, “I don’t mind entertaining third-wheels every once in awhile. But about our date… Well, we’ll discuss that outside.” 

As he stood, Takano rose from his seat at well but was quickly reprimanded. “Takano, please don’t abandon the table! It’ll be troublesome towards the staff if they can’t find us.” pleaded Ritsu. 

Reluctantly, he took his seat and muttered an uninterested “Whatever.” 

Once they were outside of the shop, Haitani lit a cigarette. Ritsu was somewhat surprised, but supposed that this sort of development was natural. “So,” he began with a puff, “you’ve gotten yourself quite the admirer, there. Must have fell hard.” 

Ritsu shifted uncomfortably before he shook his head, “It’s just… I can never tell what he’s thinking. So I don’t really…” 

“Have you guys done it yet?” 

He observed the sudden change in Ritsu’s expression. Though clearly troubled, it quickly shifted to embarrassment. “Don’t just say things like that! How could we?! Also, he’s not that type of ‘friend’!” 

He laughed, “You’re right. There’s no way you’d waste something so precious on a pushy guy like him, right? I was just making sure, though.” he slid the cigarette out of his mouth and held it away from himself. “By the way, look here.” 

Ritsu obediently turned his head towards Haitani’s face. His chin was tilted slightly upward and he was kissed before his brain could register the danger. “...!” 

Something in his body deterred him from pulling away. The guilt, most likely. However, as soon as Haitani moved, he covered his face and panicked. “Th-That… Please don’t mess with me like that! We’re adults. And we’re in public, so this is--!” 

“Strange?” he concluded, replacing the cigarette in his mouth “I know. I wanted to make sure you would still react to me after all this time… I guess you could call that strange, ha. Anyhow…” he stepped away. 

In a split second, Ritsu’s wrist was gripped and he felt himself being pulled along, away from the bar. Confused, he looked back at where Haitani was standing. He didn’t seem to interpret his kidnapping with any sort of urgency, but he struggled against Takano even so. “Let me go! Stupid… Takano! We have to pay the bill--! Haitani, I’m sorry!” 

Haitani who remained there, utterly complacent, merely waved. “It’s fine! I’ll put it on our special tab and you can repay me on our date, alright? It was nice seeing you!”

As much as he appreciated his contribution, his pride was under attack. However, no matter how he tried to shake Takano off, his vice grip would not budge and he found himself loathing his body’s constitution wholeheartedly. 

-

Takano was evidently so furious that they’d passed up the subway. As a result, Ritsu was thoroughly exhausted as he was pushed through his apartment door. He struggled to take his shoes off at the entryway as Takano insisted on dragging him again. 

“Cut it out!” he breathed heavily as his shoes were kicked off “I… I don’t have a body like you do! Even if you can walk that fast, I…” 

No matter how many times he tripped or stumbled, Takano would offer no words and instead continuously pull him across the apartment. He’d been considerate enough to lock the doors, at the very least, but it didn’t negate the fact that he was worsening the wreckage. “H-Hey, I have to clean after this! You can’t just.” 

He was shoved on top of the bed and held down, although his body was so weak after the excessive strain that it was not even necessary to pin him. Once he felt the bed on his back, he knew it would be impossible to move. “T-Takano?” 

He worried that he was going to receive another warning. Breathing heavily, he struggled to find any sort of refreshment on his vanity and pricked his finger on a letter opener. He winced and retreated, but found an even more prominent danger awaiting him; Takano sat on top of him, then, with his shirt removed and an unreadable expression on his face. 

The look in his eyes was animalistic, even as he gently brushed the hair out of Onodera’s face.   
“...I’m sorry, Ritsu. I’ve held back long enough.” 

Before he could demand an explanation, or protest, his mouth was covered again. He struggled fruitlessly to break free, and found his body unwittingly grinding, rocking against the man on top of him in the process. He couldn’t see Takano clearly through the darkness but he could tell that the friction was exciting him. It was a clumsy mistake, on his part. 

As his mouth was released, he swore at him with little else to do but shout. “Sh-shit… Takano, get off of me! I’m not kidding; this isn’t funny, we’re both men!” 

Lips were on his neck and the sensation shocked him. He stumbled over his words, then, “Cut it out… Cut it out! Y-You’ll get into trouble if you seriously do--” 

“It’s worth it.” he cut Ritsu off by cupping his chin and licking his lips, requesting permission that he did not receive. Even so, he slid his fingers across his lips and pressed against them, until they were eventually forced to part. Their tongues slid together with all sorts of slick sounds. 

The heat rising in his body reaffirmed Ritsu’s suspicions and he wanted to hide. He was strange, after all. Why else would a man react to another man like this? Even in this sort of situation, he was the strange one. 

“G…” he struggled to speak as his mouth was occupied, but Takano eventually pulled away again to slide his pants down and part his legs. He worried about the sudden progression, and meant to curse him when he heard- 

“I’m going to put it in.” 

The notion was enough to make him panic. If something like that were to happen, then… 

With little alternative, he stretched his body towards the vanity and gripped the first thing he could find. It was sharp in his hand and stung his previously opened wound; the letter opener, he realized. 

“Ritsu?” there was concern in his voice. However, before he could reach the instrument, Ritsu plunged it into his own throat— 

—his body felt numb and tingly, but he was seated in front of the door. Takano was still there on the bed, looking confused, dumbfounded, probably somewhat hurt. He feared that he might resume his pursuit, but he simply sat there with slumped shoulders. 

“...I’m sorry.” was the only consolation the man offered. But his apology could not erase tension between them. 

Ritsu stormed out of the room with nothing but his coat and his phone. The adrenaline had erased his previous exhaustion and he abandoned his apartment, phoning the first person on his contact list.

-

He understood that there would be rejection, but to go as far as to take his own life in order to escape… He had to admit, it was clever. In the darkness of that messy apartment, he was left to wallow in the consequences of his actions and sulk. 

He did not want to think about where he had run off to. No matter how obvious it seemed; did not want to believe he had just driven him into another man’s arms. 

Then he let out a sigh and laid back on the empty bed. “You can come out now, I know you’re there.” 

The curtains shifted slightly. A man wearing a gray suit was staring back at him, shaking his head in disapproval. “I have to commend you, Masamune. I didn’t think you could dig a bigger grave for yourself and yet here you go, proving me wrong once again.” 

“Ah, shit…” he groaned “So they sent you to lecture me, huh… Yokozawa.” 

Yokozawa maneuvered around the mess in order to turn the lights on. As he watched his friend, sitting there alone on the bed with his shirt off, he had to sigh. “Masamune… You’re here in order to repent for your sins, not recreate them. You can’t just handle your problems with sex. The only difference between the current you and the you ‘from before’ is that you’ve lost your ability to exercise rational thought.” 

He knew he was in for a long lecture. He fished around the bed for his shirt, though it was not there. Yokozawa helped him out by picking it up off the floor… and if he hadn’t, then he might have been searching for it for years. 

“What were you thinking?!” he rubbed his temples as if warding off a migraine “He’s in this mess because of your mistake. Have you forgotten what Kirishima told you?! The next offense isn’t just banishment, Masamune. I’ve pulled enough strings for you as is. To think that you’d jeopardize everything… and lose your composure over a human. It really isn’t like you.” 

With a pitiful glance at his forlorn friend, who made no attempt to argue, he added solemnly “...He must be very special, if he can rile up a guy like you.” 

He said nothing, at first, but eventually conceded with a nod. “...It’s because I’ve been watching him for so long. I can’t help thinking that things would have turned out differently, had we met back then. He is definitely the one I’m attached to.” 

“By the red string?” he took a seat at the end of the bed “I know. But I hope you haven’t forgotten; you live in different worlds now. Perhaps there was a chance back then, but your paths were never destined to cross as soon as you made the decision to die.” 

“I know.” 

“You know, there was once a time when I hoped that you and I were connected like that.” he turned to look at him, “When I died, and I found out that it wasn’t true… The pain was almost enough to kill me twice, but here we are. Do you know why that is?” 

“It’s… because the dead can’t die.” 

“Cut the sarcasm, Masamune.” he retorted with an agitated brow “It’s because I thought that you were better off alive. As long as you were living your life somewhere, I was happy even if we couldn’t meet. However…” he scowled “I never imagined you’d find a way to throw that back in my face. You’re truly a merciless man, you know that.” 

“Save it.” he tossed a pillow at him “I’ve already-” 

“I know.” he interrupted “There’s nothing I can say to you that would hammer it into your head more than what you’ve endured already. Watching from afar, every single day as your loved one lives on without you. I can’t say that I would have behaved differently either, if I were given this opportunity.” 

“So Kirishima isn’t the one who wears the pants in-” he was silenced by a pillow thrown with shocking momentum. 

“The point is,” he grit his teeth to refrain from hitting him “Now that you have this opportunity, I would wisen up. Try to brute force it and you’ll lose him any day now… While you still have time in this world, treasure him.” 

He removed his head from the pillow he had used in an attempt to suffocate himself. “Even in death you don’t know when to stop talking, shitty angel.” he spat, but the weight from the bed was gone and if he sat up, he knew he’d be sitting in an empty room again. 

-

It was roughly mid afternoon when he arrived at An’s apartment, and he felt odd inquiring about a place to spend the night when it was so early on. But An, the blessed soul that she was, smiled and said he was welcomed any time. 

“Thank you, An.” he breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled his shoes off at the door. 

She smiled and returned to the kitchen, where it sounded and smelled as though she was cooking. “Anything for my childhood friend. Although I wonder what could have made you run out of the house like that?” 

He felt flustered suddenly, thinking back to what he had narrowly avoided. He was a bit ashamed of himself, exploiting his curse to escape from that situation, but… 

“Ah, does it have something to do with your lover?” she guessed. 

“Wh-What?! That guy isn’t my lover!” he looked up suddenly, and realized that her eyes were on him, unconvinced. 

“If you say so.” she smiled and began serving the food. “I wasn’t expecting visitors so I didn’t make much, but you can have half of this.” she assured as she began to separate the plates. 

“Huh? No way! I can’t just take food from you…” 

“It’s because you don’t eat well that I worry about you.” she set two plates on the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for him. “You should take better care of yourself… Your body is still weak from the accident, but you’re still so careless sometimes.” 

He took a seat and thanked her for the food. He couldn’t deny that perhaps instant ramen didn’t pack the best nutritional value, but… 

“What are you going to do if you seriously get hurt one day…” she shook her head “You could really die if you’re not careful!” 

“Ah…” if only it were that simple. “Thank you, for worrying about me, An. I really couldn’t ask for a better friend.” 

They ate silently, having nothing particularly important to say to the other. He feared that they might spend the whole evening in uncomfortable silence. 

“Ritsu…” she managed eventually, when her plate was empty. “Have you ever considered breaking off our engagement?” 

He nearly choked on his rice. She fussed for a moment, but he was fine as soon as he swallowed down some water. “Huh? Wh-What brought this…” he recalled the other night’s fiasco and looked down on himself in shame, “It’s because of what you saw, right? Look, I can explain-” 

She smiled earnestly “Well, that is only part of the reason. But to be honest, you never wanted this engagement in the first place. Right?” 

He looked up at her with eyes wide-opened. When did she get so sharp, he wondered. 

Then he sat back and slumped, knowing all too well that he could no longer avoid it. “...You’re right.” 

“It’s because your heart doesn’t belong to me.” there was a melancholy undertone to the smile she was wearing “You don’t have that type of interest.” 

He shifted in his chair. The true meaning behind those words hit him like a dagger. “Th-That’s not it! It’s just that you and I… We…” 

“So you would be able to kiss me right now?” she challenged. 

His face paled immediately. It wasn’t as though he hated her. In fact he’d say that they were rather close in the past, however… 

“I… I’m sorry, An. I just don’t see you that way. I’m sorry.” 

“I know.” she picked up the dinner plates and brought them to the sink, where she commenced washing her hands. “Please don’t worry, I won’t hold that sort of thing against you. I gave up on those feelings a long time ago as well, so you shouldn’t feel troubled.” 

He winced at the allusion to their high school days. When she had asked him out and he’d struggled to tell her that he simply couldn’t imagine dating her. 

It caused a rift between them for a bit. 

“I want you to be happy.” she turned around and folded her hands in front of her “I’ve wanted to help you achieve happiness however I could. Even before the accident, but… while I watched you and your friend. I knew that I wasn’t the right person.” 

He looked confused, for a moment. “...You mean Haitani and I…?” 

Her head shook “It was your friend, from the other night.” and she watched in amusement as he crumpled in shock. 

“That… W-We aren’t like that at all! In fact the whole reason I’m here is because-” 

“It’s because you two have been fighting… but that’s the first time I’ve seen you so lively, Ritsu.” she crossed the kitchen in order to grab him, and pull him into a gentle embrace. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you behave that way since the accident.” 

He frowned at the mention of the accident but returned her embrace. She was warm.   
And yet, why doesn’t this feel any different from hugging a friend, or even a relative? Why must his body be so strange that it overlooks the person he was intended to. 

"I gave up on those feelings a long time ago.” she reiterated as she let him go “It's just that I don't want my efforts to go to waste, so please be honest with yourself as soon as possible.” 

He thought carefully about everything she was telling him. Giving her the opportunity to break off the engagement and then claiming that Takano had bettered him somehow. It was absurd, but in order to refute her, he would have to explain his situation. 

He knew for a fact that he could not do that. The only other person in this world that understood it was Takano, and this was something that he could not run from. 

“...Thank you.” he repeated, “For your sake… I’ll do my best to accept the truth.” 

Even if it meant accepting the fact that his body only reacted to boys, and somehow craved the touch of an otherworldly being. Yet accepting that sort of truth felt as fruitless as the encounters he’d had with the reaper so far. Nothing was accomplished, and the more he learned about himself, the less he understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An is such an angel... she could really give Yokozawa a run for his money.


	6. Chapter 6

Due to work, Ritsu was unable to return home until late in the evening, the following afternoon. He considered the possibility of coming home to an empty apartment. 

It wasn’t likely that the reaper would stick around after a rejection like that, but… It was best to negate his diluted ideas of ‘love’ while they were fresh. He’d snap out of it eventually. 

He kicked his shoes off and locked the door behind him, making his way through the entry hall calmly in spite of his trembling fingertips. He’d been nervous all day, thinking about how to face him after so many childish things occurred. 

“Welcome back.” said Takano, who was seated on the couch with a book. 

What was most surprising about this picture was not the fact that he remained, nor even the fact that he was reading a classic by Akikawa. It was the fact that he could see his couch in all of its cushioned glory, and the floor, too. There was no sign of his empty ramen cups, cans or bottles to be found. 

Briefly, he considered the possibility of having stepped into the wrong apartment. “...What-”

“It’s time to eat. Your fridge is full of shit, though, so I borrowed a few things from the neighbors.” 

Ritsu followed Takano into the kitchen. Lo and behold, the dishes were done. The floor was visible and there were no half-eaten plates of food anywhere. Was this what heaven was? 

“You… Just when did you find the time to do all of this?” he looked around. It was just as fresh and functional as it had been when he’d first rented the place! 

As Takano set the plates, he scoffed “The better question is how the hell you managed to turn your place into such a dump. And I haven’t even had time to touch the bedroom, you little hoarder.” 

Ritsu was helpful in terms of fetching the silverware, but took immediate offense. “It’s not like that stuff was here because I wanted it. It’s just… There’s not a lot of time to pick up around here!” Out of spite, he mumbled a brief ‘thank you’ under his breath and dug into the food. 

Dinner was a simple plate of omurice; nothing particularly intricate and yet his eyes watered with utmost delight. It was a far cry from convenient store lunches or ramen, and he worried that he’d never want to return to that second-rate lifestyle after this meal. “This… is amazing.” his shoulders trembled with joy. 

“You really need to stop eating crap.” he suggested, working on his own plate quite slowly. 

In contrast, Ritsu ate as though the meal would disappear at any second. As much as he wanted to savor it, the cravings were more or less overruling his self control. However, after a moment he had to pause-- because something interesting occurred to him. 

He lowered his plate and tentatively watched Takano eat. He was noticed almost immediately in spite of his attempts to be discreet. “What.” 

“I… was just wondering.” he struggled, “You’re a reaper, and you said you were dead. Right? So… In that case, why do you need to eat.” 

“I don’t.” he took another bite of his food, if only to be a contrarian. “As a reaper, I don’t need food. I don’t even need to breathe or sleep, but I do because it’s instinctual. As of now, however.” he looked Ritsu in the eye, “This body is just as human as yours, so I need to take care of it.” 

He looked genuinely interested, so much so that he nearly forgot his plate until he was curtly reminded that it shouldn’t go to waste. He finished it much faster than he would have liked, but it was worth it. “I see… So, does that mean you can… be ‘killed’ right now?” 

“Don’t get any funny ideas. I would crush you like a bug.” 

“I-I wasn’t suggesting anything like that!” he argued “I just wanted to know… If you’re killed right now, does that mean you’ll go back to being a reaper? Not that I want anything like that to happen to you!” 

He sat back for a moment, apparently considering the possibility. With a hum of curiosity, he concluded, “I’m not sure, but it’s most likely that I’d resume my duties as a reaper. However, that usually doesn’t happen.” 

“What do you mean?” he pushed his plate aside and crossed his legs, more engrossed in the conversation than he realized. 

“Mortals aren’t assigned to reaping by choice, they do it when they need to atone for something. In terms of large-scale crimes, they’re usually not repenting for something incredibly severe. I’d say the most common offense is suicide.” 

Ritsu recalled their initial conversation, though the ten year gap made it difficult. “Right… I think you mentioned something like that before. You said you…?” 

“Killed myself.” he finished, looking positively indifferent in every way. “The death of my best friend was the root of it, among other things. Though I’ve already explained this to you.” 

“It can’t be helped, that was ten years ago!” he was feeling increasingly bitter about his absence. “But… Does that mean you’re going to be doing this for the rest of eternity?” 

Eternity. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought of it. He could barely handle the crises erupting in his short, 25-year long span of life and yet the man before him was dancing with eternity. With all sorts of tribulations, to boot.

“Sorta.” he shrugged, “I haven’t thought that far ahead, but to be honest it’s not a bad gig. Dealing with all sorts of dead humans everyday isn’t great. But it’s sometimes interesting to see the way that they lived.” 

Ritsu couldn’t imagine it. He shook his head solemnly, “That sort of thing… It’s a little too harsh, don’t you think? Don’t they care at all about the circumstances of your death?” 

He nodded, “Suicide cases aren’t always punished. But because of my actions…” he trailed off. 

“...Because of your…?” he urged him to continue. 

“It’s nothing.” he picked up their plates and headed to the kitchen. But not before reprimanding him, “And don’t just leave your filthy plate there when I just picked up after your lazy ass!” 

Somehow, all the sympathy he’d beheld for this man disappeared in an instant. “I’m not lazy, you freeloader--!” 

As Takano washed up their plates, he took it upon himself to mention something that had been on his mind for awhile. And said it quite straightforwardly, “I don’t think you should see Haitani again.” 

Ritsu froze, halfway to the living room. He stopped in order to turn around and give him a defiant frown, “You’ve got a lot of nerve making that kind of demand! What do you know about him? It’s because of you that our relationship became weird in the first place!” 

“I know that he’s bad news.” he put the dishes away and rubbed his hands dry with a cloth. 

“After what you pulled, of course he’d be unpleasant!” he folded his arms. 

“No, that’s not what I’m referring to.” he approached Ritsu, and got so close that he was wary for a moment. But it seemed that his only intention was to look him in the eye as he asserted, “It’s because something about him is off, I can tell just by looking. But since I can’t put my finger on it, it’s better to just stay away.” 

Ritsu backed up a bit and pulled off his coat, offhandedly draping it across the couch. “That’s ridiculous. He may be a bit… pushy. But that’s his personality, and he has a good side to him… That you’ll never get to see if you keep acting so rudely!” 

Takano followed him and picked up his jacket, “Idiot, don’t just make a mess again. Put it on a hook where it belongs.” and added while boldly pressing a kiss to his forehead, “I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t love you.” 

Ritsu was thankful that his back was turned, or he surely would have seen the heat rise in his face and gotten the wrong idea. He clenched his fists, “I really hate it when I get teased like that, so please stop!” 

He expected a sly laugh, but instead had his hair ruffled by Takano’s hand as he passed by him. “I’m not teasing you. I’m always sincere when it comes to the one I love.” 

His face was burning bright at this point, and he had to wonder how this man could manage to utter things that would only be heard in manga. His thoughts were cut short as his phone rang. 

Haitani was calling him, he realized. As excited as he was to further their conversation, he figured it was best to keep Takano out of the loop, this time; it was for their own good that they were separate. He took his call out into the entryway and answered quietly, “Hello?” 

“Onodera! Good to see you’re not busy. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to drop by the bar with me tonight.” Although they were not face to face, Ritsu felt that he could envision Haitani’s expression, and it hadn’t changed at all since they were students. 

However, “A bar… Well, I would love to, except I…” if he said that he was a lightweight, he was surely be teased. 

“Oh don’t worry, we’re not drinking.” he assured “I have to work in the morning so a hangover would be a bitch to deal with. Just have a couple rounds of water while we catch up, alright?” 

After a moment of deep consideration, he could not determine any harm in a setup like that. “Alright, I’ll see you there.” 

“Great! See you then.” 

With a sigh of relief, he hung up and double checked in order to ensure that Takano had not heard him. He peeked into the living room, which was currently vacant and shouted, “W-Work just called, I’m heading out!” 

If only he could manage to say things like that with more confidence. 

-

As he walked into the bar, Haitani had already taken his seat at the counter, and reserved the stool beside him. He patted it with anticipation, “Hey! Glad to see you could sneak out of the house; you sure your husband won’t get mad?” 

His smile faltered, “He’s not my husband! And besides, things aren’t like that, so…” 

“He seems to think it’s like that, though.” he insisted. Then he called the bartender over in order to place their orders for two bubbly glasses of ‘their finest water’.

The man was only somewhat amused by his cheekiness and moved along to help the next customer. Ritsu understood that he was not the only one troubled by Haitani’s poor personality traits. 

“We aren’t here to talk about Takano.” he sighed “Rather… I wanted to know what you’ve been up to, recently?” at the very least, the prospect of finally knowing put a smile on his face. 

Haitani was happy as well in spite of having the subject changed, and began with a deep breath, “Well, it’s a long story but I’ll keep it short. The gist of it is that I had to head overseas due to some ‘unforeseen financial troubles’, as my folks worded it. And I guess my phone plan didn’t cover international calls or something like that? Anyway, I really tried to get in contact with you some other way. But…” 

Ritsu nodded, as certain things began to make sense. It was likely that the eviction notice fell under their definition of unforeseen financial troubles. 

“Can you believe that I lost my phone overseas? Ha, while we were in London, I made a clumsy slip and it fell right into the water.” he stretched his hands out wide in a gesticulation intended to emphasize the helplessness of the situation. “Dumb luck, right? And since I didn’t have your number saved anywhere else, things just worked out so that I had to wait.” 

As he began to unwittingly space out, he wondered what life was like in London. It was a place that he’d always wanted to visit, but never found the time. 

“London?” he inquired further, “I was supposed to study there once I reached high school, but… On account of the accident, I guess the doctors agreed that it was best to keep me here, where I could be supervised.” 

Haitani clapped his shoulder reassuringly “What a shame! If you had gone I would have totally looked out for you.” 

He smiled, “It’s fine, because while I was here, I realized that English is much harder than it looks! Ah, but I have been meaning to ask. How’d you get my new address…?” Finding Haitani at his doorstep was perhaps the most pleasant yet unexpected shock of his life. 

“Oh, that.” he sipped his water until half of the cup was gone, “It’s because I asked your friend… what was his name, Nao?” 

His eyes widened, “You know Nao?” 

“Sorta.” he clarified “I know he’s your co-worker. The best place to look for you is at Onodera Publishing, right?” 

He felt a bit embarrassed that he hadn’t realized. Of course, Onodera’s connections would be found in a building with such a large stake in his life. And it was pretty hard to miss, as well. “That makes sense…” 

The next question he asked was predominantly out of courtesy, as opposed to genuine interest, “So… How are your relatives doing, and did your parents move oversea as well?” 

Something in Haitani seemed to tense up and he turned towards Ritsu with an expression that was briefly unreadable. But perhaps it was merely a trick of the light, or his own nervousness, because he merely smile and cupped his face gently. “You’re so cute.” 

“Huh?” he ran his fingers over Haitani’s hand wearily, debating whether it would be rude to tear it off. His fingers were cold from touching the glass, and after a moment, he seemed to realize this and pulled away. 

“By the way,” he perked up “while I was overseas, I learned to speak English.” 

“Really?” he was genuinely interested, this time. If only because he’d never imagined Haitani to be the type willing to learn that sort of thing… though it made sense. 

He nodded, “It’s pretty simple, actually.” and to illustrate this, he waved his hand as he greeted, “‘Hello, Ritsu.’” in flawless English. His accent could not be entirely dismissed, but Ritsu had to admit that he had a better grasp of foreign pronunciation than most. 

“Wow… That means hello, right?” he received a nod, and impulsively wanted more. “C-Can you say something else? Like…” 

More than eager to comply, Haitani continued, “‘Goodbye’, ‘How are you today’, ‘I am doing fine, thanks’...” lastly, he added with an especially sly grin, “‘We should bang’.” 

That last phrase confused Ritsu, with words and sounds that he did not recognize. “The last part is confusing?” 

His friend who did not know when to stop teasing merely patted his shoulder, and assured confidently, “It’s just a proverb they have overseas. Think of it as an advanced lesson.” 

He nodded, “Oh, okay.” because it made sense. Although he was curious about the nature of what was said, but thought little else of it. 

Haitani took a look at his watch, “It’s getting pretty late. You sure your husband doesn’t mind you sharing a drink with me?” 

With a sigh, he chided him. “Haitani… I know you guys got off on the wrong foot. And I apologize for being forward, but would it be alright if you at least pretended to get along?”

“Hm, that is interesting.” he conceded, “I’ll definitely keep it in mind. Need me to walk you to the station, again?” 

Ritsu shook his head, “I’ll be fine, there’s no need to go out of your way like that.” and added with a bow, “Thank you for inviting me out tonight. It was fun.” 

While his head was bowed, Haitani ruffled his hair and messed it up. “That’s fine and all, just don’t forget about our date. This Friday should work out, right?” 

Ritsu nodded. “This Friday… Ah, I don’t get off work until late that day, so would nine o’clock be alright.” 

With a final affirmative gesture, they parted ways at the door. So long as their plans together continued to solidify in such straightforward ways, Ritsu was sure that there would be no issues. 

He walked away from the bar feeling relieved, as well. Because he had been under the impression that Haitani would bear a grudge after all these years… so to learn that it wasn’t the case, and that everything was just one big misunderstanding… It felt like a weight had been lifted. 

The subway was peaceful as well, and he mused at how just one week ago the world seemed too spacious, too demanding. It was interesting how having just one friend could make a difference. 

“Ah, I should thank Takano when I get home tonight.” he realized, and kept this thought to himself. 

Something occurred to him, then. It was true that finding Onodera would have been relatively easy in consideration to the conspicuousness of his family’s business. But… 

“Nao doesn’t know my address, does he…?” he wondered aloud. Nobody was there to clarify it for him but he could have sworn that he’d never given Nao his new address. In any case, he relented to ask about it at work, tomorrow. 

He was exhausted by the time he reached his apartment door. Though the good food in his system certainly helped, he couldn’t deny the setbacks that his body provided. Being so weak, sometimes was such a hindrance that he wanted to switch brains with somebody. Perhaps somebody who was well enough to travel overseas. 

He expected a ‘welcome home’, subconsciously as he walked in. Even though it was a nuance in his usually desolate life, he relented that human adaptability was an amazing and fast-paced thing. 

Upon opening the door to an empty living room, and kitchen, he felt a bit nervous. 

Maybe he found out that he’d met with Haitani and secret, and felt so troubled that he decided to leave. Or was forced to leave by the unknown forces that Takano never explained. Moreover, there was an open book sitting on the couch, that may or may not have been indefinitely left behind. 

His heart was in a bit of a panic at first, wondering if his life was going to be a perpetual cycle of forfeiting one friend at the expense of another. He picked the book up and brought it to his room, briefly noting that it was an American classic. One that he hadn’t gotten around to reading since high school, and has consequently forgotten the contents.

In his slightly-less-disastrous room, a man lay on his bed. His heart continued to beat with anxiety, but the relief calmed his nerves. He set the book on his end table and prepared to crash on the couch, when his waist was grabbed and he was forcefully yanked into the bed. 

“--! Takano, let go of me! I’m sleeping on the couch. Let go!” he struggled against him, but was indisputably weak. Of course he was, against someone who somehow managed the energy to spend a whole day cleaning and still found the time to cook. 

“Just stay.” he suggested. He held him tight and leaned over him, to watch his reaction. “I’m not going to do anything, so stay.” 

Those words… felt so familiar, somehow. “I-I didn’t think you would…” he lied. 

It was dark and therefore nearly impossible to see his expression clearly, but he thought Takano was smiling. He was frozen for a moment, wondering what he was supposed to say, now. Would it be appropriate to stay. Did he have a choice?

“I loved that book.” he said, reaching overhead to grab it. “It’s been awhile since I’ve read it, but it’s aged well.” 

Ritsu, in his daze, wondered how many books this man had read in his entire life. Wondered if it would be okay to ask him, but his consciousness was slipping. To stay focused and awake in the midst of such an unexpectedly comfortable warmth was impossible. 

“Goodnight, Ritsu.” the voice he used now was so gentle that it was unfair. He wanted desperately to push him off or at least turn away, but the nature in which his voice was so unconditionally affectionate baffled him. Yet again, his own body betrayed him with the impulse to get closer to this man and stay in his arms as he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this chapter seems shorter than usual, I thought my poor hand was going to fall off. Hopefully the next chapter will make up for it.


	7. Chapter 7

Takano sifted through the fridge in search of something with at least some nutritional value. However, the only food in the vicinity seemed to be vitamin water and the occasional protein bar. Though his intentions were to greet Ritsu with a warm dinner every night, that sort of thing could not be accomplished if the boy continued to subsist off of convenient store scraps. 

When Ritsu walked in that afternoon, he voiced his concerns rather bluntly. “I’m impressed. I didn’t think you could get any dumber, but this is the only thing in your fridge, right?” 

Ritsu looked a bit agitated, and skipped any greetings he previously intended to offer. “So what! It’s just that eating can become… a bit of a hassle, sometimes.” his voice trailed off while he shrunk away from the realization that he was, perhaps, truly an idiot. This was the type of thing that even Nao had criticized him for, when he figured out that Ritsu’s ‘bentos’ were primarily energy bars. 

“No wonder you’re anemic.” he noted, “Whatever. Put your jacket back on, we’re going to dinner.” 

“Dinner?” he shrugged his jacket halfway off, but hesitated. “I don’t know what kind of budget you think I have, but…” 

“It’s on me.” Takano as already turning the interior lights off and fetching his coat. 

However, this assertion did not quell Ritsu’s concerns. “You and what money?! How could you have possibly--” 

In the midst of his whining, Takano slapped a card down on the kitchen counter and slipped it towards him. “Call me a freeloader one more time.” 

Enraged, Ritsu picked up the card and scanned it warily. “Are you kidding me…?” his shoulders shook, “You’re a host?! How. There’s no way!” Then he held it up to the light. 

“It’s authentic, little brat. And no, I’m not a host. But in case you don’t recall, I had to borrow some ingredients from the neighbors in order to make dinner because your dumbass doesn’t buy groceries.” he folded his arms and somehow, this revelation became a lecture quite quickly. “Did you think that was free? Because that guy had an arrangement, I had to fill in for him during the day.” 

He wondered when Takano would have had the time to do all this. Or how he’d managed to slide into such an exclusive job so easily, but… He spared himself the headache. “Wh-Whatever, are we going to dinner or not?” 

“So you accept our date.” 

“Agh!” the door slammed with frustration, but Takano, who was undeterred, followed him shortly. 

-

The budget of a host was still pretty good, even for a stand-in. Although it was still a far cry from a five-star restaurant, they found themselves enjoying a meal at a rather decent spot renowned for its successful luncheons. And from what Ritsu recalled, it was an establishment that his coworkers often hit up for their company celebrations. 

“Maybe I should attend, next time.” he thought earnestly. 

His phone buzzed, suddenly, and he’d nearly forgotten his previous inquiry to Nao during work until he replied, “Sorry I brushed you off earlier!” with an additional “The boss was riding us hard today, I guess someone really pissed him off. Anyway, as for what you said. Sorry Ritsu, I don’t have your new address! You should really give it to me, though? Also, I don’t remember anyone with that name at the goukon last week, but I was pretty drunk…” 

So it could go either way, then. Haitani could have easily been there for some reason another or maybe not. Nao could have easily learned his address through the company and parroted it, or not. One way or the other, it didn’t seem like a very malicious lie. 

As he stared at the phone a minute too long, Takano swept it from his hand. “It’s rude to use your phone while on a date.” 

He clenched his fists, considered the consequences of wringing his neck right then and there and refrained. “It was from work!” was the excuse he gave, which was not necessarily a lie. 

“It can wait.” he retorted, dropping the phone in his coat pocket. “You should be paying attention to me right now.” 

“What are you, a kid…?” he sighed. He wasn’t given ample time to dwell on it, however, as the waitress stopped by their table with pen and pad in hand. 

“Good evening, sirs! Are you two ready to order?” she gave them a chipper smile, to the point where it was almost unnerving. Nobody was ever that happy to work, right? 

Takano experienced the intrusion with little discomfort. “Water, and I’ve been looking at this.” he slid his finger to a particular portion of the menu and repeated the name. She jotted his order down with a surprising amount of attentiveness, and then switched to Ritsu. 

“And what would you be having this evening?” she asked. 

Her gaze wasn’t scrutinizing in the least, and yet he still faltered under her expectant gaze. He’d forgotten what portion of dinner they were ordering. Takano started off with water, right? But he wanted tea, so he stammered, “Ah, tea…” 

“And would you like that hot or cold.” 

“H-Hot?” he fidgeted with the menu. 

“And for your order?” 

He was at a loss, suddenly, as he’d completely forgotten to look over the menu while they were seated. He wondered how he could be so foolish, “I-I guess I’ll have this.” It was a very simple dish but it was hot and the picture looked tasty, at the very least. 

“And how would you like your steak cooked? Rare, medium rare or well done?” 

The questions did not stop there. As soon as he struggled through one, another would erupt just like a rash. “And how many sides would you like with that. Fruits or vegetables? If you substitute this for that order, your meal becomes 20% off. Adding rice is an additional… is that okay?” 

By the time she’d reached the end of her inquiry, he was sitting there in a daze and the lady was happily gathering their menus. “Your food will be right out!” she assured. 

Takano leaned back and watched him, “Wow, that was sad.” 

“Shut up!” his face was turning red, “I-It’s just that I didn’t expect all those questions… And anyway, why didn’t she ask YOU all sorts of things?” 

“It’s because I ordered the dinner special, and it’s pre-ordered, dumbass.” 

“Y-You could have told me that!” he insisted. 

“Actually, I think it’s cute when you fumble like an idiot. Next time, try to become more aware of me-- just like that, alright?” he spread his arms across his seat and kicked one leg over the other. To say the least, he looked comfortable. 

On the other hand, Ritsu was getting more and more tense by the minute. “What the hell are you insinuating…” he muttered. 

The waitress returned with a hot tray, and Ritsu had to wonder how she found the time to prioritize their table with several other unattended guests in the room. Even so, he quaintly accepted the hot tea, as she poured it for him and slid the glass of water across the table. “Thank you so much for your patience, your food will be right out!” 

“That was quick…” he muttered. 

“It’s the true power of a host. I’m practically unstoppable.” he asserted as he took a sip of his water. 

“That’s some confidence you have…” he sighed, and again had to wonder just how he’d been roped into this. With a man who was clearly insane and had some diluted idea of love floating around in his mind. 

The bells attached to the eatery’s door jingled; the chef at the counter offered a loud “Welcome!” and in-walked the unexpected guest of the hour. Haitani, who simply looked amused in general, had his eyes widen sharply at the sight of Ritsu’s shared table. “Well if it isn’t the little prince!” 

The so-called ‘little prince’ turned around with eyes equally as wide. Of all places, he had not expected to run into Haitani here. “H-Haitani! What are you doing here…?” 

“It almost sounds as though you aren’t happy to see me.” he ruffled his hair, but otherwise took no offense to the inquiry. “Mind if I pull up a chair?” 

Ritsu’s eyes found Takano, but he made no indication of discomfort. Even though it was clear that he wouldn’t be okay with this… 

“Isn’t he being unusually submissive.” he wondered, but shrugged it off and returned his attention to Haitani, who took a seat next to him. 

“So, what are you two doing in a place like this? It’s pretty unusual for you to eat out, Ritsu. What with your bad habit and all…” 

He shrunk, knowing very well that Haitani was referring to his tendency to flounder under scrutiny. But he overlooked it. “We’re here because I… ah.” 

He wasn’t certain about whether or not it would really be alright to explain that they were here because he had no food. It would make him sound pathetic, for sure. 

“It’s a date.” Takano supplied, “We’re on a date.” 

Eyebrows raised, Haitani gave Ritsu an amused glance. “Is that so? Wow, never thought you’d have it in you to--” 

“It is not a date!” he frowned, “Takano, tell the truth. W-We’re here because there was nothing… particularly good, to eat at my place, so…” 

“Oh, that makes sense.” he shrugged, then wrapped his arm around his shoulder. “By the way, you haven’t forgotten about our date this Friday, right?”

He winced at the mention of their plans, half-expecting Takano to make a scene. But much to his surprise, Takano was quietly resigned towards the whole situation. 

“Right…” he nervously sipped his tea. 

Not a moment sooner, their food arrived and the woman cautiously asked Haitani if she would be joining them, to which he nodded, but rejected the menu in place of simply ordering a bowl of teriyaki and rice. 

“Of course!” as she returned to the kitchen, Ritsu took a bite of his food and marveled at the taste. 

“This is… so delicious!” returning to junk food after this was going to be difficult. He savored every single bite that he took, while Haitani watched him in awe. 

“That looks really good…” he leaned in, “Give me a bite of that, will you?” 

Ritsu nervously swallowed his mouthful of steak, “A bite…? Oh, sure.” he slid his plate closer to Haitani’s side of the table, but he shook his head and pointed to his mouth instead. 

“I want you to put it in my mouth.” he suggested, to which Ritsu felt that he was somehow being mocked. 

“We aren’t kids anymore.” and besides, this type of attention made him uncomfortable, even if he knew he was joking. There was only so far that one could go in public before it became weird. 

“I know, but for good old times sake. While I was away, I always thought that I missed being fed by you the most.” 

To bring up their separation as a means for incentive, that was surely clever. With his hands tied, Ritsu relented with a sigh and stuck a small piece of stake. He brought it up to Haitani’s mouth and like a compliant child, he ate it. “Delicious! I’ll feed you in return when my food gets here, alright?” 

“No, that’s really alright…” he continued to eat his food as a normal adult. Occasionally, his gaze found Takano. He was eating without much concern, it seemed. And it was presumptuous to assume that he knew enough about Takano to read his moods, but it didn’t take a genius to recognize his discomfort. 

The waitress returned with Haitani’s order and set it down, along with some utensils and a glass of water ‘on the house’. She left quickly, meanwhile Haitani was more than enthusiastic to uphold his end of the bargain. 

“Open wide, Onodera.” he stabbed a piece of teriyaki with his chopsticks and held them up to his face. Onodera was hesitant, at first, but it didn’t seem like Haitani was going to back down. 

“...Geez… You really haven’t chan-” as if to prove his point, he was interrupted by an intrusive piece of teriyaki. 

“Make sure you eat it. You may be an adult but you need the nutrients, right?” he nudged his shoulder and began to dig into his own food, apparently caring not one bit about the shared utensil. 

This was just another thing that Ritsu was able to shrug off with ease. He would get bored of this eventually and move on, as that part of Haitani had definitely not changed at all. He continued to eat his dinner, as peacefully as he was able with the atmosphere surrounding those two.

No words were exchanged, but the air was way too heavy for a simple get-together, but Haitani was either oblivious or simply did not care. He was still all smiles, and as bold as ever when he instructed Ritsu, “Please turn your head.” 

To do as he was told was a reflex; a habit developed after countless examinations in which the doctors needed him to turn every which way in order to conduct tests and such. That was the only reason, it was not compliance at all, yet even so Haitani seemed to think that he’d been given permission to kiss Ritsu’s lips in public like that. 

He shoved Haitani away and declared indignantly, “Wh-What’s wrong with you?!” suddenly feeling a lump in his mouth. His tongue swirled around it a few times, determining that it was indeed a piece of Teriyaki. He’d been kissed for the sake of a childish game? 

“Cut it out.” Those were the first words that Takano had uttered towards Haitani all evening. They were curt, but his point was driven quite clearly by the expression on his face. His eyes narrowed as if daring Haitani to proceed. “Are you seriously an adult?” 

Haitani nonchalantly continued to feast, as if the tension hadn’t just amplified. “That’s funny… I was going to ask the same of you! I mean, what kind of adult invites himself on a date and gets mad at someone else for tagging along. You should know that Ritsu and I are long time friends, so in terms of the priority pool…” 

“Haitani, stop.” Ritsu’s frown deepened. “This kind of thing, here… You two should really save it. You’re making a scene.”  
Only a few people were looking in their general direction, but most had the sense to stay out of it. The waitress had even begun to avoid their table, in spite of her previous enthusiasm. 

“You’re right!” he smiled, “Besides, we’ll have plenty of alone time on our date. I’ll even teach you more of those cool English phrases, alright?” 

He sighed. He wasn’t as excited as he had been, somehow, and resumed his meal quietly. Takano was more or less doing the same thing, but everything about his demeanor became unapproachable. 

They sat together in silence for a short, awkward while until Haitani announced, “Pardon my reach for a second, Ritsu.” in which he reached across the table, stretching rather dramatically in order to reach the salt. 

“Huh?” he felt his arm swivel and uttered a sudden curse. His elbow, as it retracted, had bumped the cup bearing Ritsu’s hot tea and as a consequence, the supposed little prince let out a sudden yelp of pain. 

“Ow--! Agh, hot.. Hot!” he cried as he launched himself up from his seat, fast enough that his head spun. 

Takano dropped his utensils and abandoned his dish in order to get up and call out, “Ritsu!” with an expression uncharacteristically plastered with concern. 

The others guests had heard and seen the accident, and were murmuring about themselves with their own sorts of concern, mostly about the suddenly strange atmosphere. But the waitress was quick to come by with a rag and damage control. “Sir, are you alright? Please allow me to clean that up for you.” 

He nodded, though from the way he was hissing in pain with each minute movement, it wasn’t entirely the truth. “I-I’m alright. Thank you.” 

Takano approached his side of the table in order to look him over and sigh with frustration. “Go to the bathroom, I’ll get you some ice.” 

Ritsu was more than happy to comply, for once, if it meant ridding himself of piping hot tea. He disappeared towards the back of the store and the waitress bowed her head, “I’ll get that ice for you.” 

Haitani and Takano were left alone, then, and it was possibly the worst outcome that could have resulted from the initial situation. It was exactly what Ritsu had hoped to prevent. 

His unadulterated rage subsided long enough, if only to allow him to suggest rather tensely, “Let’s take a smoke break, Haitani.” 

They exchanged a mutual look of disdain, for a moment, but Haitani’s expression quickly turned into a sly grin. “Sounds great.” 

-

Outside and just a bit further down the block, not a minute or two away from the restaurant, a narrow alleyway was perpetuated between two buildings. This was where Takano took it upon himself to grab Haitani by the collar and slam him against the wall, “Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing.” 

All traces of his previous ‘quaintness’ was gone; Haitani found this more than amusing, so it seemed. “What, are you going to blame me for a little spill? I’ll apologize to Onodera as soon as he’s out of the bathroom, you know.” 

“That’s not the point,” he tightened his grip around his collar and held him in place, looking him straight in the eyes with keen hatred. “You’ve been messing with him all week. Why? Do you really love someone that you abandoned for ten years, or is this your sick idea of a joke.” 

He was silent throughout his accusations, and it infuriated Takano all the more. 

“Answer me! You and I both know that you’re hiding something. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care. Just stay away from Onodera. Got it?” 

After another long pause, “Huh… That is interesting, coming from someone like you. Are you saying that you doubt my love for him…? Because if that’s the case, I can assure you.” his grin stretched out, so much so that it was almost unnerving. “I would do anything for Ritsu as long as I can see him make every type of expression. I don’t care. Pain, anger, love or pleasure…” 

He was slammed against the wall again at the mention of ‘pleasure’. “If it’s those kinds of intentions, save it. The only way he’s going to do it with you is over my dead body. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but it’s time to cut the shit before someone gets hurt.” 

They were silent again, and this time awfully tense. Takano’s breathing was labored with frustration whereas Haitani was simply uneasy and contemplative. But eventually, the atmosphere fell apart. 

Haitani’s smile returned, Takano released him. He offered confidently, “...I guess I could say the same for you, right? After all. What kind of connection do you have with Ritsu outside of convenience? You talk a pretty big game for someone who’s just as guilty as I am, when it comes to lust. Isn’t that right.” 

The way he phrased it, he left no room for argument and Takano refused to get sucked into his mind games. He would not humor Haitani any further, and so he walked away as calmly as he could manage in order to keep his composure. 

-

He wasn’t sure of whether to be relieved or outraged that the sly bastard had left his portion of the bill on the table. Had this been his intention from the very beginning, then? 

Nonetheless, he calmed himself down long enough to hit up the bathroom with that pack of ice that the waitress had promised him. 

“Ritsu.” 

He was in the middle of wringing his shirt out when Takano called him, and he felt suddenly very subconscious about being exposed in such a way. However the change in his demeanor had tipped him off to the unsettling realization that he’d unwittingly left the two along. 

“...Where did Haitani go?” 

His expression was unreadable but he eventually managed, “He had to leave. How is your body doing?” 

“...It burns.” he concluded, “A-And I don’t have another shirt to wear! Crap…” 

“Just take mine.” 

“What?! No way in hell.” he focused on retrieving more paper towels from the dispenser, anything in order to not meet his eyes. “Besides, you can’t just walk around without a shirt..!” 

“It’ll be fine if I zip my jacket up.” he offered no room for protest after this, as he was already removing his jacket and sliding his shirt off. 

For some reason, Ritsu felt it best if he looked away. Desperately, he complied but only under this condition. “Alright! I’ll take it but… cover yourself up, first!” 

Takano did, and it was a bit unfair, how his muscles stuck out even when covered. But now was not the time to envy anybody, and before Ritsu could adequately complain, he felt the fabric of a dry shirt being slipped over his head. 

“I’m not a child!” he insisted, “I can dress myself.” 

But Takano didn’t seem interested in listening this time, as he helped his arms through the sleeves. It was evident that the shirt was at least two sizes too big, even with a jacket over it. Something about it gave him a strange sense of pride, the feeling subsided quickly. 

“I already paid the bill. Let’s get going.” 

Ritsu followed timidly behind him as they left the restaurant, trying not to feel the weight of so many eyes on him. They must have seen the spill. 

Still, watching Takano behave so solemnly was even more uncomfortable than wearing a shirt that didn’t fit. “Takano… I, uh…” 

“What is it?” he did not sound hostile, but rather, troubled. 

“...Nothing. Thank you for...lending me your shirt.” he breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

Despite that, Ritsu was very much worrying. Not about the shirt alone, but what could have possibly transpired between his friends back there. And why Haitani’s attitude has been so strange recently. 

And why he hadn’t bothered to stay behind and apologize, for that matter. He was certainly used to his jokes getting out of hand, but what made their friendship function was his tendency to take responsibility for his messes. This was not normal behavior. 

Though, it was at that thought that he had to remind himself, Haitani’s had ten years to change. 

In his distraction, he’d stepped out onto a street that he hadn’t presumed was busy until there were headlights speeding towards him. His legs began to quake with an overwhelming sensation of fear that never ever seemed to go away. Even if he knew he would not die, would not spend another several weeks in the hospital on account of any injuries that would (or would not) result from this. 

“What are you doing, dumbass?!” he felt his shoulder yanked, and hard. It hurt but it was effective in pulling him out of the road before a speeding car could veer over him, and just in the nick of time. 

Takano seemed to be back in his spirits, slightly. “Geez… Walk in front of me, idiot!” he gave him a light shove, “Just because you ‘can’t’ die doesn’t mean you can afford to be that reckless!” 

People were watching them and Ritsu was dumbfounded quite a bit after that, walking mechanically towards the subway station, almost entirely dependent on muscle memory as his mind wandered. 

This was the first time that someone had ‘saved him’. He didn’t even know that could happen. 

It was such a futile act of kindness, as he knew that he would not have died one way or another and yet. “...Thank you, Takano.” This was something that he meant with the most sincerity. 

To be ‘saved’ was not something that he had ever anticipated. 

\- 

The apartment was untouched and just as clean as it had been beforehand. If anything pleasant had come out of their ‘cohabitation’, it was the neatness in which he could now attribute to his home. It was a great relief every time he walked through the door. 

He headed to the bedroom after kicking his shoes off, far too exhausted to attempt a shower. “Goodnight, Takano.” he yawned, but Takano would not have it. 

His arm was grabbed again, although gently and he was reprimanded “Don’t just go to sleep in your clothes. At least take your jacket off.” 

He complained the whole way through the house, haphazardly pulling his jacket off and tossing it anywhere else. He ignored the groan he received in response and flattened himself on his bed as soon as he could reach it. 

Takano followed him, watching him with a sigh of helplessness. “You’re the worst kind of adult. You know that?” 

He sat on the bed at first and merely watched him, wondering if he was truly asleep. His breathing was gentle, but somewhat winded and he was reminded of his weak constitution. 

In his sleep, Ritsu seemed to stir for awhile until it was evident that he was experiencing some discomfort. Out of curiosity, he observed until it seemed that Ritsu was laying on his back and lifting his hips up-- his hopes were getting ahead of him. Then he tiredly fumbled with his belt and slid his pants down, and it was a very humble relief that he was wearing boxers. 

It was hard enough as it was to maintain his self control, watching him lay there defenselessly wearing his shirt, and nothing but a pair of boxers to hinder them. He reached out for a moment, unsure of what he was aiming to touch until those obnoxious words rang in his ears. 

“You’re just as guilty as I am…” was what Haitani had said.  
Yes, he had those intentions. He, too, wanted to see Ritsu’s face twisted up in all kinds of expressions, no matter what they were. He wanted to soak in all of him; the faces, the tears, the noises he would make, the nails in his back as he clung to… 

On that note, he found himself hovering over Ritsu warily. Was he strong enough for this? 

Absolutely not, but he was undeterred from placing a tentative kiss on his lips that Ritsu did not shy away from. He’d lay in bed and hold him tight soon enough, he relented, but for now… he thought it best to excuse himself to the restroom. And perhaps take a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The waitress had a bigger supporting role than Nao


	8. Chapter 8

The week progressed without further incident, as Haitani expressed no apparent interest in meeting until their ‘date’ that Friday. And Ritsu was reminded once again, Thursday night as he silently ate dinner with Takano. 

Looking at him now, he supposed that he should have been more persistent about getting to the bottom of certain things. As of now it felt as though they were doing nothing but fooling around, and he had almost forgotten why Takano’s presence was necessary at all until a particularly aggressive cat severed his jugular on his way home from work. On top of that, it seemed that the methodology of these ‘random killings’ was becoming more ludicrous… 

Although it was a bit late to entertain those kinds of sentiments, after all that had happened.

“Your phone,” Takano noted as he finished his ramen; a dish that did not come out of a microwavable package, contrary to what Ritsu had expected. 

“Huh?” he picked it up and frowned. “Ah, it’s nothing! Just work.” 

“Bullshit.” he stated boldly, “It’s Haitani, isn’t it.” 

Unable to recover from the shock of being caught red handed, he fumbled with it carelessly. “O-Of course not! It’s…”

With a sigh, Takano gathered their plates and brought them to the sink with strict instructions. “Whatever, just let him know that you aren’t going on your ‘date’ and get it over with.” 

Ritsu merely rolled his eyes. This attitude was not unexpected, seeing as their last encounter had gone so horribly, but he attempted to mend even a little bit of peace between them. “I know he seems rough around the edges… And it’s true that he’s been acting strangely recently. But he was a dear friend to me! Besides, he apologized for spilling the tea on me. Accidents happen.” 

“‘Accidents happen’ my ass.” was his only remark, though it didn’t deter him from leaning against the counter with a demeanor that radiated disapproval. 

The message was another reminder. It read simply, “Don’t forget about our date, tomorrow night. Meet me at this place around six. See ya then!” with an address attached below. 

He wished they would stop referring to it as a date. 

He felt arms wrapped around him, suddenly, and wondered how Takano could have moved so quickly without being noticed. But perhaps that should have been the least of his worries, because his hand was slipping past his shirt and Ritsu began to squirm. “Cut--it out!” 

“Why? If you want that kind of date, just stay here.” his hand seemed to be exploring the skin almost aimlessly, as if wary to continue but too stubborn to stop. 

“It is not that kind of date!” he argued as he eventually broke free of his inappropriate hold. “Haitani may be the type to joke around, but even he…” he swallowed nervously, “Wouldn’t go that far for a joke. 

Why did you have to hesitate? He asked himself, feeling utterly betrayed by the doubt swelling up in his spirits that he dared to project onto someone who was such a good friend to him. 

“Try that again when you can say it confidently.” remarked Takano. His hands were folded across his chest again, and the way he could present himself with such profound maturity, even while he behaved childishly, was so very unfair. 

“Just… stay home and go play ‘host’ or something!” 

“Sure,” he took Ritsu’s hand “if you’ll be my customer. My, what tight muscles you have. You must work so hard, young-master. Come with me and I’ll…” 

“Stop that!” he swatted his hand off, horrified beyond what he thought possible. 

“We’re not done talking about this.” Takano persisted, following him around the house in spite of his intentions to create some distance. 

“Yes we are! You’re not my mother, Takano. So just go awa--” he was shoved against the wall. Rather than scared, he was simply inconvenienced. “Would you mind terribly… getting off of me, sir?” 

“I’ll move when you reject his date.” 

That’s it, he reasoned. He was really going to have to destroy Takano in order to leave his own house from now on. And could he do it? Could he stomach beating the ever loving hell out of this man who had unwittingly barged himself into his life? 

Absolutely. 

-

So why, then… Why do you have to be such a stupid pushover?! 

In his head, he was screaming at himself as he sat beside Takano on a park bench, at the address that Haitani had designated for their so-called ‘date’ (which was definitely not a date!). 

Perhaps it was presumptuous to think that he could take Takano on, anyway. Yeah, that’s what he would just have to explain to Haitani if he asked about the intrusion. 

“Seriously… What am I supposed to do?” he sighed, “Please be on your best behavior tonight! Despite what you may think, he was a very good friend to me. So… try not to… be yourself.” 

“I’m flattered.” 

Ritsu sat there in defeated silence, until footsteps approached them. When he looked up, he was greeted by Haitani, who was waving and apparently happy to see him in spite of the uninvited guest. 

“Good to see you!” was his first remark, followed by, “And I see you brought your third wheel. Well, it would just be rude to leave him all alone I guess? Anyway, as for what we should do first…” 

“Hey, Haitani.” Takano began “Did you know that being a prick has its-” as much as he would have liked to finish that thought, it was elbowed out of him. 

Ritsu stood up and bowed his head, “I’m sorry, Haitani. But we can still have fun, right?” 

Haitani ruffled his hair briefly, then proceeded with a nod. “That’s right, we can! It’ll be like it’s just the two of us, so don’t worry. Anyway the first thing I had planned tonight was dinner, and then a movie if that’s fine.” 

“Dinner and a movie…” he repeated it back to himself, and the familiarity sunk in. “Ah, just like we did back then!” 

He was so innocently happy… who could possibly hold it against him? Except for Takano who was quietly seated with an unreadable expression, but seething no doubt. 

-

The place that Haitani had allotted for dinner was surprisingly lavish, so much so that Takano would have been absolutely screwed if he hadn’t recently become so buddy-buddy with the host next door. And working just one more shift at that club was enough to accommodate proper groceries and a night out at a place like this? The drunkard next door was truly neglecting a good thing. 

Because of it was their ‘date’, Haitani had insisted on sitting across from Ritsu. But Takano expressed no resistance when the only seat he could accept thereafter was on Ritsu’s right side. 

“Anyway, to answer your question.” said Haitani after a personal tangent, “I’ve been working for Earth for a while now. Crazy that we jumped into the same business, right? Although you’re working in literature.” 

“That’s right…” Onodera looked genuinely interested. “So, what’s it like? Working with manga…” 

“It’s super tedious.” he shrugged and sipped his late-night wine, “Well, that’s how most jobs go, though. And it’s pretty rewarding to watch the sales go up on the manga you edit. You should come give it a try, sometime!” 

Takano, who would have very much liked to interject with a “Hell no”, remained eerily quiet. 

“No… I don’t think I’m cut out for literature, sorry.” Ritsu smiled earnestly, “Besides, working with books is something that I’ve always enjoyed since I was young… I even got to work with my favorite author for a little while.” 

“Oh right,” his attention was on his dish at that point, “That Akikabaya person.” 

“It’s Akikawa…” he corrected with a sigh. Some things truly never changed, and one of those things was Haitani’s attention span which seemed to somehow get flightier by the minute. 

Takano’s fork dropped and he was looking at him incredulously, muttering for the first time that night, “Akikawa… Yayoi? The writer, you worked with him?” 

Onodera’s attention shifted suddenly and he turned his body a bit more to face him with a big, proud smile. “That’s right! I still can’t believe it… Although he was one of my most challenging authors.” 

His shoulders shook at the memory. Constantly having to check up on him, put up with his spontaneous whims and outbursts. His mood that turned sour at every approaching deadline because no matter how many times he reminded him, he would always manage to procrastinate beyond what should have been humanly reasonable-- 

“What was he like?”

“He was horrible, actually, but a real genius. It was truly the worst and yet the best time of my life, although…” he sighed again, quite remorsefully. “My father forced me to switch to someone else, eventually. He was getting a bad reputation on account of the people accusing him of nepotism. Though, it was nice to work on a few books with Akikawa while I had the chance.” 

“How shitty.” Takano commented, taking a somewhat resentful sip of water. 

“Hey,” it was Haitani’s turn to interject bitterly, seeing as those two were getting uncomfortably close. “Onodera, it’s good to see you’re still holding that old obsession high. It must get tiring.” 

Somehow, the tone he used hurt just a bit. In the way it had stung back then, when he’d lose track of himself fantasizing over what it would be like to meet such a talented author and was promptly shut down every single time. But this was just another quirk of Haitani’s that took some getting used to. 

“Ah, you’re right…” he shrugged it off and continued to eat his meal. 

“Anyway,” Haitani continued “It’s good that you’ve found something you like! By the way, try this. The yakisoba here is amazing.” 

As he said that, he wrapped some noodles around his chopsticks and brought it up to Onodera’s lips, who was sure to reject it until he teased, “Say ‘Ah’, I’ve been wanting to try this with you since forever!” 

With a request like that, Onodera was unable to protest. As he opened his mouth, the chopsticks, with the food that was surprisingly tasty, slipped a bit too far past his jaw and he choked. “Agh--! H-Haitani, please be more careful…” he mumbled after swallowing his mouthful. 

“It’s so cute when you’re tearing up like that,” he laughed “It must have been too big for you.” 

“Huh…?” he wondered what the size had to do with nearly having a chopstick lodged down his throat, but his gaze was spun towards Takano. 

He stated in a low voice, “Onodera.” as if he’d just been caught red-handed somehow. He leaned closer before Ritsu could really process the danger of the situation and had the corner of his lips licked slowly. 

“T-Takano!” he held his cheek and sunk further into his chair, “Please don’t do that sort of thing in public! Someone could seriously get the wrong idea…” 

“So it’s okay if we’re at home?” he wiped the opposite side of his cheek and licked his thumb, justifying his actions with “You had some rice.” 

Something snapped; i.e. Haitani’s chopsticks as his fists were clenched a bit too tightly around them. His expression faltered, as if the sound had woken him and he laughed it off heartily, calling out to the nearest waiter for the bill. 

-

In truth, the movie that Haitani suggested was a bit on the nose. It was a semi-recent release that featured the apparently moving story of the main character struggling through a debilitating illness. And because it was a movie that fell into the genre of ‘romance’ and drama, it was all but mandatory that the lead role had to not only overcome her physical limitations, but her budding feelings for her nurse, as well. 

Takano was snoozing halfway through the previews, honestly, but was woken when Ritsu chided him for rude behavior with yet another elbow to the ribs. Though begrudgingly, he sat there, awake at Ritsu’s right side while Onodera was wedged between his company. 

Onodera found it difficult to sympathize with the woman’s romantic declarations every now and then as she relentlessly pursued the nurse, but the directors depictions of rehabilitation were accurate enough to give him chills. 

He might have become even more engrossed in the movie if he hadn’t spent several minutes fending off Takano’s advances for the armrest. 

“Cut.. it… out!” he chided after his elbow was knocked away from the seat for the umpteenth time. “Quit being so selfish!” 

“I was here first.” he asserted, then settled his arm on the rest with the immovable endurance of stone, and any further attempts to dislodge him were met with frustration on Onodera’s part. 

“You asshole.” he managed through grit teeth. 

Suddenly, his shoulder was pulled in the opposite direction until he was practically pressed against Haitani’s chest, who had been behaving rather well. “It’s okay.” he assured hushedly “You can lay here.” 

Rather embarrassed, he tried to fend him off at first but found himself pressed tightly against him all the more. “H-Haitani, someone will see…!” 

He closed the distance between them in order to whisper in his ear, “This is the sex scene, so no one’s paying attention to us at all. You should be quiet, or someone might get disturbed.”

Ritsu’s silence was perceived a permission to fortify their bond, so he found his fingers and interlocked their hands. 

He continued, “I’ve been wanting to see this movie with someone that I care about for a long time. Thanks for coming.” 

As he kissed Ritsu’s forehead, a loud ‘thump’ alerted them to the seat in front of them, which was being kicked mercilessly. Although nobody sat there, the uncomfortably distracting noise was met with the attention of a theater attendant, who determined Takano to be the unwitting offender and urged him to leave the theater. 

He didn’t seem bothered by the accusation one way or another, and followed the man out without complaint. However, he turned back to look at Ritsu with an unreadable expression, then looked past him. 

Ritsu, who was busy shaking Haitani’s hand off, would not have noticed the smug grin on his face in the dark of that room.  
-

When the movie let out, Takano was chastised almost immediately for creating such a childish disturbance. But Takano’s bad attitude would not ease up, and lecturing him had the same futile results as if he were reprimanding a teenager. Something far worse, far more unreasonable than a brick wall. 

“You can’t just act like that because you’re bored! What if you’d gotten us all kicked out?!” 

“I would have loved that, actually.” 

“You’re so…!” 

As he threw his hands up in frustration, Haitani swung around in order to lift his spirits. “I’ve got a surprise for you, so let’s get going, shall we? Thanks for accompanying us, Mr. Capable Neighbor,” he flashed Takano a smirk, “It’s a shame we have to part--”

“I’m going, too.” the way he presented himself at that moment disabled further negotiation. Ritsu knew this, too, and did not attempt to argue… because doing so with such an unreasonable person, truly was futile. 

“If you say so. Anyway, Ritsu…” he stood in front of his ‘date’ with a smile, “It’s about time you close your eyes, okay?” 

With a hesitant nod, he did as he was told until a soft cloth was wound around his eyes. He was a bit concerned, and searched for Haitani frantically, only to find him a mere few feet away. Within arms-length, of course. 

He was reassured with a hand on his shoulder by Haitani’s confident voice, “It’ll be fine as long as you stay close to me.” 

The hands on the opposite side of his body felt different, somehow. More firm. Then Takano was hooking their arms around one another with the justification that “It’s too dangerous to do this sort of thing without help.”  
His reluctant compliance led to Ritsu being led around for the next thirty minutes or so, somewhere he could only imagine was well off the beaten path, as the sound of cars and people began to drift away steadily. 

Though frequently inclined to ask where they were going, his inquiries were only met with “You’ll see when we get there” and so on. Takano was as silent as ever, but he had to admit that having him hooked so firmly on his body as he was brought around town so aimlessly… was a bit comforting. 

They stopped at some point, in which the most prevalent sound in the area was only rushing water and the sound of crickets. A waterfall, he presumed, until the blindfold was removed in one swift tug. 

Right before his eyes was a quaint little onsen, and among it only a few occupants traversed the area. Perhaps because it was so late. 

“A hot spring?” he wondered aloud, then looked at Haitani curiously. 

“That’s right! Surprise! Isn’t it great? I figured, you’ve been working so hard and all, what better way to relieve your stress than to melt it off with your best friend?” 

“That’s fine and all, but…” he approached the building hesitantly with the company on either side of him still unwilling to relinquish their hold. 

His hesitation was overlooked entirely; Haitani grabbed his hand and led him into the building promptly, where he confirmed his reservation with the staff. It was a valiant attempt to shake Takano off, admittedly, but the woman took a liking to his charming demeanor and let him slip inside with his friends without much of a fuss. 

“You know, it really pisses me off when you get away with stuff like that.” Ritsu muttered. 

Takano’s response was predictably, “Stupid. It’s the power of a host.” 

“I’ll drown you-” 

\- 

What followed was an unanticipated awkward pause between Haitani and Takano, as they were the first to enter the hot spring. Takano was much better at keeping to himself in every regard, but Haitani was undeterred from pursuing conversation. 

“So, where’d the little prince run off to?” he absently spattered the water around with his fingertips, “Hope he didn’t leave us to finish this date off on our own!” 

The sound that Takano made was curt and something along the lines of “Tch.” in which he clearly wanted to emphasize the fact that he’d rather be anywhere else than there. Nonetheless, he replied “If only he were smart enough to do that, but he insisted that he wanted to shower on his own.” 

“A shame, really…” he sighed. “And I was so looking forward to helping him scrub his back.” 

“Knock it off.” Takano spat, “You’re full of shit. Just what did you hope to accomplish today, anyway. A second date? His ‘hand in marriage’? Or is this just your idea of entertainment.” 

“How touchy.” he laughed, “No, unfortunately I’m not as straightforward as you are. So that second date will just have to wait… Great job interfering with us, by the way. I truly underestimated the prowess of his guard dog!” 

“Shut up.” That was the only retort he seemed willing to offer.

“Anyway, let’s put our differences aside for a moment! I’ve come up with a surprise that even someone like you can’t possibly reject, Takano…” 

At that notion, he had to at least cock an eyebrow and wonder. Then Haitani uncovered a blanketed pack of liquor and held it close, asserting proudly, “We’re going to get him hammered!” 

With a loud sigh, he pressed his hand to his forehead and wondered how he could have possibly predicted that being a reaper would lead to something like this; spending his precious weekend roped into a shitty date with a mortal that had no restraint anywhere in his idiotic body. “Wow… You’re an even bigger idiot than I thought. I should kick your ass right here.” 

“Just what our little Onodera would want to see,” the sigh he released was dramatically wistful. “Two naked men throwing down in an onsen.” 

Picturing it made him sick, so he refrained. “We’re not getting him drunk so he can pass out and drown. And if you think you’re going to be the one to resuscitate him-”

“Yeah yeah,” he waved it off, “No drowning. Whatever, fine. That wasn’t my intention anyway. If you must know, I just thought it’d be nice to get a taste of an honest Ritsu, for once.” 

“What does honesty have to do with getting him hammered.”

He wasn’t buying it, but Haitani had expected us much. But it was only a minor setback, even if he did have to mend his intentions. “I thought that you, of all people, would want to see a Ritsu who’s perfectly honest… with his words and his body? Though if you want this opportunity to go to waste…” 

He was cut off by the sound of the door sliding open, and Ritsu walked in with a bathrobe on. He was hesitant, at first, but dropped it in order to slide into the water and shudder at the onslaught of heat. “Ha…” he sunk down to his shoulders. “This was a really good idea, Haitani. It really does take a load off…”

“See? I knew you’d like it.” he pulled the liquor closer to himself as he side eyed Takano. When he wasn’t met with resistance, he sidled in closer to Ritsu. “Hey, let’s make this a little more fun, shall we? You don’t have work tomorrow, so let’s drink!” 

Ritsu finally noticed the pack of beer and had to wonder if that sort of thing was even allowed here. “I don’t know… I’m not very good at handling alcohol--” 

“So?” he cracked open the first bottle and passed it along, “It’s not as though you have to get up for work in the morning, so let’s top off tonight that right way!” 

“I…” his hesitation began to melt away, perhaps at the coercion of such a relaxing spot to wade around in. “...I guess a few drinks couldn’t hurt?” Though he looked at Takano for a second opinion, he seemed to be relaxing just fine.

“That’s the spirit.” 

-

A ‘few drinks’ later, Ritsu was struggling to stay afloat due to his disoriented state of mind and so Haitani supported him with an arm wrapped around the upper half of his torso. Takano, too, had slid beside him and was keeping a close watch on his behavior. So long as he could stay afloat, he didn’t have to worry too much, but… 

“Ritsu, tell me again. What am I to you?” 

“Hah… Best...friend?” he looked up at Haitani for approval, found it when his hair was ruffled and looked appeased. 

It was questions like these that were getting on his nerves. Of course Haitani would pester him with questions about their youth and the like; because Takano had no such experiences with Onodera that he could retort with, and Haitani somehow knew that. Of course he knew that. 

He’d dug his own watery grave, here, but wasn’t about to give up. 

“How did you feel when I was gone?” Haitani asked.  
“Like… I missed you?” there it was again, his innocent search for approval. And Haitani was more than willing to take advantage of the situation and ‘reward’ him for his correct answers. 

At this point, Takano took it upon himself to attack, as he situated his arm around Ritsu and pulled him so close that he was practically on his lap. He began to nibble his ear as he asked, “Ritsu… Can you tell me who I am?” 

He wanted no misconceptions, and of course there wouldn’t be. Ritsu was drunk, not blind, but he complied anyway while he fidgeted in his unsteady seat against his knee, “Hah, T-Takano…! St...ah. Stop..” 

Although he said that, his attempts at pushing him away were rather nonexistent. If anything, he only clung to his chest all the more in an attempt to keep himself grounded. And it only took Haitani a minute to catch onto the game he was playing. 

“How petty…” he muttered, but closed the distance between himself and Ritsu until he was supporting one side of him. His hand slid across Ritsu’s chest while he gauged his reactions with a sly smile, “Ritsu, don’t just have fun without me.” That hand worked its way up to his chest and absently toyed with his nipple, and the result was one of the most blissful sounds he’d ever heard. 

A soft moan hung in the air as Ritsu shifted in the water, only coherent enough to attempt to move those daring hands away from his body. But the more he squirmed, the more he was firmly situated onto Takano’s lap, who would not accept this idly. He placed his hand on Ritsu’s cheek and turned it, so they somewhat faced one another. 

Leaning forward, he licked Ritsu’s lips and eyed him carefully, urging even the slightest semblance of permission. Which he somewhat received, although it was the result of another moan. Nonetheless, he kissed him gently, at first. Before he pressed their lips together more firmly, spurned by his unwillingness to let him go, nor allow Haitani the privilege of listening to any more of those wonderful noises. 

He seemed awfully content with watching from the sidelines, for a moment. But Takano’s attention was not on Haitani whatsoever, nor was Ritsu’s, as he moaned into their deep kiss. When they parted, his lips were swollen and Haitani could only commend them. “You sure are a man of your morals! Waiting until he’s this gone to attack.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” he pointedly turned Ritsu away from him and ran his tongue along the side of his neck, finding a nice and visible spot in order to suck and bite and so on. Until the spot was nice and red with irritation. 

Although, it hardly looked any different from the rest of his body at the moment. 

The pleasurable onslaught continued long enough for Haitani to settle in front of him. He grabbed his knees and spread them apart, so that Ritsu looked helpless and beautiful in such an inviting position, and pushed. No, he would sadly be unable to enter him here, in public and in front of such a man as Takano as well, but it was certainly tempting. For now he settled on rubbing himself against Ritsu, who was unsurprisingly growing hard at the constant stimulation from either side of him. 

Unfortunately, this sort of heaven could only last for a little bit longer; after a moment or two, Ritsu’s head dipped and he fell forward, and would have possibly drowned if it weren’t for his companions who didn’t hesitate to grab him. 

At this unsightly turn of events, Takano groaned. “You fucking idiot. You knew that he would pass out.” 

Haitani’s smile confirmed nothing, and it denied nothing. “You weren’t complaining when he was sitting on your lap, though? Good luck looking him in the eyes after this, by the way.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” he stood up and lifted Ritsu out of the tub, noticing briefly that his stiffness had all but disappeared in the short time it took to get utterly disgusted by Haitani’s presence. 

He was far too ashamed of himself to experience any further arousal. He’d known from the very beginning what Haitani’s intentions were; not only had he done nothing to stop them, but here he was benefiting from such underhanded methods. 

This was not what he had wanted. Of all things that could have transpired that night, the worst possible outcome was confirmation that he and Haitani were birds of a feather, in that regard. 

With one look at Ritsu’s feverish face, he knew it. And the only possible repentance he could offer was dressing him properly, in order to carry him home. 

-

The last of his money was spent on a taxi, because carrying Ritsu through a subway, clothed haphazardly in a bathrobe, was not an idea that he was comfortable with entertaining. And the clothes he had brought with him, though dry, would only aggravate his body heat which had steadily risen since their ‘bath’. 

Hauling him up to his floor once they’d reached the complex gave him plenty of time to reflect on his actions, and he could only imagine what Yokozawa would say to him if he knew. 

“Congratulations on screwing up again, idiot. It’s that shitty impulse of yours that keeps landing you in deep shit!” 

He was right, too. Even now he struggled against the impulse to disrobe him and finish because oh god it was so tempting. But that shitty grin kept flashing in his mind; the satisfaction of a man who was so sly that he had to get his friend drunk in order to put the moves on him, further encouraged by the notion that they were the same. 

They were not the same. They were anything but the same so long as he could help it. And had Ritsu gone home with anyone else tonight, perhaps he wouldn’t be receiving something as simple as a gentle kiss on the cheek, as he was laid in bed with a cold cloth on his forehead. 

Takano sat on the edge getting lost in his thoughts rather quickly. Lately it seemed that he’d been spending one too many nights on the couch after a cold shower. But that sort of thing couldn’t be helped, he supposed. 

A hand gripped his arm suddenly, and he turned around to watch Ritsu groggily struggling for something to hold onto. So he was that kind of drunk, then. 

“...Just go to sleep.” he urged as he ran his fingers through his hair. His breathing seemed to even out now, on the bright side. 

“...With me, please...Ha..” his eyes opened somewhat, and it was evident that he was still in a daze. 

Remorsefully, the hand that had been smoothing his fingers through his hair came to a stop and Takano looked down at him with a deep frown. He was honest as of now, and some part of him felt like an utter monster for taking advantage of it. 

“...Are you holding onto me because you think I’m Haitani?” 

Ritsu shifted around the sheets a few times, and his robe opened up as a result of the clumsy movement, but Takano would not be enticed again. He looked up, until he made half-lidded eye contact with the man at his bed and offered drearily, “...No… Isn’t this good…” he said in spite of a yawn “...to feel Haitani…” 

Whatever else he’d intended to say after that was lost to them both, because he fell asleep thereafter. And if there was any sort of mercy left for him at all, Takano sincerely hoped that he wouldn’t be able to remember the majority of his night. 

Even so, if one good thing had come out of such a ruinous night, it was knowing that Ritsu preferred him to Haitani, just a little bit. Even if they did reside on two sides of the same coin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the unexpected delay, folks. By writing so much, I managed to hurt my hand a lot, to the point where my knuckles turned black and blue and I had to take a break. I thought about this story every day though, so I'm glad to be back! 
> 
> I wonder if this chapter counts as fan service? Anyway, I'll try to resume updating daily! I'll just have to take better care of my hand from now on.


	9. Chapter 9

In his apartment, raw with the stench of dust, Haitani paced from one end of the wall to another and back. This monotonous repetition occurred several times over as he thought to himself and thought, and thought and scratched the back of his head until the scalp was numb.

“Why are things going so wrong? Takano, that piece of shit. Just leave us alone. You know nothing so get lost already! Damnit!” When he stopped, his foot stamped the ground incessantly and he caught himself biting his thumb. “Just who the hell does he think he is, huh?”

Anguished, he turned towards his window accusingly. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now. I’ve done everything, everything you asked because you said it would work out eventually. Well, it’s been ten years and guess what?”

At this realization, he turned around and seized a vase precariously placed on the end table of his soda and smashed it. “I’m still at square one, and he’s still head over heels for that douche bag!”

With adrenaline flowing through his veins, he stood there over the shattered wreck and huffed, and puffed until it was necessary to take a seat. His back was turned, but the figure in the window was reflected in several scattered pieces of porcelain, illuminated dimly by the moon.

That voice was in his ears, again, so vivid that he might as well have been breathing down his neck. “Is it my fault that you like to do things the hard way? I’ve told you since then, it would all be over if you’d just take my explicit advice, but you always seem to find something to complain about.”

His head dipped in his hands as he inspected the vase, scrutinizing the mirrored image of the shadow in his window. “No… I can’t. He really hated it the first time… He’ll hate me-”

“He’ll be yours.” the man corrected, “Things would be different if you were his only pursuer but that thing is on his tail everyday, isn’t it? As things are now, it’ll only be a matter of time before he’s taken from you indefinitely. Believe me. Love can be relentless, that way…”

“That won’t happen!” his nerves flared up and he assaulted the shards with his bare hands, resulting in a rather inevitable encounter with multiple cuts and blood dripping onto his carpet.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Cold, pale hands were wrapped around Haitani’s wounded fingertips. They were clutched tightly an intertwined as the soothing voice continued, “You have two choices. Make him yours, or let him go, Arata. You wanted to see all of his expressions, didn’t you? Or were you just being half-assed when you said that. Whether it’s pain, pleasure, love or resentment; are you really in the position to be picky?”

The decision weighed on him, as heavily and fleeting as the arms that had momentarily wrapped around his shoulders. It was a hug, he supposed, but as he turned around, that man had already moved to the window, where he leaned against the glass with his arms folded.

“You… are a horrible angel, y’know.” he rose to his feet.

To think that an angel, the most blessed, beautiful creature on earth would pester him in such a way that would cause such distress within him. With a voice so soothing that even the most twisted of crimes enticed him.

That man’s pale face looked utterly complacent. A sudden breeze passed, upsetting the curtains although the window was merely cracked. For a moment, those beautiful, enthralling black wings overshadowed the bright city lights and the moon that hung above it.

 

-

 

Ritsu’s eyes were covered, as Takano led him carefully down the street, nudging him on occasion when he needed to move aside, lift his feet or lower them.

He wanted to ask questions, but every time he tried, they were brushed off and Takano would give him a light shove to scare him just a bit, and it worked. So he was silent up until he was nearly tripped by an unexpected incline, which he presumed to be stairs.

“Watch your step and open your eyes.”

Ritsu did, and while he certainly hadn’t been expecting something extravagant…

He was a bit ruffled by the big revelation that seemed to boil down to the public library. A place he’d been to numerous times throughout the years, more especially during his… “reclusive” outbursts.

“You… blindfolded me for the library?” he wondered if this hadn’t just been a stab at Haitani after all.

He couldn’t put his finger on it, but Takano had been especially tense proceeding the day of their ‘date’, most of which he could remember. Up until they fed him alcohol.

“Sure.” he grabbed his wrist and led him up the steps, through the large double doors and into the not-too-dreary interior. “Just stay behind me.”

Ritsu complied, not that he had much of a choice given the tight nature of the man’s grip.

“We’re going upstairs, so be careful.”

Ritsu lagged a bit, despite being kept at arm’s length as Takano ascended. The unintentional delay was a result of a sudden impulse that plagued him; he’d just wanted to scope out Takano’s back, look at his broad shoulders and follow the skin of his nape, sandwiched between his shirt and hair. It was so distracting, to think about what it would be like to touch. He knew his hair was soft, and that his skin was warm; so any lingering curiosity was just excessive, wasn’t it?

“Onodera, hurry up.” he turned back to scold him, then faltered.

Ritsu lost his footing and the ceiling expanded far beyond what was reasonable, so that he could only assume he was falling. His head would crack and he’d die, spatter blood all over the stairs and then walk again.

Yet, the impact was cushioned by Takano’s hands; one cupping his lower back while the other supported his head. They were coupled together at quite the odd angle, but if a near-death experience was necessary, to be held like this in the middle of the day, then it wasn’t so bad.

He hated himself for entertaining such ideas.

“I’m sorry! It was an accident!” he apologized frantically as he pushed Takano upwards by his shoulder.

Takano looked pained, for a moment, and Ritsu panicked.

“A-Are you hurt?!”

He struggled to his feet with a hand on his own back as if it ached. “No… I’m just getting used to this body again.” Within the following moment, he was well enough to help Ritsu to his feet and pull him close, urging him several steps ahead. “You walk in front of me, idiot.”

He did, and the situation felt nostalgic somehow. But unsettling in spite of that.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that holding onto someone like Takano was more difficult than anything he could conceivably grasp. So why was his heart clinging to the idea of being protected so selfishly, then.

They stopped on the upper floor, past several aisles of shelves until books had them cornered on every side like a labyrinth. Nothing seemed particularly special about the aisle in which they currently resided, however, because a majority of the content seemed to be related to pet care.

“What are we doing here…?” he looked around curiously, going through the books if only to examine their binding.

At that point, Takano stilled him with a hand on his shoulder and leaned in close to his ear with a tentative whisper, “Close your eyes.”

As Ritsu obeyed, he couldn’t help but fantasize about a similar sensation. Of teeth on his ear, tongue on his neck and lips pressed up against his until they were swollen; and in spite of the vividness in which these ideas presented themselves, right down to the tingling in his skin and the pull in his gut, he couldn’t quite put a finger on what had spurned such an overactive imagination.

“Open them now.” Takano said, and the distance entailed that he was in front of him, this time.

Ritsu did, but his eyes needed a moment in order to adjust to the light.

When they refocused, however, whatever he had been expecting was a far cry from the ephemeral reality ahead of him. From wall to wall, the library had received an upgrade down to the very cracks in its corners. A marble floor, granite columns, and light fixtures that resembled chandeliers. Altogether, the room had a certain elegance unlike anything else and it was stunning. Moreover, there more books than he had ever seen in his entire life, neatly stacked on every shelf and then some.

“This…” the thrumming of his heart would not be quelled “This is… insane. What is this? Takano, where are we? Do you see--”

“Calm down, and lower your voice.” the look he was giving the room was rather nonchalant. “We’re in the library of Alexandria… Sorta.”

“...Alexa-- Huh? No way. Y-You are referring to the library that burnt down centuries ago…?” His body language grew stiff, unable to determine whether the realm in which he resided was fictional or something greater. Either way, everything about his presence here felt utterly wrong.

“Don’t look so stiff…” Takano noted his body language with a slight smile, then looked away. “The library that burnt down all those years ago… it was one of the first gifts bestowed to the humans by the angels, I guess it was a blessing.”

Ritsu listened carefully, even as he hovered around every shelf tentatively. As if the illusion would fade if he touched a single spine.

“Anyway, when the humans ruined it, the angels decided to keep it to themselves after all. So it was broken off into hundreds of sections and scattered throughout the spirit world; right now it’s just a place that the angels use to record significant historical events. Literature, too.”

He was utterly dumbfounded by the implications, but none more-so unsettling than, “We’re in the spirit world…?”

“Not quite.” he walked across several aisles and did not come to a stop until he reached the end. By then, Ritsu took note that every work gathered here was either Japanese or a Japanese translation of some kind. “Technically, this is limbo. But it’s been reserved for the otherworldly for centuries.”

Nothing about this sounded inviting. Spectacular, yet, but he was growing anxious with every revelation. “Then… why are we here?” he watched Takano’s back nervously, as he shuffled through a shelf in search of something specific. “A-Am I supposed to be here? Are we finally…”

“I wanted to show you this.”

What he held in his hand was familiar, and lovely down to its border. It was a book by Akikawa that had won several awards for its vivid prose. To see it here, was… certainly something.

“You… brought me here to show me an Akikawa novel.” he reasoned.

“Yep.”

“Knowing that ‘humans’, like me, shouldn’t be here.”

“That’s right.”

“...Oh.”

If his wide eyes didn’t express enough, perhaps his gaping mouth would. But he found no words and was somewhere between commending Takano for his excessive efforts or knocking him into the following week.

Takano didn’t seem perturbed in the slightest, as he continued to pull and replace books from the shelf as if being here wasn’t incredible and oh so horribly wrong. “You know,” he eventually stifled the silence “I’ve spent a lot of time here.”

As uncomfortable as he was, he was interested. “You did? Why?”

“It was punishment.” he skimmed the first few pages of a book before putting it back disinterestedly. “For killing you, even though you didn’t deserve it. And then letting you live even though you were supposed to die.”

“Huh?” those words hit him hard, like something far more awful than a mere punch to the gut. “I’m sorry. From what you said, it sounded like…”

“No, you heard me.” he shut the book, set it aside and looked Ritsu dead in the eye so that there was no mistake about the words coming out of his lips. “I’m the one that killed you.”

Years of agitation passed through him all at once, his heart ached. There were a million questions that flooded his mind, but the only thing that would come out was, “...I don’t believe you.”

“Ritsu.” he’d been expecting this, so it seemed. He reached out to gently caress his cheek.

But Ritsu, who was overcome with dread, flinched and slapped his hand away. “No! I don’t believe you…” his chest tightened with every word, every sinking realization. “ You’re the one that put me through this?! How… No, why. No-- You said it was my fault! So how?!”

Takano, who seemed more dejected than hurt, shut his eyes solemnly. “...You wanted answers. I’m giving you everything I know.”

“Then… Then explain yourself! Why were you there, that day; why was I able to see you. Why did you leave. Why did you kiss me. Why did you come back and why--” his mouth was forcefully covered. It took him a moment to truly understand, but Takano was kissing him again and he wasn’t resisting no matter how badly he wanted to move aside and hit him.

“Ritsu.” he whispered again when they parted, staring into his sullen, jade eyes with nothing but affection, despite the sadness in his gaze. “I love you.” He did not await a reply, instead resumed kissing Ritsu, pressing him against the shelf and holding him there more tightly than he’d ever held onto anything in his life.

Ritsu, on the other hand, had never felt such pain associated with hearing his name called like that. He was angry about being killed, sure. But he would have been stupid to assume that Takano had nothing to do with it in the first place.

What truly killed him was the uncontrollable beating in his heart that’d accumulated throughout. The fact that Takano could assimilate into his life so well and still be as fleeting, as unmercifully quick as the truck that hit him that day. And do just as much damage.

“Why…” they parted for air, Ritsu struggled to get his words out before Takano could hold him down again. “Why does it have to be you…”

His head hung low at that point; he would not allow Takano to kiss him again, but as a consequence, he could not see the look on Takano’s face and found himself wondering if he was alright.

Takano’s hands held him up against the wall nonetheless, but no further advances were attempted. “Why…? It’s because you weren’t supposed to be there in the first place, idiot…”

The ‘truth’, as he explained it, was apparently quite simple. And at the same time, it was anything but. “A reaper’s job is to sever a human’s lifeline when they die; otherwise the soul would stay bound to the human world and become prey. I was doing my job, you’re the one that came out of fucking nowhere.”

Although he swore, Ritsu could not detect hostility where it was due.

“That man driving the truck passed out at the wheel and died; I don’t know why. I was just there to do my job, and you were in the way. I severed his lifeline and yours when you pushed me.”

“...So I did die. But I’m...alive…” he sunk against the wall, until the only thing keeping his body upright was Takano’s firm hold.

“That’s right, Ritsu. Officially? You’re as good as dead, but your body…”

“Then it really was my fault?” he wondered aloud. “Because I…I got in the way and-”

“Yes, but no.” he stood up and helped Ritsu to his feet, pulled him against himself in case he wasn’t stable. “To be honest, even I’m not sure why you could see me. To this day, you’ve been the only one. However…” he sighed deeply, in frustration. “I couldn’t let you die.”

“You… huh?” he looked up at him, and couldn’t find words that would adequately portray his confusion. So Takano kept talking.

“I saved you; I’m not sure how. I’m not even sure how I knew I could do it, I just did, and… it’s because of me that you’re here today. Going through all of this.”

Normally, one would be quite humbled to know that their life was saved. But Ritsu was so perplexed that he wasn’t sure whether to slap him or run, or think of another way to lash out even though it couldn’t be helped.

“...Why. You said it’s your job, so why?! Why did I have to be ‘different’!” he latched onto Takano’s shirt and held it, pretending that his body wasn’t radiating warmth.

He was crying, but Takano kissed him in a way that made him feel so utterly helpless. He took his chin and lifted it, making sure their eyes were locked as he explained it with the utmost sincerity. “I’ve been watching you for a long time... Ritsu. I didn’t want to. Being forced to watch your loved one from afar is also a punishment, but I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to believe them, either. When they told me that you were the one for me—”

“—They weren’t wrong, though. After watching you for a while, just being the clumsy idiot that you are… I knew that things would have turned out differently, had we met while we were alive… While I was alive.”

His head couldn’t quite grasp everything he was hearing; it was sensory overload, so to speak, and he feared that his heart would burst out of his chest if he heard anything else. “Stop it--”

“Masamune.”

Their attention was drawn to the end of the shelf, where the aisle opened up and beheld the realization that they weren’t alone anymore.

The man was in a crisp, grey suit with disappointment in his eyes and a tone so stern that one might confuse him for a father. “We need to talk. Send him home.”

Takano didn’t look the least bit amused by this man’s sudden appearance. He returned his gaze to Ritsu, and although there were still traces of his desire there upon his face, he merely covered Ritsu’s eyes with his palm as he pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Then Ritsu was gone, due to wake up in the mortal world, in that library which wouldn’t look nearly as grand in comparison to the grandeur he’d just experienced. While Takano resigned to stay and accept his lecture.

 “Alright.” he groaned, wiping his head of sweat that had accumulated.

Whomever said that angels were incapable of vice was duly wrong, because Yokozawa did not hesitate to slam Takano against the nearest shelf, at the expense of several books. “Idiot! Is this a joke to you?! Just how many rules are you planning to break before they have your head on a platter, hah?!”

“No mortals allowed in the library, got it.” he droned, but this was not satisfactory.

“You’re already in deep shit for such a careless mistake. Do you understand the severity of what you’ve done?! The consequences?!”

“Don’t lecture me about mistakes until you can explain how I was seen by a mortal in the first place!” he returned.

Yokozawa could feel the agitation in his fingertips as he held him still. “As if I would stand still while my best friend digs himself into a grave!”

A moment of silent tension passed. They’d had their shouting match, decompressed and Takano was the first to retort calmly, “...I’m already dead-”

“Don’t be a smartass.” he let go of him, then ran his fingers through his own hair in disgruntled helplessness. “They’re threatening to send the executioners if you don’t start taking your position a little more seriously. Did you know that? Shit… I’ve pulled as many strings for you as I could up til now, and they’ve given you the benefit of the doubt. So why the hell are you playing around so much. This isn’t like you.”

“You’re right.”

Yokozawa had a way of letting his mouth run when he was enraged, so it would be awhile before Takano could get another word in. “I’ve told you over and over…” He never missed his opportunity to lecture him about his decisions which have become gradually more questionable. Not to mention how stupid it was that he’d commit suicide in the first place.

“Yokozawa.” he snapped when he imagined his ears bleeding, “That’s enough. I get it. I know, I have to end this soon. Just… Tell those hardasses to give me a little more time.” he sighed “I’m tying up my loose ends right now. I’ve never had that before, so it’s true that I’m doing it at my own pace. I’ve been screwing around too much, yeah. But I am taking this seriously.”

The look he gave Takano was somewhere between doubt and pity, but he had no other choice but to concede. “...I’ll let Kirishima know. However… they aren’t giving you any more chances after this, Masamune… I don’t want to see that kind of future for you.”

“Future? Me?” he mused, but made no further comment at the risk of upsetting the man who was being immensely more patient than he’d expected. “...Right. Give him a kiss for me.”

“Shut it.”

He couldn’t bring himself to add anything to the conversation, nor could Yokozawa muster the strength to lecture him any further. Although there were so many things he wanted to say, he had as much control over Takano as a sailor had of the ocean; they were both susceptible to unpredictable impulses, mood swings and the like that quelled for no one.

“Ah, by the way.” he added on his way out “Tell those executioners that they can have me when I’m done here.”

He disappeared before Yokozawa could confirm nor deny that message, and he was left to defeatedly slip his hands into his pockets. “Idiot… As if it’s you they’re after.”

 

-

 

Ritsu exited the subway car with a headache. He felt like he’d topple over if he didn’t get some rest, soon… hadn’t expected the interdimensional adventure to take such a toll on his physical health, clearly.

Part of him expected a message from Takano, but the realization dawned on him that someone like Takano probably wouldn’t have necessity for a phone, anyway. He was only there for a moment, after all. This was just a check-up.

Then, perhaps he’d left without a word all those years ago to be merciful. Maybe he’d done it knowing that he couldn’t stick around and entertain any kind of friendship between people who were never supposed to meet.

As that dreary thought crossed his mind, he turned around suddenly--

“Ah, strange.” he muttered under his breath. “I could have sworn someone was looking at me.”

“Onodera!”

His head jolted upright at the sound of his name being called so cheerfully. He deluded himself into thinking it was Nao, for a moment, until Haitani ran towards him with his arm extended in a pleasant wave. “Good to see you. Where you off to?”

“Ah, I was just headed home.” he smiled, “B-By the way… I wanted to apologize for the other night. I really didn’t intend for things to get so out of hand…”

“Say no more! I had fun, didn’t you?” he got closer, then threw an arm around him. The stride in which Haitani always seemed to take these things never failed to impress him.

“Oh… That’s right.” he was being led somewhere, and he didn’t care too much about where.

If there was one thing that hadn’t changed about his relationship with Haitani, it was the fact that their dynamic, in regards to one another, had always involved alleviating stress. That’s what made him so precious to have around during recovery, he was always a distraction and an effective one. Who in their right mind could concentrate while being led around by someone so carefree, after all.

“Where are we going?” he looked around, feeling awfully tired. The idea of having to walk too far made him uncomfortable. Carrying one another as students was one thing, but…

“I’m taking you to my place! As for that ruined date, you can make it up to me there. We’ll finally have some alone time, yeah?

“Oh…” he noticed that Haitani wasn’t looking back at him, but didn’t think much of it. He was the type of person who always looked ahead, after all. “Sure, I suppose…”

Takano would be upset if he knew. But their conversation would just have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if Japan's library of Alexandria would include manga.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware, yee faint of heart! Things get a little intense below. But if you make it to the bottom, you get a treat!

Haitani's apartment was quite far, and in a rather uncomfortably crime-ridden location, but it was a mere subway ride away from work, he explained. And since he was alone, he was living in comfort regardless of the circumstances.

Politely, he opened the door and invited Ritsu into the entry hall where they proceeded to remove their shoes.

"Just in case." he reaffirmed the necessity for caution by ensuring that he locked the door behind him. "Not that I'd let anything like that happen to you while I'm around!"

Ritsu nodded, but otherwise wasn't paying too much attention to what he was saying. He realized that his mind was wandering and struggled to focus on Haitani's furnishings. The place was surely quaint, but livable and probably no different from what his own apartment would look like if it weren't for the fact that he hadn't been in charge of the interior. Rather, it was An's persistence that filled his apartment with books and shelves and things that were supposed to make it… livelier.

Still, there was something unnaturally empty about Haitani's apartment. Like it was lacking something fundamentally important.

"Sorry about the light, the fixtures broken but the repair dude should be around any day now to take a look at it!" he assured as he shuffled around the kitchen, inviting Ritsu to take a seat anywhere that looked comfortable.

He chose the sofa. Looking up at the ceiling, briefly, he realized that what this place lacked was light. With the noon sun as the only source of illumination, the place did look quite dreary.

" _It'd be nice to invite him over, more often."_ he relented, before deciding that this, too, was his own selfish form of pity.

Haitani was in the midst of preparing tea, apparently, and he briefly wondered how he was able to navigate his apartment so well in spite of the fact that the kitchen seemed to receive the least amount of sunlight. Well, that in itself was a special talent, though. He sat patiently while Haitani poured the tea, filled two cups and brought them to the low table in the center of the room on a tray.

He took a seat on the couch beside Ritsu and allowed his tea to cool. Then with his arms stretched far on either side, he began: "It's a shame that our date was ruined."

Ritsu sipped his tea. It was a bit hot. "Oh… Right, I've been meaning to apologize. Takano has his own way of doing things sometimes and I…"

"Just get roped in, right?" he concluded with a grin, "Don't worry, I'll be your agony aunt so just let it all out. The truth is, you hate his unpredictable whims, right? That's the sort of thing you used to lecture me about all the time, after all."

Looking back, he supposed he did lecture Haitani an awful lot during their student days. "I-It couldn't be helped! You were always trying to do things that would get us in trouble, like sneaking into a pachinko parlor."

"I thought you would slide if you at least looked the part, but no matter what outfit you wore, anyone could pick you apart from the adults a mile away!" he laughed.

He sipped his tea again, still somewhat bitter about having his parents called over such a stupid idea. "Well, sorry for looking my age, then!"

Haitani hit his back several times, more than content with laughing at those treasured memories. "You've become such a jaded adult nowadays, if you tried to enter a pachinko parlor they'd probably assume you were there to desperately raise money for your starving family."

At this analogy, he scoffed. "I may be a jaded adult, but I'm a jaded adult with a job."

A peaceful moment of quiet passed, but Haitani was never one to let that sort of thing last. He leaned forward with his body pointed towards Ritsu, one leg resting comfortably over the other as he watched him drink what was left of his tea. "I never properly apologized for spilling hot tea on you, that day. I'm sorry… It's just so hard to stay focused with a guy like Takano around, y'know?"

"...I think I get what you mean." he sighed, but otherwise kept those disgraceful feelings to himself. "Anyway, it's alright. It didn't even leave a mark, so…"

"Although I'm not sorry for having a little too much fun on our date." as opposed to actually drinking his tea, he merely held the cup and stirred it. "I think it would have been so much better if Takano had never shown up."

"Oh…" he held his empty cup warily, watching the remaining droplets consolidate at the bottom. "It's because Takano's the sort of person that's a little overbearing when it comes to…"

 _The person that he likes,_ he wanted to say.

"...Ha!" Haitani bowed his head. The vacant swirl of his hand became somewhat more intense, upsetting the tea. "I wasn't talking about that."

"...You weren't?" he turned to face Haitani as he set his cup down.

"It would have been best if Takano had stayed out of your life forever." he asserted with a fading smile. His tea was overflowing the sides of his cup, which was now rapidly rocking in his fingertips. "It should have been you and me, not just now, but always. I lost ten years with you, Ritsu. You have no idea… how much I've been holding back."

The atmosphere was different from usual, he noted immediately. Never before had he seen Haitani in such a state of unrest, like he hadn't slept in days and it troubled him. "Are you alright, Haitani…?"

He abandoned the cup and it seared the table with its heat; a scar that would never come out, but he paid no mind at all. His unoccupied hands quickly found Ritsu's wrists and pushed him onto the floor, asserting his weight across the length of his body with his knee. Like what had happened all those years ago, he'd pinned him down quickly. Of course Ritsu was no match for his strength, of course he knew that.

"H-Haitani." he managed in spite of the sudden fit of paranoia that welled up in his gut. He still recalled that night, sometimes, and cursed it. It was because of that night that he had to find out he was 'strange', couldn't lie to himself no matter what. "This isn't funny, we aren't kids anymore!"

It was just a practical joke, he assured. Haitani was just tired. "I have work in the morning, I should really get going. Let me up!" he pleaded. But he was feeling especially fatigued.

"It's okay, Ritsu." Haitani kept one hand guarding his wrists, but the other caressed his face with sincere affection. "I'm not going to hurt you… Okay? As long as you promise you won't struggle… You definitely won't get hurt. So just relax-"

"Let go!" he turned his head, "This isn't a game! Something like this… It's too far, even for you!"

The look on his face was animalistic. He looked deranged, but even with that troubled appearance, Ritsu never expected that he would be slapped across the face by his best friend. It stung so much that his eyes watered; it conveyed the honest emotions of the person on top of him, but he did not want to accept it. Every muscle in his body fought to escape but there was no such thing as 'strength' for someone like him.

Haitani knew that, most definitely. With his hand raised in a way that was utterly contradictory to the pain in his eyes, he looked like a parent who had just struck their child for the first time. Regret was what he was feeling, if the trembling in his fingertips was any indication, but his grip didn't loosen one bit.

"You… You hit me." his body was trembling with a mixture of fear and frustration, knowing he had neither the power nor strength to retaliate with such a pathetic constitution.

"I told you, didn't I?!" he raised his voice and tightened his grip until his nails were biting the pale skin of his wrists. "If you struggle, you'll get hurt. I didn't want… I don't want that for you. I just wanted to hold you the right way… I wanted to take your virginity on your bed, not here. So you would remember me whenever I'm not around to hold you. And in the morning, we could do it again-"

"St-Stop!" he was red up to his ears, but he was starting to attribute the strange sensation to the unsettling aftertaste of his tea. "I don't want to hear you say those things! I can't… I'm sorry, Haitani. I just can't imagine doing that sort of thing with you, you were… You're my closest friend. I can't!"

"Closest friend?" Hurt was written all over his face. In the aftermath of his rejection, he seized Ritsu's throat with both hands and squeezed. "As if. Don't lie to me like that… Don't just tell me what I want to hear; you and I both know that you're in love with Takano, so don't lie to me! If I were your closest friend then you wouldn't mind doing it with me. Things wouldn't have to turn out like this-"

His immediate fear was that he would be strangled, until he realized that death would be the most efficient way to escape from this situation. And why not? If this curse was good for one thing…

Unfortunately, it didn't seem that Haitani was applying quite enough precious on his windpipe. He was short of breath, but the oxygen continued to flow and he was becoming disoriented quickly. "St...Stop it, Hai…"

"But that's okay." Haitani said with a bitter smile that didn't meet his eyes. "Because you can think about Takano while I'm fucking you. I don't mind. As long as I'm your first, I don't care whose name you're calling."

He shut his eyes tightly as he tried desperately to pull away, but Haitani was too strong; no matter how many times he hit him, he wouldn't budge. Probably couldn't hear him, either. As much as he resented his face at that moment, the sudden awareness of a hand beneath his shirt had him jolt upright. Although he was pressed back down again. "Don't do this. Haitani…!"

For his defiance, he was hit again and the room revolved around him in one swift circulation that made him utterly nauseous. It passed, however, and he found his gaze pulled to the opposite side of the room.

Haitani was pressing kisses to his stomach, following the skin with his tongue up to his collarbone. When he took a nipple into his mouth, Ritsu shuddered at the vaguely familiar sensation. He started working on his pants, next, creating a sense of urgency unlike any other.

Across the room, he noticed a slight gleam in the dark. A shard; it looked like it had belonged to something heavy, like a vase. Whatever the case, was it sturdy enough to puncture skin?

It didn't matter. As he squirmed, he managed just enough distance with his arms to touch it with his fingertips. It was his. It was his, he was going to escape-

Whether it was his imagination or the result of losing his mind, he didn't know. But the shard was kicked away and he felt as though eyes were on him. Aside from Haitani, he felt the presence of someone else and couldn't help but wonder if this were a sick joke. If his mind had conjured up a spirit capable of nullifying his one chance at escape.

He was dragged back to the center of the floor, "Stop moving, Onodera! I told you that I didn't want to hurt you. Why would you make me resort to something like this?!" he looked at Ritsu accusingly, with an expression so pained that one might have mistaken him for the victim.

"No… Haitani, please kill me!" he begged. It was rather dramatic and hasty, but it was his only hope.

His face was gently caressed again, although the contrasting sting of his previous hits could not be overlooked. "That's… so kind of you, offering to die with me like that, Onodera." his smile was almost genuine, but something about the look in his eyes was twisted with raw emotion. "After this, we can do it together, okay? We can die as lovers."

That wasn't what he meant, not one bit, but for once he was actually looking forward to his next encounter with death.

His pants were lowered and his belt was removed. Haitani paused for a moment in order to wrap it tightly around his wrists. "There…! That's great. Now that you can't run, I won't have to hit you. I'm glad."

He wondered if Haitani could even hear what he was saying, before his mind went blank. The only alternative he had to pleading for help that would never come was to defeatedly accept it, even if his body trembled, and he looked up at Haitani with nothing but resentment and sorrow. His body began to react when Haitani pulled his shirt off and teased his nipples, creating all sorts of interesting sounds that he stifled by biting his lip.

Haitani frowned, "Don't hide it. I want to hear you." and proceeded to remove his boxers so that Ritsu was completely and utterly exposed. At which point he had to stop in order to sit back on his heels and marvel. "Wow… You're really beautiful, Ritsu… I'm glad I'm going to be the first. I'm sorry. We should have done this properly-"

"Th-There's still time!" he shouted as he realized Haitani had begun to unzip. He had his attention, now. "There's still time to do it right, Haitani… We can do it, o-on the bed and shower in the morning and… whatever you want. But you have to untie-"

"No!" he looked away and grabbed his hips. "If we don't do this now, right now, you'll never be mine. I can't give you to anyone else. Ritsu. I can't- Not after all that I've sacrificed… Just to be here with you, today. I won't let you belong to someone else… But don't worry. After this, we can do it the way you want it. I'll give you anything, so… Please bear with it. I didn't have the time to prepare you."

"Prepare?" his mouth hung open in shock as he tried to sit up, then quickly realized that he didn't want to see it happen.

Haitani's cock sprung from his jeans; the bastard was hard after all, and he pulled his hips closer until the tip was touching his entrance.

"No." he thrashed around violently, although his hips were held in place regardless. "That won't fit… That won't fit! Please, I'll definitely break-!"

Seconds away from penetration, the door burst open.

All remaining hope was squandered—

—until he saw Takano standing in the door.

"T...Takano-" he wanted to reach out for him. Moreover, he wanted to burst into tears with relief.

Haitani looked up as well, more than a bit enraged. Although it must have hurt, he zipped up and rose to his feet with multiple frustrations underway. "So you decided to show up here, after all… Once again, uninvited. You know, you've got a  _really_ bad habit of-"

His shallow temperament was expressed by the swiftness in which he slugged Haitani. Blood erupted from his nose and he hit the table so hard that it shook the entire room. Takano's expression was unreadable, but his posture spelled out fury right down to his clenched fists. His first priority, as he was surprisingly coherent enough to undergo it, was to kneel beside Ritsu and free him.

"...Onodera." he cupped his face, removed his jacket and draped it over him while Ritsu clung to him for dear life. Then he gently wrapped his hands around his wrists and said, "Let go."

He obeyed, and tried not to take it to heart but it hurt, even though it couldn't be helped. While Takano rose to his feet, he sought out his scattered clothes and began to redress himself. This development was discouraging enough to compel Haitani back to his feet, apparently.

As he swayed, it was evident that he was a bit drunk off of adrenaline, as he swung at Takano again and leaped back to his feet in spite of being immediately thrown against the sofa. Takano, who'd had quite enough messing around, seized Haitani by his throat and shoved him to the ground.

As he stood over him with one foot on his chest and the other aimed at the side of his head, he asserted with deadly aggression, "Touch him again and I'll fucking kill you. I don't give a damn if you're a mortal."

"Takano…" Ritsu was dressed, but he felt like he'd keel over any minute. He reached out to him warily "We should go.."

Takano wasn't listening either. Contrarily, he thought it necessary to assert his warning with a final, purposeful kicked to the jaw. And then his neck. And then his chest, his head again, his neck-

"Takano, stop!" Ritsu gripped the back of his shirt tightly.

He turned around in surprise, almost as though he'd forgotten him altogether. Then he gathered enough composure to shut his eyes and take a deep breath. "...You're right. We should go."

A thud compelled him to open his eyes, and then look down at where Ritsu had collapsed.

This was to be expected. He was not the least bit frightened, but rather, enraged and wholeheartedly prepared to kill the next mortal that overstepped their boundaries. More especially the one he'd just thrashed, and so desperately wanted to strangle.

As Ritsu awoke, he jolted upright with the remnants of a nightmare weighing heavily on his mind.

The first thing on his mind was Haitani. "He's hurt… Haitani's hurt-"

However, his mouth was covered firmly before he could even finish that thought, and Takano was giving him a rather unforgiving look. "I don't want to hear any of your selfless bullshit right now. You're lucky I didn't lock you up for being an idiot!"

The last thing he recalled was their conversation at the library. Thereafter, he was only certain that he drank tea with Haitani, and after that… It hit him all at once.

He clenched his fists tightly and shut his eyes, but the image of Haitani's face was burnt into his mind. The lust, the anger, the sorrow… "No, that can't… Haitani wouldn't do such a thing!"

"Are you serious." Takano sighed and brushed his bangs aside, evidently at a loss. "Why don't you take a good look at yourself before you say that."

His reflection in the window sufficed as a mirror, and it provided indisputable evidence; his own face, flushed with the aftermath of arousal and exhaustion. There were fingerprints on his neck as well, but they were faint. Nonetheless, they were there and he felt nauseous.

 _I'm the strange one,_ some part of him insisted. The part of him that wanted to hold Haitani close, as a friend, in spite of the teasing, and the bad behavior. And wanted to hold onto those memories they shared without regret.

"...It can't be Haitani… Because Haitani was my friend, he would never…" as his mind wandered, he felt himself growing short of breath. Hyperventilation, he presumed, until Takano's hands were on his shoulder.

"Onodera." he strained to get his attention, "Look at me. Whether you like it or not, that person is  _not_ your friend. I don't know what he is, or where he came from, but he's dangerous."

Dangerous.

The person that had gone through rehabilitation alongside him was dangerous.

The one that hauled him to the subway station when his legs give out, and worsened his own injury in the process, was dangerous. That friend that had been by his side for a year.

His dear friend had tried to do  _that_ to him, and the truth hurt far more than any truck ever would.

"You...don't understand. He was my friend. We were…" the words he tried to find would not come out. Instead, he dipped his head into his hands and mourned.

Regardless of whether or not he 'understood', Takano held him close to his chest and wrapped his arms around him tight. So tightly that the warmth permeating off his person passed through Onodera and alleviated the chill leftover from being pressed against a cold, unforgiving floor. For awhile, they remained untouched, immovable, inseparable. No words were exchanged nor did one try to touch the other in any way except to hold each other closer.

His heart still ached, it still recalled their previous conversation; the realization that he couldn't hold onto this man tight enough to keep him in his world. Yet he clung anyway, like he had nothing left to lose.

Takano was content with holding him and being held, but eventually broke the silence in order to confess, "...Within forty-eight hours of a person's death, their soul will show them a red string of fate. The idea is that it's supposed to bind you to the person you're fated to be with, for eternity."

Ritsu looked up at him with eyes overshadowed by grief, but remained attentive.

"At first, I thought that I had really shit luck, since that string decided to bind me to some clumsy, hopeless brat… But the more I watched you, the more I thought, 'Yeah, I guess I see it'... Because when it comes to everything you do, you're the type of person who's dedicated. Naive as hell, though."

He tried to imagine Takano watching him, some time before the accident. Perhaps after the accident, even, and wondered what he could have possibly done to give him such an interesting impression. But he just couldn't bring himself to ask.

"...If a human passes naturally before their soulmate, they're usually free to watch over them and wait until they can be reunited on the other side. Reapers, however…" he sighed "That sort of punishment goes as far as to force you to watch your soulmate grow, and live and struggle and eventually die without you. And no matter what, you'll never be able to reach them."

"I don't want to hear this…" he buried his head in Takano's chest, covered his ears but his hands were removed.

Takano forced him to look up, to look him in the eyes as he stated, "I've wanted you for a very long time, Ritsu. I've loved you a little over ten years, and until recently I believed that the only interaction I could ever have with you was through that accident. That saving you would be the only thing I'd ever be able to give you, because I had thrown my life away like a selfish asshole."

"Stop it." he pleaded as he defiantly turned his head away, and shut his eyes tightly.

It didn't deter him, though. "When I found out you could see me, I avoided you because I knew there was no sense in falling in love with a human because of what I was; what I still am." He moved to gently brush the hair out of his eyes, but Ritsu slapped his hand away.

Ritsu, who looked devastated, tried to hide his eyes. "Shut up! Don't just say that I'll never see you again, even if I'm dead! Even now, knowing that you're going to disappear someday…" he hung his head low "It hurts. It hurts so much—"

"I know." he grabbed him and held him close again, pressing him to his chest as if it would prolong their time together any further. "It hurts me, too. But… If my shitty mistake means that I can spend a little more time with you. I'd do it over, again and again."

He didn't want to hear any more, but couldn't pull himself away. The lull of his beating heart kept him glued there, unwilling to fathom what it would be like if it stopped; that it ever stopped in the first place. "...Don't leave me." he pleaded under his breath.

His selfish request went unheard. Takano let go of him, briefly. Only so that he could kneel to the floor and enfold his hand in Ritsu's.

Pressing a kiss to his palm, he looked up at him with earnestly, and with a rare, somehow beautiful smile. "Ritsu… I love you so much that I'm fucking up everything. I don't care if we don't more time, I want to hold you."

Although he said it with confidence, it was a question; one with an answer he awaited anxiously, as he looked up at Ritsu with his lips brushing his palm.

Ritsu wouldn't meet his eyes. His entire body trembled, torn between his own conflicting passions, desires, fears. Everything about this was wrong. Every barrier he'd erected for the purpose of guarding himself against the being that Takano was, the inevitability of his departure, would not uphold to the longing in his body and soul; the part of him that wanted Takano in spite of anything else.

It was by far the most foolish decision he'd made in his life, second to saving a being that did not need to be saved. Even so, amid the brief, pregnant silence that passed—

—he nodded his head.

Takano was on him in minutes, forceful enough to be a bit rougher than intended but gentle and precise with his hands. He found Ritsu's body and craved it, first his lips and then his throat and his lips again.

When Ritsu felt that he was getting too hasty, he threaded his hands in his hair and gently held him in place. He took his time, reciprocating the kiss with clumsy passion and shying away when his Takano's tongue begged permission.

"Open your mouth." his words were in his ear, then he nibbled on the lobe and trailed back to his lips.

They were timidly parted, and Ritsu struggled to keep his eyes clothes as nervous trembles wracked his body. Takano slipped his tongue inside and explored, gripping his hips with his hands and pushing them together so he could grind into him, show him what he wanted to do.

Ritsu tilted his head back and moaned into the deep, sultry kiss which Takano greedily drank up. It was almost comforting, in a way. No matter how loudly he moaned, he couldn't overcome the sound of their tongues slicked together, their lips smacking, the sheets rustling beneath them.

"Lift your hips." he broke away long enough to command.

His pants were pulled down to his ankles and abandoned there, until he found the strength to kick them off. He almost wanted to reprimand Takano for being so inconsiderate, but his mind was going blank. He wasn't sure when Takano had undressed, but he wanted to speed things along, wanted to savor it at the same time.

"Y...Your shirt." he pointed out quietly, keeping his gaze on anything else.

He expected to be teased for his sudden fit of lust, but Takano kissed his cheek instead. "Whatever you say, young-master." Then removed his shirt and tossed it. He did the same to Ritsu's, who was only somewhat helpful in that regard as he struggled to keep his wits.

"You don't need to be so nervous…" he assured, trailing his tongue down his neck, biting down occasionally. He couldn't help but adore the helpless cries of pain he'd occasionally receive, when he bit down too hard.

"D-Don't say that when you're perfectly calm!" he laid back down on the bed and looked towards the window, which was a mistake. Because his reflection consisted of himself, sprawled beneath Takano amid the crumpled sheets with his body writhing for more.

Takano grabbed his head and urged it towards his bare chest, until he was pressed right against it. "Listen to it… How fast my heart is beating."

Ritsu couldn't stand it. He felt like he'd die from embarrassment if he kept this up any longer, so he squeezed his eyes shut. He gasped when he felt Takano's hand wrapped around his dick, pumping fervently for several long strokes until he inevitably came undone.

He looked up in a daze, realized that this wasn't over and paled. "I…"

"That was fast."

He wanted to die.

"It's okay." Takano guided his hand to his front again, pressed his own hard-on against him and grinded. "I'll cum, too."

They continued to indulge in this sinful endeavor of friction moments longer than it should have lasted, Ritsu growing harder every time Takano shifted his hips. He was getting closer, meanwhile, and when he felt it coming he tentatively asked, "Ritsu… Can I use your chest?"

Dumbfounded, his only reply was a lame "Huh?"

Takano kneeled down on top of him, rubbing himself off quickly and clumsily until he released all over his chest (and a bit of his face, in the process) with a grunt. Appeased, but tired, he laid down on top of him in order to show his gratitude with another kiss.

"You made a mess-!" he complained, but his face was so red that he couldn't meet his eyes.

"I know." he cut off his complaint in order to stick his tongue into his mouth again, explore and slurp and suck to his heart was content, soaking in every moan.

They kissed, sucked, moved against one another until they were both raring to go. Takano held his fingers up to Ritsu's mouth at some point and said, "Suck."

Although nervous, he did as he was told and wrapped his tongue around his fingers, swirling, slurping and sucking the way that Takano had in his mouth. His mind wandered to other things while he did, wondering what it would be like to do  _that_ for Takano; to turn the tables and watch him come undone because of his tongue.

It was so shameful, he realized. Takano would make fun of him if he knew he'd turned into such a pervert.

"There's no lube, sorry." he apologized as he retracted his fingers.

Ritsu wondered what he was referring to, until his legs were spread apart and he felt completely and utterly exposed in every way. He covered his eyes and his mouth as a finger slipped inside, unwilling to give Takano the satisfaction of hearing such a pathetic sound. "F-Feels weird…" he complained beneath his fingertips.

That finger swirled around, prodded in places that had never ever been explored and found a rather peculiar spot that made him jump. Takano noticed this- unfortunately, and added a second finger with a cheeky smile. "Don't worry. I'll give you something bigger in a bit."

With two fingers working him until his toes curled, he knew he wouldn't last much longer. Helplessly, he begged, "Please… J-Just hurry!" uncaring of whether or not he was teased as a result.

Takano didn't, though. Rather, he seemed more than willing to line his cock up with his hole and push, until the tip was inside.

Ritsu looked like he was going to explode. He trembled, writhed and tightened up until Takano chided him lightly with a slight hiss. "Relax- Ah, shit… I'll go slow."

He nodded, doing his utmost to relax and pretend that he wasn't about to have his virginity taken by someone who was unreasonably huge. "It...It won't fit-" he worried through his fingers.

Takano pushed until he was halfway inside, groaning and tightening his grip around Onodera's thighs as he pulled them apart, pulled him closer. His self restraint truly was admirable, but painful to watch.

He took a deep breath, quaking under the stimulation as Takano's thing began to fill him up completely. He waited anxiously…

With one last moan-inducing thrust, he was fully sheathed inside. Ritsu tossed his head back. It took a moment to adjust but when he did, and his body managed to somehow accept Takano's size, the pain subsided gradually.

What remained was sheer ecstasy. With every thrust, he'd hit a spot that his fingers couldn't reach. He'd bury himself to the hilt and fuck him ruthlessly before settling into a gentle pace again, repeat this and mess him up completely.

"Ritsu… Ritsu…" somewhere, Takano had lost his reasoning until the only thing that remained in his head was Onodera's name and how tight he was around him.

As for Ritsu, his mind and body were entirely filled with Takano. He could think of nothing else but how much he wanted him, how good it felt to be rocked back and forth by this man he'd fallen in love with. When the words slipped out, he never even realized it. "M...Masamune-" and his stomach coiled up with the intention of release.

"Ritsu… I love you… Ritsu." he wrapped his legs around him and thrusted over, and over, and over with nothing but the sweet bliss of release on his mind. "Inside… Gonna cum..inside-"

"I…l-hah! Y-You too-!" he managed pathetically, without so much as a single protest crossing his lips as he came without further warning.

His body tightened up, urging the man inside him right into his climax. A man of his words, he finished inside and gasped at the aftermath.

Ritsu was thankful that he wasn't the only one panting heavily, but he was dazed and exhausted beyond belief. The only thing he could comprehend was his impulsive desire to hold Takano close and be held in return. And when he pulled out, it almost felt like a loss.

They laid next to one another in silence for several moments, before Takano pressed a kiss to his lips and repeated, as if he couldn't say it enough, "I love you."

Now that he could say it properly, and was nestled rather comfortably in his arms, he replied, "I love you, too." although there were tears in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh... long chapter because I appreciate you all so much! I hope you didn't think this was the end. I am not that merciful. Also your treat is the smut, you are welcome. I'm so tired...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy the fluff!

When the sun rose, and an inkling of light hit his face, Ritsu was the first to awaken with a sense of dread and urgency. It nearly compelled him to get out of bed, until he found himself once again captivated by the man sleeping beside him.

He looked so beautiful in his sleep, and so peaceful. These were things that he wouldn't admit even if it killed him, though, and he figured that it was a shame he had such a terrible personality.

His phone beeped and he struggled to find it, realizing quickly that it wasn't on his bedside table where he usually kept it. After a brief moment of panic, he recalled that he'd never taken it out of his coat pocket- and that his coat had been discarded hastily, in the wake of their…

" _It's too embarrassing."_ he covered his face and turned his back to him.  _I did 'that' with Takano-"_

His phone beeped again, and he realized that he would be late for work. He swung his legs over the side of the bed quickly, but hit the floor when his legs gave out. Anemia and exhaustion were the initial suspects, until he noticed that the ache was central to his back and his hips, and sitting down seemed like death.

He looked down at himself, noting that his body bruised where Takano had gripped him (and marked him). Moreover, there was a peculiar sticky, white substance sliding down his legs which caused his face to flush a dramatic, bright red.

" _That bastard…"_  he covered his mouth indignantly. " _It feels weird."_

Another alert urged him to scoop his jacket up quickly and seize his phone with a little more aggression than intended. Although prepared to issue several apologies, he realized, quite dumbly, that it was hardly past six. Which meant that he wasn't even close to being late.

As he scrolled through his notification log, he realized that Haitani had not only called him several times over, but had sent roughly 30 messages. Memories of the previous afternoon flooded back to him, hit him in the gut and gave him a rather sorrowful demeanor.

However, " _He must really be sorry."_ was the benefit of doubt that he gave him.

"Ritsu," read the first message "I'm sorry. I know what I almost did to you was terrible.. I don't expect you to forgive me. I took things too far."

The earnesty surprised him, but he hadn't expected that sort of things to be one of his jokes, after all. However, each apology became more troubling, less coherent than the last and it wasn't long before he became worried.

"I'm so sorry." "I don't know what came over me." "I messed up." "I don't deserve you." "Don't deserve to keep living." "I didn't want to." "He told me to hurt you." "I messed up." "You're better off without someone like me." "I'm sorry."

Every single message was written like a cry for help. Haitani's remorse radiated through the phone and caused an unpleasant feeling to well up in his stomach, as he thought about how much he was suffering. How much suffering both of them would have been made to endure, had his attempts been successful.

The last message was the most troubling, and the most recent. It read simply "I'm sorry, goodbye." causing Ritsu to jolt out the fastest reply he could manage as all sorts of nasty possibilities swept through his mind.

"Don't do anything rash!" he urged, and attempted to call his phone. He must have been rejected immediately, however, because he'd only gotten two rings in before he was sent to voicemail. With little alternative, he continued to rattle out messages, wrought with fear and concern about what his friend might do if he didn't act quickly. "I can't forgive what you've done, but you don't deserve to die. I'll come right over after work and we can talk about this, so please reflect on your actions."

As much as he would have liked to rush over, he wasn't ready neither mentally nor physically. He couldn't afford to jeopardize his job, either, and refused to use his last name as leverage that would allow for tardiness. His pride didn't need to suffer any further.

He got to his feet and looked back at the bed where Takano slept. He could crawl back in, he realized. It'd only give them another hour together, but…

He shook his head, picked out some clean clothes from miscellaneous parts of the room and brought them into the bathroom with him. Consequently leaving Masamune to feel childishly neglected upon waking to an empty bed.

His shower took longer than expected, on account of the fact that he had underestimated how difficult it was to get the excess cum out, but he managed. And decided that if Takano ever wanted to do something like that again…

He mentally hit himself for insinuating that there would be a next time in the first place. As he dressed, he noticed that Takano was no longer in bed and it worried him.

"Takano?" he looked around the room in a bit of a panic.

"I'm right here." from behind, his voice was in his ear again and there were arms wrapped around his waist.

It was as comforting as it was terrifying. He jumped and turned his head, "D-Don't do that!"

"You should have stayed in bed."

"Some of us have to work for a living."

"Some of us aren't living."

Finished with this argument, Ritsu frustratedly tried to yank his arms away. But he held on even tighter. "Takano, let go! I have to get ready for work."

"That was a long shower," he pressed himself against Ritsu's back and looked down at his body, damp with water and lively with the scent of soap. "How's your body?"

"It-It's fine." he lowered his voice, "Now will you let go?"

This time he complied. Ritsu turned to face him. Takano wasn't wearing a shirt and it was unfair, and distracting, because his body was glistening and well sculpted and he was obnoxiously handsome and-

"Come straight home tonight. I'm making curry." he said as he slipped a shirt on.

Ritsu unconsciously nodded before his head jerked up, "Ah, I can't-" and he clung to the first plausible excuse he could conceive. "I...have a meeting after work today, I'm sorry. I'll be home late."

What he received was a dejected sigh. "Wow, so you're the 'hit it and quit it' type after all."

He paled "That's not it at all! I-It can't be helped if we're short staffed…" It wasn't necessarily a lie, but the majority of his overtime was voluntary.

Though Takano conceded with a shrug of his shoulders, he turned to give Ritsu a kiss on the cheek. "I'll wait up."

He turned away, because he couldn't possibly handle his face, or the sincerity in his voice as he said that. To have someone waiting for him to return felt too much like a shoujo manga; something the cynicist inside of him loathed.

Though, to imagine Takano as somebody's bride…

Certainly gave him nightmarish imagery, and he nearly lost his appetite. There was still a bit of time on his hands before he had to leave, so he used the time to plug his phone in. He was reminded, briefly, of the troubling messages he'd received that morning. The only confirmation that he had about Haitani's status at that moment was the reply he'd received during his shower, which read simply "Okay".

Still, it was a relief. Even if his body did tremble slightly at the recollection, but Takano was quick to place a hand on his head and move his hair around. "I'm making breakfast."

He set his phone aside, nervous suddenly and looked up. "Oh…Thank you."

What proceeded was an attempt to pass time while simultaneously savoring it. To fill the space, he sat in the living room curled up on the couch with a book while Takano prepared the food. He'd occasionally step in to peer over his shoulder and read a paragraph with him, examine the cover and judge it honestly before returning to the kitchen.

When breakfast was ready, he brought it to the couch and sat beside Ritsu, leaning slightly on his shoulder in spite of the ample space. He set his book aside and accepted his plate without much complaint, musing at how Takano, once again, had created something that looked as though it were a chef's special with the most trivial ingredients at his disposal.

"You know, if I were in the business of making books," he mused as he took a bite of his eggs "I'd want to create the type of book that you would enjoy."

It was an interesting thing to consider. However, "I enjoy most books," Ritsu differed. "Besides, whatever you create…" he added begrudgingly "would probably put me out of a job."

"Yeah… I'll displace Onodera from Onodera publishing. That'll work out."

" _I was trying to be nice, you bastard-"_

Nonetheless, they shared their meal with an atmosphere of comfort between them. Nothing about the meal in particular was different, however… there was definitely an additional sensation of  _something_ that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Last night felt really good."

Ritsu was made to choke on his eggs. "C-Can you  _not_ say that kind of thing while we're eating?!"

"Sorry." he didn't seem the least bit perturbed "It's just, I'm really happy about it…"

Those honest words triggered the heat in his face again, worrying his poor, anemic heart. Still, though… glancing at Takano's face as he said those things made him envious, just a little bit, of how open he was with his feelings. When he still couldn't say those embarrassing things without shying away.

As they finished their breakfast, Ritsu was the one to take their plates and bring them to the kitchen. While he rinsed them off in the sink, he muttered an inaudible confession. "...I felt really good, too."

"Say that to my fucking face." he stood by the entry hall with his arms folded, while the blood rushed to Ritsu's face at once in a rather disorienting upset.

He was quick to grab his phone, put his coat on and head to the door with his head down. Takano stopped him before he left the house, by grabbing his shoulder, and he turned around to shout. "I have to go-!"

They shared a kiss, however brief. Takano pulled away, and met his eyes seriously. "I love you, Ritsu."

Before he could usher any more blood loss, he replied quietly with his back turned "I-I love you too, so…H-Have a good day!" and rushed out the door.

Haitani was in the shower when he heard Ritsu's reply, his phone buzzing rapidly on the sink's countertop. Too fascinated with the blood from his nose dripping down the drain, he regarded it solemnly "Could you get that for me, Ijuuin?"

Ijuuin, the ever-elusive angel, stood by the door without the slightest bit of interest apparent on his face. He compliantly took the phone, scrolled through it and summarized: "He'll be here after work." then proceeded to scoff at the messages sent prior. "My, aren't you the noble reflectionist?"

"Nah," he smiled as he soaped up his arms "I just know when to admit defeat."

"You're handing him over, then."

"Did I say that?" he brushed a wet rag over his wounds. "What does it matter, anyway? He's head over heels for  _that guy._ But can you blame him? Shit…" the temperature of the water rose and it stung like hell. "Did you see the way he pushed me around like I was nothing? God, he was rough. And violent. And that look in his eyes, I really thought he was going to kill me."

Ijuuin listened to his tangent with mild interest.

"Just by looking at him, doesn't it seem like he's the type of person who'd be extremely capable? He's probably a dedicated lover, too, from what I've seen. Shit…" he gripped the wall and watched his feet, feeling notably undone "I'm getting hard again. Ah, getting my ass kicked by that guy felt better than sex."

He assessed this phenomena with a sigh, "Very well. You've chosen a troublesome target, then… But this might actually work out for you, but you can't afford to hesitate. The minute you do, you  _will_ be killed and the last ten years will be for naught. Are you prepared for that?"

"There's no way in hell I'm letting my effort go to waste!" he hit the tiled wall with his fist, irritating his knuckles quite a bit.

"Then do as I say, exactly as I instruct. Understand?" he waited for a nod, proceeded when he received it. "Good… Then I hope you're prepared to do  _whatever_ it takes, from this point on. You can't afford to be half-assed anymore, Arata."

He took note of the way Haitani seemed to be struggling, then cracked the door in the wake of his exit. The only affirmation he received was a nod. "I'll let you handle your 'problem' on your own… After this, I hope we can put an end to our troubles once and for all."

That evening, he rung the doorbell to Haitani's apartment timidly, shifting uncomfortably on his foot from time to time as he waited. Several minutes passed and he was growing even more anxious, envisioning all the ways in which this could have possibly gone wrong.

Thinking about it made him nauseous, so he checked his phone and sent a quick text to Haitani informing him that he was outside. He debated sending another one, just in case, but the reply was quick.

"I'm on the rooftop, I won't come down until I see you."

" _Are you a child?"_ he wanted to scold him, but they were no longer kids and he could no longer behave as his mother. It didn't take long to understand that these new whims of his were something beyond his comprehension.

He took the elevator up to the last floor of the complex and made his way towards the stairwell. It was a bit eerie, this place, and on one occasion he could have sworn he'd felt eyes on the back of his neck. But it was chalked up to a trick of his nerves, so he traversed the stairs warily.

The door was heavy, but unlocked. He pushed it open and stepped out with his hand over his eyes, wincing at the last bit of sunlight as it began to steadily sink over the city-scaped horizon.

When his eyes adjusted, he found Haitani. He was standing on the edge of the roof, so close that one strong gust of wind would surely knock him off if he weren't careful. Just being near the damned adrenaline junkie made him nauseous, so he proceeded cautiously. "Get away from there! Please talk to me, Haitani- What you did was wrong, but throwing your life away isn't the answer!"

"Don't lie to me!" he turned around to face Ritsu with a face that looked utterly distraught "I saw the way you looked at me. You hate me now, don't you?"

"I don't… And even if I did." he stepped closer, but only a bit; "If you commit suicide. You're not only throwing your life away! If you just wait, I'm sure you'll find the one you were meant to be with. You can spend your life together and have more fun than we ever did. I promise!"

In spite of his promise, he felt awfully disgusting, speaking openly about things he couldn't even begin to understand. The only thing he knew for sure was that he resented the barrier intended to keep him away from Takano, his "punishment" for throwing his life away. When things could have turned out so differently had they been given the chance to meet.

Haitani turned his back to the city and stepped off the ledge, cocking his head curiously "Why would I do something stupid like that? You sound super passionate, by the way! That's one of the things I admire about you… you would waste those words on someone like me."

"...Huh?" his mouth hung open slightly.

"Don't worry, though. I've already found the person I was fated to be with. I'll save you from the heartache."

He clenched his fists, with his body trembling, again, at the memory of the previous afternoon with every inch of distance that closed between them. He stood his ground, however. "I… I do love you, Haitani. But I love you as a friend. I'm sorry..." Every word was genuine.

A cold look crossed Haitani's face. He stood still, for a moment, listened diligently to the voice in his ear which uttered in solemn certainty, unbeknownst to Ritsu,

" _He smells like that man; the reaper marked him. All over his body..."_

He stood deathly still for a moment, as if shocked. As if some part of him hadn't known that his actions would precisely drive them closer to one another.

" _Don't just stand there… Make your move. You'll never have another chance like this."_

"I know." he replied, although Ritsu could neither hear nor see what he was speaking to, or why. It concerned him. Especially when he drew closer, repeating, "I know… I know that! But it hurts, damnit! I hate this…"

He reasoned that this was the result of his rejection, and guilt overcame him. He tightened his fists and tried his best to offer gently, "I know you'll find the right person for you… And I shouldn't speak of something I know nothing about, but I know it's not me."

"Ritsu." Haitani stood in front of him now, caressing his face gently with downcast eyes and a saddened, soft smile. "It's alright… I understand." But I have one request," he pleaded.

He didn't have the heart to turn him down outright, so he at least relented to listen.

The request was quite simple, actually. "I just want one goodbye kiss… It's selfish and you can hit me all you want, but… I think with that, I can finally give up."

It was said so earnestly that Ritsu considered it seriously. After a moment of confliction, he eventually conceded with a hesitant nod. "Just… one kiss goodbye."

That would be it, between them. Perhaps they could never truly return to being friends.

Haitani looked troubled as he worked up the courage to  _do it,_ to lean forward and tentatively hover around his lips as if this was what he'd wanted his entire life. In truth, they had kissed before on one occasion, but the atmosphere now was altogether different. It had weight to it. It was more than a childish jibe at someone he disliked.

It was goodbye. He leaned in and kissed him softly, gently nibbling his lower lip while he had the chance. It was wrong but he was doing his best to savor it. Even though this was the end, and Ritsu was doing his best to endure it.

It felt wrong to kiss someone other than Takano; there was no other way to put it. There was no warmth, no lust, no mutual attraction between them besides what Haitani had misconstrued as love. It hurt, to feel so distant, yet he  _knew_ that this was how it had to be. And he could only pray that Haitani would find something real with someone else, someday, and that neither would throw away their chance at happiness over trivial things.

He pulled away, eventually, and watched the ground. "...Thank you, Ritsu." It seemed as though he was on the brink of tears. Even when he pulled a knife from his coat pocket and slid it into Ritsu's stomach, it looked like he just might cry.

What differentiated this death from all the others was not solely the fact that he'd been murdered, but the pain that coursed through his body. He was someone accustomed to having his head smashed, choking, being crushed and so on but had never experienced any semblance of pain and frankly, the rest felt like a jumbled dream. This, however, in all of its searing pain, was a waking nightmare.

Haitani removed the knife and eyed Ritsu as he dropped to his knees, "I'm sorry. Things didn't have to be this way. I'm sorry." somewhere between satisfaction and remorse as he knelt down with him, plunged the knife into his stomach again, and again. It happened so quickly that Ritsu could not hear himself screaming. He was stabbed seven times over before Haitani finally released his hair and let him drop, stabbing him once more in his shoulder for good measure.

He laid on his back in a pool of his own blood, the color draining from his face and he looked like a doll. One that'd been battered and discarded. He coughed, choked on more blood as a result and stained his lips. His head, which was looking longingly up towards the sky, fell towards Haitani and stared with wide-opened eyes at his murderer.

They locked eyes, but the only indication Ritsu gave of having any semblance of cautious left was the slight movement of his pupils, following him as he rose to his feet. Haitani stood before him looking awfully proud in spite of his previous outburst, "This is what should have happened, back then. You should have never been saved, or we would both be free right now… y'know?"

Ijuuin's hand was on his shoulder, then, and he made no effort to hide. "You've done well, Arata. It's time to go."

"No!" he slapped his hand and shoved him, looking like a feral beast. "I did exactly what you said, so it's time to uphold your end of the bargain. I murdered him, the most precious thing to Takano, so he should be mine, right?! You take a special part of someone and you're bound to that person. That's what you said!"

He sighed with furrowed brows. Then he knelt down and fished through Ritsu's pocket for his phone, muttering briefly, "Pardon my reach." it still worked, and he didn't even have to phone anyone.

Takano had been calling him for some time now, without even a single clue. He accepted the call and passed the phone to Haitani, urging him quietly, "We'll put an end to this today, this decade-long wait of yours."

The words they'd exchanged were cryptic enough to provide no exclusive evidence as to what had transpired, but were effective in urging Takano to arrive quickly. In a matter of fifteen minutes, actually, when the apartment was a considerable ways away from the nearest station.

On the rooftop, Haitani awaited him, bloodied knife in hand. "You should have known from the beginning…" his body quaked with adrenaline and fear. "You would never be happy with someone you could never truly reach. Why couldn't it have been me? It's not as though you were meant to be together. You were lying!"

Takano regarded those words with minimal interest, frantically eyeing the area, heart thrumming wildly through his chest as he hoped and prayed that he could have  _just one_ miracle in his life—

—then spotted his beloved Ritsu, unconscious in a mess of his own blood.

Haitani laughed, covering one eye in a mixture of exasperation and melancholy. "Isn't that just shitty? We both wanted him. Now neither of us can have him! That's right, all that's left for us is each other, now! You, the guy that wants to kill me and me… the murderer!"

His crime brought him to his knees. What killed him was not the intense regret he felt but the knife that pierced his back and skewered his heart in one go. Ijuuin made no attempt to hide, then, as he stepped away from his slightly twitching mess.

"...I don't care if I can't return to this world, or the next." he asserted as he removed his hands from his pocket. A black, rod-like object formed in his hands, assuming the form of a large sickle. "I'm going to fucking destroy you."

"A genuine reaper's scythe… I never thought you'd actually use it," he mused, smiling with genuine interest for the first time. He splayed his arms out wide, "Come and get me, Masamune. Pretend that I'm your criminal. But Arata would feel awfully dismayed, having his work rejected like that."

"Shut the hell up!" he seethed and clenched his weapon tighter than he ever had. This weapon that killed his love would finally be put to good use. "Do you think I'm a fucking idiot. You've probably been feeding that kid weird shit since who knows when. There's no way I'm letting you get away with this, you crazy fucker!"

Blinded by rage, he leaped and took the first swing.

To battle a demon was not an easy feat, they were not creatures easily trifled with. They were often fast, evasive and clever, and Takano's human body was less than equipped to handle a fight with such a creature. As a result, he was forced to use as much power as he could possibly muster in order to compensate for the gap in their abilities.

"You're quick, but you're clumsy for a reaper. I suppose that would explain your accident." Ijuuin had fun poking at his weak spots.

Takano, on the other hand, offered no retort except for a quick blow to the side, but it seemed that the man just wouldn't die, no matter how many times he was struck. His body was practically impenetrable, enough so to withstand the blade of even his scythe. Enraged by his sudden disappearance, he turned around and swung again. Even if it couldn't slice him, it was effective in displacing him, at the very least.

"Haven't you ever wondered why a human was able to see you?" he inquired from Takano's right side, directly in his ear.

As he assaulted the spot with the shaft, Ijuuin moved, swiftly, to his left.

"You weren't the only one watching him, you know…"

"Agh!" he angrily heaved his scythe into the air and brought it fiercely into the rooftop's center, piercing it. The shock sent a striking vibration through its surface, knocking Ijuuin off his feet, briefly. Part of the scythe broke off into a sickle, at his command, and he brought it to his throat with haste.

Finally, he had the demon pinned. And once the sudden fit of paralysis left his body, he fully intended to strike him down-

" _Shit. I can't move."_ A scary setback that he could not voice.

Ijuuin was on the floor, however, and made no attempt at escaping. "It's fine if you want to end this, go ahead. I just thought you might like to know what my intentions were. But I suppose that kind of closure isn't necessary, for someone like you."

"Shut the fuck up." he commanded, gradually regaining control of his muscles. "I don't want to hear… your shitty excuses! You resurrected a human and corrupted it. I knew that there was something off about it, I just didn't think it was the work of a piece of shit like you."

"On the contrary, I did this for love, just like you. Everything that happened til now was just somebody's wish that I took it upon myself to fulfill… Or would you deny a person's cry for help?"

"You're full of shit," he spat.

"Even so… Until now, I suppose, Arata regarded me as his savior." he glanced at his unmoving body "Because he was so afraid that he would die alone, and I was the only soul in sight that could possibly understand his pain… Or have you forgotten that sin as well, 'Masamune'?"

He narrowed his eyes and pinned the sickle closer to his throat, while hating himself for wasting any curiosity on this bullshit. But to want a reason for mindless happenings like this… was perhaps the most human thing about him. "I haven't sinned the way you have."

"Of course not, but you're no saint. That's exactly what you did to Arata… And don't try to deny it. That night, ten years ago, you  _knew_ that a human had perished and yet you never bothered to show up. I wonder why that is."

He remained silent, expression unreadable as the memory of that night slipped in. Something so trivial, and yet…

"It isn't hard to lie to humans, they all believe what they want to hear. As you know, the red string will only appear to a soul once it has achieved salvation. But  _his_ lifeline was never cut… It was so easy, to convince him that he would never be loved by  _anyone._ You'd be surprised, how far a human is willing to go to get what they want. If it means that they won't die alone, it's kill or be killed. It's your own fault for getting involved."

 _So this was his plan,_ he realized as dread swelled through his body.  _I overlooked the fact that my body is human; he's going to 'devour' me. Shit…_

"Unrequited love is the best love," he let out a sigh, folded his arms behind his head as if this was some form of relaxation. "And thanks to you, I tasted it all over again. It feels so good, to watch your pathetic little triangle fall apart—"

Because he had been stupid enough to look away, a knife as plunged into his chest. Haitani had dragged his body over to Ijuuin and savaged him with as much ferocity as his exhausted, half-dead body would allow. The demon that had been so unbeatable, a moment before, succumbed to the shock of being struck down by a human.

"You made me this way… You lied to me." he accused, then his voice raised. "You lied! You forced me to kill my best… m-my best friend is dead, because of…  _Fuck,_ " he cried "Just die already!"

The unguarded demon suffered from multiple stab wounds, aching blood and writhing here and there in what appeared to be unimaginable pain. It stopped only when Haitani collapsed beside him, body running cold, and Takano could sense that he was dead a second time over. But reaping souls of the unlawfully resurrected was a tricky thing.

He'd deal with it, this time, and give Haitani proper closure. However, the first thing he did was finish the job: at his feet, once again, he gave Ijuuin no further opportunity to spread his malice, plunged his scythe directly into his torso and reaped him.

The man was unmoving and lifeless, not quite destroyed but subdued enough that the angels would have no problem casting him downward once they arrived.

He dragged himself over to Onodera, dropping to his knees beside his body as if he would die right there. To hope for a miracle was such a silly, childish thing, but it was all he had left as he cradled his lifeless body close to him.

He threaded his fingers through his hair, tried to wake him. "Onodera." Then, more desperately, shook his shoulders. "Onodera!"

Maybe it was the name, then. "Ritsu… Ritsu, wake up." he touched his cheek, brushed his lips with his fingers and wiped some blood away. It hadn't even dried yet. "Ritsu!"

He would not move, his eyes were shut as though he were sleeping. He thought back to that night, how Ritsu had fallen asleep beside him so quickly, how he'd hoped to wake up to his face that morning, which would most definitely be less affectionate but just as cute. How he had hoped to prolong their time together as far as he possibly could and pretend that he was meant to be there, beside him.

He hung onto every meal they shared, every book they discussed and read, every kiss. But there was still so much that he craved, so many ways he'd longed to hold him, touch him, talk to him. And there was only one person to blame.

"Let him live." he looked up at the sky, pleaded earnestly for the first time as he held Ritsu close. "Let him live, damnit! Fix this! I'm the one that needs to be punished; it was all my fault, he had nothing to do with this… So give him back..!"

His voice trailed off, biting back bitter tears that he hadn't shed in over a decade. Once again, threatening to mourn the loss of someone who was precious to him. "Ritsu… You heard me when I told you that I love you, right? I was the one who selfishly abandoned you, but… I beg you..."

_Don't go._

A blinding light opened up overhead, one that he would not face. His silent tears dripped across Ritsu's pale face, his eyes paying no mind to the blood that stained his clothes, or the company of several uninvited guests, circling the rooftop in a row.

One by one, perfectly aligned was a ring of several angels. More accurately, executioners; their wings vast, expansive, beautiful and almost every bit of their cross-embroidered uniform was a blinding, holy white. Their bows were aimed pointedly at the four on the roof, and Takano could not spare a single glance, could not care one bit if they were there for him.

"Ready," called one marksman, whom he'd met on one occasion. It was Mino who would sound off their orders, the valiant captain. "Aim…"

"Fire!"

—his world was overcome with a magnificently blinding light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please lower your weapons, this is not over until I have been appeased!


	12. Chapter 12

Ritsu awoke, enveloped in a strong sensation of light. The room that kept him was pale and serene, mimicking the atmosphere of an infirmary. He knew vaguely that he was lying on a bed, but could not feel his own body. And as he opened his eyes, shook the disorientation out, he realized that there was a man hovering nearby with a tray in his hands.

He recognized neither the place or the person and began to panic. "What am I doing here?! What happened… Where  _is_ this place?"

Yet his questions fell on deaf ears. The man approached his bedside, set his tray aside and from it, pulled a soft rag and dipped it in a bowl of warm water. Things like the temperature were so dull that he couldn't actually tell if the water were hot or cold; the only indication he had to gauge that sort of thing was the fact that steam was rising from the top. Knowing that he couldn't feel it scared him, gave him the impression that he was just an apparition.

"Is… Is Takano okay?" he knew this person wasn't human. There was something about him that gave him away. Desperate, he reached out to grab the man's clothes and for the first time, noticed the luminescent shackles around his wrists.

The person he grabbed looked quite troubled in spite of his smile, "I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to speak to you… And you shouldn't move around that much, your spiritual body may be unharmed but you'll exhaust yourself if you expel too much energy."

"Wait," he clung to his shirt, "Does this mean I'm dead?! And what about…"

It was fuzzy. The moments before his death were too unclear, he could only recall lying to Takano and heading somewhere else after work with dread and urgency in his head… That man knelt by his bed, smiling pitifully. "I'm truly sorry about what happened to you."

What was that supposed to mean?

Then it all came flooding back to him; tiredly climbing the stairwell to the roof, feeling constant eyes on him. Worrying as he urged Haitani from the edge and sharing his final kiss with the man as a solemn goodbye. Then there was a sharp pain in his stomach unlike anything he'd ever felt before, agonizing but overshadowed by the sinister look in his friend's eyes as he plunged it into his body  _over_ and  _over_ —

"No!" he shouted and slapped the man's hand away as he tried to apply the rag to his skin. "Where's Takano?! I can't leave him behind like this-!" but the more he tried to get out of bed, the tighter those shackles clung to his wrists, draining him. It was fleeting but he thought that just for a second, his hands had become transparent. It scared him into lying still.

"Masamune is being held elsewhere, along with your 'friend' and that demon." there was another voice, it belonged to a man standing at the door. As he walked in, he was vaguely recognized as the man that had briefly appeared in the library. Someone who was apparently acquainted with Takano, though he couldn't tell to what degree. "Thank you for your service, Mino." he said as he dismissed him.

"Y-You're that guy from the other day! Is Takano alright?! Where am-" the questions came pouring out again, but his body was behaving strangely, phasing in and out as if he were a mirage.

Yokozawa approached his bedside and shoved him down into the pillows. "If you don't rest, you'll disappear. Is that what you want?!"

"No…" he muttered timidly, feeling much like a child.

He applied the rag to his forehead uninterrupted, because frankly he was too scary to swat at. But his hands were gentle despite his stern exterior and he genuinely felt that he wouldn't be hurt, even if he was chained up like a prisoner.

Another man stuck his head in the room and knocked, although he entered regardless of an answer. "How's it going, you two!" he waved.

This person, he could not recognize. There was something about him that seemed awfully carefree, but the air around him was intimidating somehow. He couldn't quite determine the correct way to feel about this man-

"Kirishima," he was chided by the man taking care of him "You have some nerve wandering around here when you know the trial's about to begin."

In any case, it didn't seem to phase him. He waved it off and sat at the edge of his bed, irritating the other man quite a bit. "Just who do you think I am? Like I'd miss out on something this interesting! Actually, I've been meaning to meet you for quite some time now, 'Ritsu'."

Ritsu shifted uncomfortably, and couldn't bring himself to ask the questions that he so desperately wanted the answers to moments ago.

"I've been watching you ever since your case began years ago. Well, it doesn't feel like a very long time from my perspective but it does make a man impatient. After all, it isn't everyday that an anomaly like you shows up!"

He didn't particularly enjoy being called an anomaly, but it wasn't as though he was in a position to deny it.

"We have a lot more in common than you might think." he continued with a smile. "We're both fools for the ones that we love, although I can't imagine what's going through your head, having feelings for an annoying hardass…" he sighed.

Yokozawa swat his shoulder, "Hey! Don't say too much, idiot!"

In retaliation, Kirishima hugged him tight. "See what I mean? Isn't Yokozawa just the greatest!" To be honest, the shock of watching someone with such an intimidating presence be hugged like that… was a bit disturbing. Even for someone like Ritsu.

He looked away, believing that this intimate moment was something that he really shouldn't have been seeing. Kirishima was eventually shoved off, however, and Yokozawa resumed his devices, a reasonable distance away. "Quit fucking around!" then he turned towards Ritsu and peered down at him, placing a hand on his forehead.

It felt weird, and strange, the way his hand began to heat up… "This may hurt. Bear with it."

He initially thought that the sensation would be as dull and bleak as the cloth and water placed on his head. It most certainly was not.

The ache began in his head, gradually permeated throughout the rest of his body as he watched the men hover over him, watching him. The pain set in, rising in temperature until it was scorching, like fire, and he worried that his skin would melt. But his cries of agony were altogether mute and his vision wore away into white spots, until he could no longer see the room, its inhabitants, nor himself.

It felt like he hadn't moved a muscle, but when he opened his eyes his environment was entirely different. Though his shackles were removed he was still very much imprisoned by a narrow, circular cage, apparently made from the same material.

Curiously enough, he was alone in what appeared to be a grand coliseum enclosed by round roof that gave it the appeal of an auditorium. If it weren't for the ornate carvings, stained-glass windows and airy atmosphere, he might have assumed that he were in attendance of a concert. However, he was alone and there was three other cages aligned towards the north, west and southern corners of the room. They were hoisted upon platforms supported by marble columns, the sight was rather comparable to a bird cage.

It was eerie how quiet it was, but soon enough the cage to his left began to glow, enveloped in a white light until Haitani stood dumbly in the middle. His nerves seized up and he turned away.

Never before had he been so reluctant to face Haitani. But in desperation, that voice called out to him, pleading, begging. "Onodera! Please, Onodera…! Turn around. Look at me. You have to believe me, I…"

"Please don't!" he shut his eyes tightly, "I… don't want to see you right now."

He was silent thereafter, dragging himself to his knees in defeat. The third cage began to glow; it sat across from Haitani, and it was illuminated furiously for long moment. When it settled, someone he did not entirely recognize was standing there with his arms folded, his cold gaze lowered towards Haitani.

Unlike the others, he is also shackled. "I see." Ijuuin spread his wrists apart furiously; his restraints snapped. "If they think I'm going to idly await trial with mortal scum, they've got another thing coming."

When his wings expanded, it was easy to see that he was no ordinary angel. They were black as night, beautiful but gloomy when contrasted with such an icy demeanor. He tore through the top of the cage—

—or would have liked to _._ But the light seized his entire body upon even the most minute contact, rendering his attempts at flight obsolete. His wings faded out as well and the look of hatred on his face was absolutely unnerving. He looked towards Haitani accusingly, "This is your fault! I should have devoured you when I had the chance. You were useless to me."

Part of him wanted to look at Haitani, but he simply couldn't.

The last cage was overcome with that beautiful light again, entrapping its prisoner without a fight. There, just across the way, was Takano who looked positively indifferent one way or another.

He gripped the bars excitedly, making several attempts to call out to him that completely fell on deaf ears. He realized that the tighter he held the bars, the more his body faded out; the less his voice would rise. He released them.

A transient column suddenly appeared in the center, the platform was far more intricate, far more decorative than any of the other rises which beheld the cages. It was to be expected, seeing as this platform bared not a cage, but a throne and a table, and Kirishima seated on top of it. Yokozawa appeared shortly, just to his right side with a stack of papers in hand.

They were no longer alone. In puffs of elegant smoke, angels (for that was the only way in which he could categorize them, with their white wings) filed in one by one. Several circled the cages, hovering with bows pointed at the center. He had a feeling that they weren't keeping their eyes out for Kirishima.

He noticed the man that had tried to nurse him, hovering towards the top of the throne. The uniform he wore matched the clothing of the executioners, with only a few notable exceptions, such as the badges, golden crosses and rankings that adorned him. He also carried a crossbow with an intimidating amount of bolts strapped to his back.

To think that he'd slapped this man's hand… it made him rather uncomfortable.

"Good to see you're all looking well!" said Kirishima, "While the jury arrives, I should explain a few things. First of all, some of you may know this already but these cages are designed specifically to accommodate beings like you. That means any attempts at resistance are futile, so I wouldn't waste your energy."

Ritsu couldn't help but gawk. The man he'd called Yokozawa was standing by his side, silent and apparently reviewing the documents in his hand. Behind them, rows of the colosseum began to fill with prominent looking people. There weren't many, but every single one of them exuded an air of confidence.

He felt like a toy on display. Or better yet, a classroom pet.

Soon it seemed as though the 'guests of honor', the jury he presumed, had arrived and there was no further inclination to await the commencement of this 'trial', of which he knew nothing about. Kirishima began regardless, standing up tall as he addressed the cages. "Congratulations on having this opportunity to participate in one of the most anticipated holy-trials of the decade. You're all here because in some way or another, you've committed a grievous sin against humanity, morality, the spirits or all of the above."

Nobody spoke except for that man, who seemed oddly jovial in spite of his accusations.

"Fear not, the one with the ultimate decision regarding your punishment is me. But you can try to convince my loyal followers as well, since I'll consider their opinions!" he assured as if that were supposed to alleviate the tension. "Some of you have a better chance than others. But I'll cut to the chase… Because I'm sure," he addressed the audience, "that we're all aching for some sweet repentance right about now."

The crowd was silent but a few nodded their heads, others looked wary, some looked anxious. It wasn't hard to determine that nobody was particularly happy with the supposed actions of these people, who were caged in order to be judged.

Yokozawa eventually cleared his throat and stepped forward, holding the neatly stacked documents in his hands. The first cage he approached (it was then that Ritsu realized he seemed to walk on air, and was unintentionally awed) belonged to Haitani.

"Haitani, Arata." he did not look at the prisoner. "You bear the sin of resurrection. You conspired with a demon and concealed your existence from the angels for several years, then participated in the murder of another human being. This is punishable by damnation."

For the first time, he looked at Haitani although it was not his intentions. Some part of him merely wanted to know if it was true, and it was. Of course it was; his memories were far too vivid to be chalked up to a nightmare.

Unfortunately, Haitani took note of his gaze and reached out to him again. The pain in his eyes was enough to have him look away, but he couldn't block out the sound of his voice, "Onodera… I'm so sorry. Please, understand. I was tricked-!"

"Silence!" Yokozawa shot an unforgiving glare in his direction, "You will not speak out of turn in the presence of your jury, understand? Now shut your mouth."

Kirishima leaned comfortably on his arm, slipping a rather amused whistle as he observed this.

Yokozawa disappeared and reappeared by the cage that held the demon who occasionally grumbled with rage. "Ijuuin, Kyo. Your sins are demonification, resurrecting the deceased, corrupting a mortal's soul and moreover you have yet to answer to your previous crimes against us. They will not be overlooked."

The crowd murmured among themselves at this revelation. The tension here was thick and although Ritsu could not recognize Ijuuin, it was easy to see that he was a being with darkness in his heart that far surpassed the rest of them… Moreover, he seemed to have a history with Haitani. One that he knew nothing about.

"Takano, Masamune." he appeared by his cage, though Takano didn't seem bothered enough to lift his head. "Your sin is the unwarranted preservation of human life, abandoning your responsibilities as a reaper and violating the restrictions imposed on you. Additionally you will be charged with exposing the library of Alexandria to a mortal."

Those words stung; guilt overwhelmed him and he wanted to slap Takano across the face for being such an idiot. For jeopardizing his position so foolishly, because of a mortal… Even the scary man rattling off their sins seemed a little troubled by this as he walked away.

Yokozawa was standing by his own cage, then, without sparing so much as a glance in his direction. "Onodera, Ritsu. Your sin is your immunity to death. However, a number of your offences will be overlooked on account of the fact that a majority of this was out of your control." he added solemnly, "But it is unlikely that you will be allowed to return to the human world."

He turned away to return to the sidelines of the throne, setting the documents neatly across the table. Ritsu was unable to determine whether Kirishima was supposed to be some sort of king, unsure of whether that sort of hierarchy existed here at all, really. The jury convened quickly and provided a representative to hand Yokozawa several pieces of paper and then return while he transferred the paper, yet again, to Kirishima.

Ritsu eventually decided that the most accurate description of Kirishima would be that of a judge, minus any semblance of tradition.

"Okay, I've reviewed your verdicts. You guys seem pretty keen on mass execution." he decided, skimming through the last few pages. And then amended his statement, "Well, except for you Isaka. But sorry, 'undecided' is just too wishy-washy."

"I know, right?" Isaka the angel was kicked back lavishly, to the dismay of his assistant at his left who quickly urged his feet off the seat.

"Anyway." Kirishima stood and addressed the prisoners. "You'll be happy to know that I've reviewed the overall consensus and have decided that I'm scrapping it."

"Huh?!" outrage erupted from the crowd.

"That's ridiculous."

"You can't just overrule the majority decision like that!"

Those were the general outbursts tossed in his direction, but Kirishima didn't seem too bothered. He smiled, even, turned back to the crowd and offered bluntly, "Well it's just that even my daughter is more creative than that? And here I was, hoping you guys would take this seriously…"

Kirishima, the king, or perhaps the judge, jury and executioner, walked over to Haitani and reached through the bars to grab his head. He seemed frightened; and reasonably so, after hearing such troubling words thrown around casually. Haitani didn't resist, as that would be futile, but couldn't help avoiding his gaze.

"I'm going to borrow your head for a sec, kid." The palm of his head began to glow and as it hovered over Haitani's brain, appeared to cause a similar sensation in Kirishima's eyes. But it was over in no time, and the kid only seemed mildly traumatized.

"Woah!" his eyes snapped open as he stepped back, declaring proudly, "Okay, I think I've got the gist of this now."

The audience was restless and frustrated, silently murmuring curses among themselves as Kirishima pointed at Haitani. "Let's just say this kid has made some questionable decisions. But I'd say the same pretty much goes for the rest of us, so I can't fault him for that. Can't even fault him for resurrection when it comes down to it, because preventing that from happening is the jurisdiction of the reapers. Everything else was more or less a product of someone sticking their wings where they don't belong," a sly smile was thrown towards Ijuuin "which means the sentence I'll give this kid is…"

"To-be-determined!" was his conclusion, leaving Haitani rather dumbfounded and the jury unsatisfied.

"Even if you try to justify it, he murdered another human being!"

"His victim is right there, how can you say that?!"

"If it's the reaper's fault, punish him as well!"

However it didn't take much more than an unsatisfied look from Kirishima to have the room settle down. "Until I decide what should be done with him, he'll stay here and we'll eradicate his existence from the human world. Square?"

Nobody seemed very 'square' about anything. But the prevailing consensus was simply, 'Do not irritate this man', and so there was no dissent.

"Let's see." he appeared by Ijuuin briefly, only to remark "I've already got a punishment in mind for you, no need for further discussion." and leave.

He circled Takano's cage a few times, seemingly at his wit's end, thinking hard and clasping his hands together in frustration. "You've disobeyed us numerous times. A human suffered as a result of your irresponsibility and furthermore you disclosed holy information to a mortal! I'm really sick of dealing with you, you know?! You've been nothing but a thorn in my side since your arrival!"

Takano replied solemnly, "I'll accept it all."

The jury seemed amused by the sudden shift in his demeanor, Isaka whistled.

He turned away from Takano, pointed at Ritsu accusingly and demanded, "He will be in charge of your punishment!"

"...Huh?" Ritsu mumbled, half-convinced that he'd heard him incorrectly. Even if every single voice reverberated off the walls as clear as crystal, this must have been some sort of mistake.

"You heard me." he was in front of Ritsu in the next instant, smiling. "So make it a good one, okay?"

Suddenly there were a million eyes on him at once. The entire jury, the other angels, the executioners, Takano. All of them watching, waiting, listening while immersed in tense silence. He was succumbing to pressure quickly, so he closed his eyes and shut them tight, drowned out the presence of his impatient spectators and thought only of what he truly believed ought to be done with Takano.

They were not expecting him to legitimately sentence him, he realized. This was a test.

His honest feelings were simply, "...I want Takano to have a second chance."

"Overruled!" cried several audience members, followed by outbursts of "That's ludicrous!" and,

"It was stupid to entrust this decision to a human."

Things that should have been hurtful did not spite him one bit, because regardless of how effective it was in terms of punishment, it was how he felt.

Briefly feeling Kirishima's eyes scrutinizing him, he grew increasingly nervous.

"Okay, interesting." he nodded "Elaborate."

"E-Elaborate?" he looked up at the man and then immediately turned his head away. It was too hard to meet his gaze, so he merely watched the floor several feet beneath them and explained, "Well… It's just that… Takano is the type of person who's dedicated and capable. I know he's made many mistakes recently, but they were all because of me! And I strongly believe that if we had met while we were alive, things would have been different."

He realized that part of him was echoing Takano, and he couldn't help but entertain a small, timid smile as he continued, "Takano said that he commit suicide after the death of his closest friend… Don't you think that kind of person sounds more hurt than ungrateful?!"

Parts of the jury gasped, others were genuinely listening. Isaka, too, sat forward with his elbows supporting his chin as he became all the more interested.

"It's true, killing himself was the stupidest thing he could have done, but everything that happened here is because he was forced into that position! Because of the way that Takano is, I strongly believe that forcing him to live his life earnestly would be the most effective punishment. R...Regardless of whether I'm there or not."

"There's no way in hell!" the one that interrupted was Takano, gripping the bars and generating an immense amount of friction as a result. Yokozawa stepped near the cage, instinctively moving to silence him but was yanked back by Kirishima.

"T-Takano?" Ritsu had nearly forgotten he was there, felt immediately embarrassed for running his mouth and stepped back as far as the cage would allow him. "I…"

"You aren't throwing your life away for me, idiot! Are you trying to make your family cry?! What about that girl, An. Damnit! Get your head out of your ass; do you understand how valuable your life is?"

This time he retorted in utter frustration, "Your life is important, too! Besides, you've said it yourself: don't get too attached to this world. How do you think I felt while I was dying over and over again, Takano?! I haven't belonged in the human world in years!"

"That's my own fault. Quit trying to martyr yourself for someone that doesn't want to be saved. Get it through your thick head…" he took a deep breath in order to shout, loudly. "There's no point in living if you aren't there! So just keep living, get hitched and give yourself a family someday. Don't throw it all away for someone like me!"

"Y-You…!" he was struggling to bite back his frustration, the only thing preventing him from entering a fully fledged screaming match was the looming presence of the 'higher-ups', who were possibly irritated.

"Okay, I've heard enough." decided Kirishima "I know what to do with you now… Takano." he turned towards him, reduced the distance between himself and the cage until he was practically face to face with the bars. "It's as he said, as a reaper, you're no good. You've caused nothing but trouble for me since you arrived and as a result, things in the human world are falling apart left and right! Geez…"

"Kirishima." Takano was already pissed, therefore slightly less inclined to hear his bitching "You can't be fucking serious!"

"Looks like you're heading back to the human world, Takano." he crossed his arms. He smiled, still, but the look in his eyes practically dared him to refute him.

He wanted to, very much wanted to. If his existence were the only one on the line, he very much would have, but such was not the case and he wanted to strangle Onodera. All he could manage was an outraged "Hah?!"

"Isaka himself told me that you were one of his most efficient workers, back when you were sentenced to guarding the library. It would be a shame if the human world were to miss out on such a worker… Besides, between you and me." he leaned in and lowered his voice "Yokozawa's been upset ever since then, because you threw away the vision he had for you. So why don't we good-for-nothings try to make him happy, for once."

The jury was wailing, arguing among themselves and whining like brats. It seemed that nobody was truly satisfied with this decision; couldn't understand it as anything more than another one of Kirishima's impulsive decisions.

"This will come back to haunt you!" insisted one.

"He can't be trusted."

"He must be eliminated, he is the cause of all this!"

"On the contrary," Kirishima drew closer to Ijuuin's cage, "your culprit is this guy. If anyone's to be blamed for the murder, it's him. In fact, I'd go as far to say that none of this would have happened in the first place if not for  _his_ interference, right?"

He turned towards Ijuuin, everyone did. The angel had been generally silent up til now, showing no interest whatsoever in the punishments attributed to his pawn, his victim, the reaper. For a long moment, he wore an impartial expression.

Until he relented with a sigh, "You're correct. I was the cause of all this."

Some of them seemed surprised, othered shifted immediately into blame. Kirishima urged him to continue. "And why don't you elaborate on that, Ijuuin."

"I'm the one that cursed the human with the ability to see the reaper."

"Right!" he stepped away proudly, "There you have it. Takano, the super-capable worker, would not have saved just any human's life. Ijuuin knew from the beginning that they were bound to one another and orchestrated the whole situation. Go on, tell us what happened next!"

He wasn't keen on the mockery, but could do little else but comply. "I resurrected Arata, used him as not only a tool but a fool to manipulate and feed off of. His vulnerabilities sustained me, in return I convinced him to murder his friend… I wanted  _all_ of them to suffer."

"Your honesty is truly admirable," he walked away from the cage "Well, that's fine though. Like I said, I know how to punish you… There you have it, Ritsu." he knelt by him, "Now you know who caused all of this. So, are you angry?"

Anger wasn't the right word for it. He was more relieved than anything, to find out that Takano wasn't to blame for his hell on earth, but to know that he'd gone a decade of his life without so much as suspecting that his friend was suffering… made him nauseous

"I… just want to apologize to Haitani-"

"As for your punishment," Kirishima cut him off "You will never be able to return to the human world… Sorry."

His throat seized up. He'd known that would be the case, but even so. To know that he was dead for good… it certainly didn't feel as great as he thought it would. A weight should have been lifted off his shoulder. He should be appeared, knowing Takano would stay among the living and live his life happily, and yet-

"That's right. As punishment for knowing too much, you'll be forced to retain all of your memories, everything you've accumulated 'til now, while attempting to live your life normally."

The jury was positively bursting with indignation.

"You'll have us all exposed!"

"Execute him now!"

"He's a mortal. To know of our existence is a sin, treat it as such!"

As he turned around, they fell silent. "Believe me when I say that this punishment may very well be the most unforgiving, far exceeding execution… After all," he returned to Ritsu "I'm not sure that you're completely aware of what that entails."

Ritsu looked puzzled, shook his head and stayed quiet.

"Yes, you'll have all of your memories. The accident, every moment afterwards and every single encounter you've had with your loved one. However… Mino," he called out to the man, who flew to his side, bow in hand. "A demonstration, if you don't mind."

"Not at all, sir…" He poised his bow and fired its golden arrow at an unoccupied pillar; it erupted into glistening rubble in moments, writhing in the aftershock of the light's unforgiving pierce. He explained, "This type of bow is a standard distributed to all of my subordinates… They are used for execution. Those who are eliminated with this arrow are not supposed to return to the human world; it's unprecedented." his smile was soft, and somewhat sad.

Kirishima elaborated, "He's trying to say that he executed your lover boy. There's no telling what kind of man he'll become once we've fitted him with artificial life, do you understand that? Are you strong enough to coexist in a universe where the love of your life may not even know your name?"

Ritsu considered it but it was hard to imagine. But whether he did or didn't, was not his priority.

"If Takano will be given a second chance, then… That's enough."

"You  _idiot_ -" Takano was livid, but defeated.

"Looks like that's the end, everybody!" he turned towards the crowd, who seemed to be experiencing multiple stages of shock. Though he did receive a standing ovation from Isaka.

"That was awfully lenient of you." said Yokozawa, now that he and Kirishima were the only two who remained in that court room, which seemed significantly emptier given the lack of spectators and prisoners. "It's unlike you."

"Lenient?" he laughed, stretching and yawning offhandedly. "No… Everyday I find myself growing closer and closer to becoming a demon."

"That isn't something to joke about." he snapped as he organized the papers.

"Aw, did I make you mad?" he wrapped his arms around him, but was quickly swatted away. Though he laughed, the look in his eyes was unreadable. "Ha… Try to imagine a reality in which you're this close to the one you love, but you're strangers. You've retained every single cherished memory, and yet…" he walked away "Because they aren't the same person, they can turn their back on you like this. That kind of reality is going to be far harder to grasp than our existence."

Yokozawa considered it, and things clicked. "I see… In any case, we can't be sure that he'll forget Onodera forever."

"Well, we can't be sure that he won't." he shrugged "You can try to hide it, but you've been looking happier since the trial. Wonder what made you so happy."

"Don't be sly," he chided. In starch contradiction to his tone, he hugged Kirishima close and kissed him.

As they pulled away from one another, he reveled in smug satisfaction, "What was that for?"

"...You know I can't thank you enough for giving Masamune a second chance."

He groaned, "Well, if you'll smile again, then bending the rules a little is worth it… Even for a guy like that."

Ritsu sat up tiredly, realizing first that his shackles were gone, and secondly that he was alone. He wondered if the others had been set free as well… Though, he suspected that roaming around wouldn't do him much good.

The door burst open and he was tackled to the bed. He was scared, at first, until that familiar warmth permeated throughout his body and he was unmistakably drawn to Takano's everything. "T-Takano," he wanted to apologize. But the words wouldn't get out.

Perhaps because he wasn't truly sorry.

"Don't let go." he commanded and they held each other tightly. Takano was threading his fingers through his hair, stroking his skin, kissing his neck as if it would keep them there forever.

Ritsu had to marvel at how he struggled to feel hot water, in this spiritualistic body, yet he felt Takano. His texture, his temperature, his body heat. It made him feel alive, and he wondered when, just how quickly he'd be able to feel that again.

He squirmed once a hand slid up his shirt "W-We can't do this here!" feeling his face brighten up in embarrassment.

"I want to savor it while I still can," he argued "Not sure what's going to happen to me down there."

Ritsu wasn't sure, either. And it was scary to think about. He tightened his hold around his neck and clung to him, wishing shamelessly he'd like Takano to hold him again soon.

"Ritsu." he traced his thumb across his cheek and looked him in the eye, "No matter what I become or who I am… Even the broken parts of me will never stop loving you."

They shared a kiss, Takano deepened it just a bit while he pulled him into his lap. Then added assuredly, "All you have to do is wait for me. And once I return, we can share a meal again… As proper lovers."

The anticipation nearly brought tears to his eyes, but he refrained; determined to focus solely on the happiness that the current Takano brought him. Still, he buried his head in his neck and allowed this moment of vulnerability for his sake. Just to be honest with him for once, for the last time before everything changed. "...I love you."

"It's time to go." Yokozawa informed them as he entered the room, followed shortly by Kirishima.

The two separated, Takano helped him off his lap and they rose to their feet. He approached Yokozawa and took his hand in order to formally shake it, while part of him distressed over whether he had the right to do so in the first place.

Yokozawa was having none of it, however. He grabbed Takano and pulled him into a tight hug, which they shared for a good moment before he was released.

He looked up at his old friend and stated confidently "...This time I'll make you proud, so take good care of Kirishima while I'm gone."

"I hope I don't have to see your face again for a very long time." he chided, clasping a hand over his shoulder proudly.

Kirishima added, holding onto Yokozawa, "That's right. Go and get out of my hair for a while!

He nodded, then turned back to Ritsu in order to kiss him one last time. They didn't separate much. Their foreheads were pressed together slightly and Takano cupped his face, whispering another "I love you", as his body began to deteriorate into brilliant, golden light.

This was the essence of his resurrection, supposed Ritsu. It was the beginning of his second chance and as proud as he was, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I love you too."

"Don't cry." he brushed a tear away from his eye with a soft smile, "I'll see you on the other side."

"...I know." he smiled back,

watched Takano fade away until he was gone

and then crumpled to his knees. His body was being overcome by the light as well, and he knew it was only a matter of time, thought to himself that he couldn't wait to see the kind of person that Takano would become.

"I think he'd make amazing books." Kirishima decided, "Don't you, Yokozawa?"

He had nothing to say as he too was biting back his own tears of relief.

Kirishima waved him off as the light had nearly enveloped his entire body by now, bidding farewell with a promise. "We'll definitely be looking out for you. You'll see!"

As he disappeared, he couldn't help but agree with Kirishima. Takano would definitely be the type to produce great books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. 
> 
> ...Just kidding. We've still got one more chapter to go, folks!


	13. Chapter 13

An was by his side when he awoke. The feeling was so reminiscent that he almost believed he was dreaming, but the pain he felt upon trying to sit up was vastly different. Back then, he'd felt drained in every regard, like he was only alive by a sliver of luck. Now he just felt an unpleasant sharpness in his chest and stomach, causing him to wince as though the blade were still in there.

"Ritsu!" she hugged him tight but avoided his torso. "Are you alright?! We were so worried!"

He hugged her tentatively, his gaze gravitating towards the window. "Uh…"

Ritsu was unsure of where to begin. What he could explain, what she knew-

"Please, don't be so reckless in the future! You gave us a heart attack. Your mother was in tears!"

"...Where is..?" he looked around absently.

"Who?" she grabbed his shoulders and looked him in the eyes, "Was somebody else with you? Ritsu, if that's the case then we should report it to the police immediately!"

"Wait…" he grabbed his head. It'd begun spinning. "Just, slow down a little, okay? What exactly is going on…"

"You… don't remember?" she stepped back, looking quite worried. "Well… I suppose you did experience a lot of stress… That sort of thing is normal." then proceeded reluctantly to explain "You were attacked on your way home from work! Somebody found you on the sidewalk, and you were bleeding! A-Alot… We thought…"

Her shaken demeanor gave him the impression that it was, perhaps, best not to bring it up too much. Though he was surprised; he couldn't imagine his mother crying over this. "You said… mom and dad were here?"

She nodded "They wouldn't leave until they knew that you were going to survive."

That was thoughtful in its own way, he supposed. "Oh… Well, I'm fine. Thank you, An, for being here, but… how long has it been?"

"Only two days."

"Two days?! An, go home and get some rest! I'm fine, really!" he pleaded.

She merely shook her head, "I've been going home at night, but spending the day here is the least I can do, isn't it? You may not be my fiancee anymore, but you're still my childhood friend!"

The way she spoke embarrassed him, but he supposed that it wasn't her fault. With a sigh, he laid back down. "I guess so, but still… You should be consoling my mother right now."

"I know." she folded her hands together timidly "I just wanted to spend a little more time here to make sure that you would wake up… I know your parents mean well, but I think that waking up to the people that care about you is very important, even if you are an adult."

He briefly wondered if she was an angel, too.

The door opened up and a man in a long, white coat stepped in. The doctor apparently. "We've been waiting for you to wake up, sir. You gave your girlfriend quite the scare. But it seems as though you've got a decent track record in terms of your recovery, according to your medical history." he flipped over the first three pages of a clipboard he was holding.

He became flustered quite quickly, "Girlfriend? No, uh-"

"I-I'll go get some tea, Ritsu!" An waved and ran off at the expense of a nurse who nearly dropped her tray of medical instruments.

"It says here," continued the doctor "that you managed to survive a collision with a semi-truck when you were young. Your heart even stopped beating for two, whole minutes. That's quite a feat."

He thought back to it and the memory ached a bit. He wondered how different his life would have been if that had never happened. "...It was scary," was the only way he knew to describe it at this point.

"I'm sure it was." he flipped his papers back to the first page and jotted something down. "You're a lucky guy. Most accidents of that caliber are often tragic. You must have someone 'up there' looking out for you!" he laughed.

"...I guess so." he looked towards the window again, thinking it rather bittersweet that he was alive. And so was  _he,_ yet they were no closer to one another now than they had been at the very beginning. When they were just strangers who happened to cross paths at the most unfortunate time.

An returned with two cans of teas, springing towards him quite happily. "I'm back! Ah-" she nearly dropped what she was holding. "A-Are you okay?!"

He looked up at her, realizing at once that his eyes had begun to water. "Huh?! Oh…! I, ah…"

Her worried expression brought him back to reality. Now was neither the time nor place to mourn anything, and so he conceded with a slightly forced smile as his tears slid down his face calmly, "I'm fine. There's no need to worry…. Thank you."

Recovery was slightly less strenuous, perhaps because only one part of his body had suffered this time and the cuts weren't all that deep in the end. Only the initial stab was intended to kill him apparently. But it was no less tedious to be hospitalized for the following weeks; by the time he was released, spring was practically over and the heat was beginning to rise.

By then, he fostered an insatiable curiosity. He'd known that the gap between what had really happened to him and what the doctors knew was wide, but found it odd that he'd never heard a single word about Haitani.

Furthermore, his first day of freedom made him nervous. Too unwilling to return home because he knew he'd be alone, even if that was something that his brain would not accept. So he relented to travel, although it was a bit out of his way, to Haitani's apartment.

The first thing he noticed was the fact that his nameplate was gone, and the door was unlocked. It didn't seem as though he was intruding so he invited himself in and looked around.

The place should have given him an unpleasant memory, but now it all seemed so far away that his body wouldn't even bother to quake. The place was dim, difficult to navigate in the darkness on account of the lack of electricity but most troublingly, it was empty. Void of any sort of furniture, curtains, so on.

He entered the bedroom, perhaps in hopes that there was something left behind, one small indication of the time he lived here, perhaps a clue as to when he'd moved.

The only thing he could find was strewn haphazardly on the ground, like it was forgotten in a rush. The glass was cracked, but it was a framed picture of himself standing with Haitani's arm over his shoulder and a smile on both of their young faces.

It begged the question of just how long Haitani had been tormented, how long he'd been faking that smile for his sake. It was heavy enough to momentarily bring him to his knees, clutching the picture tightly with a remorseful sentiment that he prayed would be relayed to his friend somehow.

"I'm sorry for being selfish…" he watched his face, which was frozen in time "I'm sorry for never noticing that you were in pain."

He decided to bring the picture home with him.

A summer passed.

Nao had forced him out of his house in order to partake in an end-of-the-season celebration with he and a few others from the company, but he wasn't one to socialize. Needless to say, he was quite stiff.

His shoulders were shaken, Nao was persistently trying to get him to finish his drink. "You need to get into the spirit, Ritsu! Fall only comes once a year."

"The seasons change four times a year," he retorted, but Nao merely brushed it off with a hand on his shoulder.

"That basically means there are four more holidays. Have fun, you've been such a downer lately! Are you still hung up on the fact that you got transferred again…?"

"No!" Now he was "I mean- It can't be helped, but…" he sighed "It's so frustrating! I can't work with anyone longer than two months before my dad gets accused of nepotism. This is the second time in one year that this has happened!"

"In their defense," he offered carefully "you  _were_ out of commission for a pretty long time. Even if it was only a few weeks, authors don't have that kind of-" he shut his mouth after receiving a look from Ritsu that was, to say the least, unimpressed.

"A-Anyway!" he wisely changed the subject and brought a mug of beer up to his lips "Drink, Ritsu, drink! Even if you don't get hammered, just a little buzz is fine, okay? It'll take the stress off, I promise."

He doubted it, but complied with a small and unwilling sip.

Honestly. He'd been avoiding these types of 'parties' because he was too worried about what he would say if he were to get drunk. Though it didn't seem as though he were being watched, he didn't want to think about what kind of angelic hell he'd leash upon himself if he let something about his true experiences slip.

Furthermore, he knew himself too well; the minute he resigned himself to drinking, he'd spill over about the man he wanted to see so badly. Whom he hadn't caught so much of a glimpse of throughout the past few months and longed for with his body and heart in spite of himself.

An didn't remember him, he realized. It'd come up when he'd mentioned it to her, but her response was very blatantly confused. "A man, at your house? I don't remember anything like that… Unless you're referring to your father. He helped you move in, I'm sure."

He didn't mention it again after that. Not to An, not to Nao, not to Saeki or anyone else for that matter.

Though, Nao had come the closest to suspecting that something was wrong.

When forcing him to drink was hopeless, he gathered their belongings and bid their coworkers goodbye, "See ya Monday! This guy's already tipsy so I'm taking him home."

It wasn't the truth but Onodera did not correct him even if the notion of being drunk after one glass was pitiful. He did not have much to say about his reluctance except that he was simply uninterested.

On the train, Nao prodded him. "Does it have something to do with your friend that you haven't seen in a long time?"

"... _Which one?"_ he was tempted to ask, but nodded instead.

"Right… You must have really been close." he placed a hand on his head and ruffled it slightly, "Well, in the meantime you should focus on making new friends. But I understand if this is something you can't cope with overnight."

Ritsu was leaning on his shoulder slightly. Not necessarily by choice; it's just that Nao had taken it upon himself to hold him. This was probably intended to console him, however…

"Y'know. The way you talk about it. It's almost like you guys were dating or something-" he laughed, then looked at Ritsu to make sure he was laughing, too.

Rather, he was wearing an expression that unmistakably read, " _Fuck."_

The joke was no longer funny. He removed his arm and rose from his seat, rubbing the back of his head nervously as he ushered his friend off the train. "Looks like this is your stop, right? I'll just make sure you get settled in for the night and then head home! Don't worry about my shitty sense of humor by the way. I just…"

Ritsu walked ahead of him thereafter, essentially forcing the two into a bit of awkward silence until they reached the door.

He stepped inside and Nao followed, pulling his shoes off and opening the entryway up for his slightly sullen friend. "I'm sorry I forced you to come."

"It's okay, Nao. It's not your fault." his smile was slight and though he tried immediately to head for his room, Nao grabbed his wrist.

"You should sit down. I'll make dinner, so just wait there."

It wasn't Nao's fault. He didn't realize how familiar and painful those words were.

"Nao, you really don't have to do that..!" he insisted, but was brushed off when he tried to stop him.

"You're probably not taking care of your diet, right? You know they say the state of your house reflects your state of mind. And based on that, I'd say…" he concluded as he stared at a pile of old instant-noodle cups and convenient store bags that formed a rather intimidating mountain "You're a mess."

"I… It's because I've been so busy at work!" which was only somewhat a lie.

Nao pushed him until he had no choice but to sit down on the couch (after brushing a bit of junk off). "Yeah, I don't think so. And I'm not leaving until we get one decent meal in you, so you'd better suck it up!" he insisted as he headed back into the kitchen, to make due with what little they had.

Which wasn't much. In the end, what Nao was able to produce was a mere plate of rice with a poached egg, but it was better than nothing. He brought it to Ritsu with a big smile on his face, feeling rather tragically like a maid as he waded through the garbage he intended to attend to later. "All done! Here ya…"

"Are you okay?" he asked as he set the plate aside and knelt down, but Ritsu was hiding his face.

He refused to look up, though he tried to nod as if it would help. It didn't though, and Nao hugged him tightly with an apology. "Sorry, Ritsu. It was insensitive of me to barge in here like this."

It was a shock to both of them when Ritsu returned the embrace, and it left Nao feeling as though he was in a rather dangerous position. But if his friend wanted to mourn for a while, he would lend him his shoulder as long as he needed it, without asking unnecessary questions.

When he awoke, he was tucked in bed and Nao was gone. There was a note on his end table next to Haitani's photograph, it apologized for his pushy behavior and wished him the best of luck.

As he dragged himself out of bed, he wondered how he was supposed to go about his Saturday morning now. There was a considerable lack of motivation in his heart as he hobbled across his apartment to find the food that his stomach was craving. It'd been neatly wrapped in plastic and set in the fridge, along with a second note that discouraged any further hoarding of energy drinks and bars.

His doorbell rang, shaking him out of his momentary stupor (as he wondered what he could have possibly activated in Nao, to incite such maternal instincts from him). Figuring it was Nao again, he made his way there with an apology prepared beforehand. But when he opened the door, it was not Nao, but in fact—

—absolutely nobody.

" _Was this just a prank?"_ he wondered as he peeked outside, but no such children lived on this floor from what he could tell. But it wasn't unheard of for kids to run around unsupervised, these days.

Though it certainly didn't feel like the whims of a child. And something caught his eye, by chance.

On the floor, a letter was slipped precariously beneath the door and abandoned, there were no such stamps or an address that indicated anything about the sender. He was wary for a while, wondering if it was really safe to open a letter like this-

When he opened it, it was essentially blank with the exception of an address printed at the very bottom and a message that read, " _We hope to see you Monday."_

"This is just weird." he decided. He brought it inside, in spite of his strong inclination to ignore it and set it aside on the counter. He thought to call  _someone_ about any suspicious figures about the complex, but realized quickly that no one would be of much service. And in the event that this  _was_ supernatural phenomena…

He thought it best to keep it to himself and shut the door. As he walked away…

The doorbell rang again. Infuriated, he threw it open and—

—nearly face-planted onto the floor of a conference room.

" _This...is definitely a dream!"_ he rationalized, but it was most definitely not and when he turned around his front door was gone.

It was just a regular old office building, nothing was unusual about it and that was perhaps the most concerning thing. He could only vaguely tell that he was still in the world of the living… of course he was. He was still alive.

And he was alone for a good ten minutes, trying vainly to pry the door open which simply wouldn't budge, until another figure stepped inside. One he only barely recognized as an attendee at the trial; they'd never even spoken a word.

Still, he could tell that this could get dangerous any time, so he stepped back several feet. "Wh-Who are you?! And where is this place!"

"Thanks for holding the door, Mino." the man was wearing a grey suit with the first three buttons undone, and a loose tie. He didn't look too intimidating but the man following him looked much less relaxed.

Furthermore, he hadn't noticed anyone standing by the door until he'd pointed him out.

_Has he been here the whole time? No, I would have noticed!_

"Sorry about the surprise, but we've received new orders from the higher ups. We brought you here so we could explain things to you without being interrupted, I hope you understand." there was a big, satisfied smile on his face. "I'm Isaka, nice to meet you!"

They shook hands briefly, but Ritsu felt immediately that he couldn't keep up with such an eccentric man.

"This man," he gestured towards the man at the door, who was also smiling. "Mino, though I'm sure you've met, offered to come along as backup in case things got 'messy', but they didn't! Isn't that great?"

"So...great." he was utterly dumbstruck.

The straight-laced man beside him cleared his throat, "Isaka means to say that Mino will be acting as a guardian until it can be ensured that you won't divulge any information that could be potentially harmful to the angels, I am here as well to ensure that Isaka is doing his job. Please accept your forged letter of resignation, the transfer request that was filed in your name and your schedule for your new job."

There were many red flags in that statement. So much so that he wasn't quite sure where to begin. "R-Resignation?! Wait, you forged  _what?_ "

"What? That sounds so mean, Asahina!" Isaka waved it off, and returned his attention to the stammering idiot "Don't sweat the small stuff, it sounds just like you. Besides, these are letters to your daddy, right? We figured these things were easier to fake than a phone call. Which you might be receiving very soon, actually, so be sure to remain calm when that happens!"

Mino was no longer stalking the door, and though neither Asahina nor Isaka looked very different in appearance (with the exception of their collective lack of wings), he looked rather like a different person in casual clothing. Like any other man, though far less intimidating without his uniform… or crossbow.

"I'm glad to see you're doing well." he offered his hand and they shook, "I hope this isn't too overwhelming for you. And if it makes you feel better, we'll be working in the same building! So we can sweat with the humans together, alright?"

As soon as he let go, Asahina took his hand and shook it, too. "Starting Monday, Isaka will be your boss. Everything you need to know is in the papers I've given you," he said as he forced the stack into his unprepared arms "Our numbers have already been input into your phone. We have your address on file and retain a heightened sense of smell, so please refrain from trying to run. If you alert anyone of what has been done, you will be termin-"

"Haha, always a stickler for rules, Asahina!" Isaka cut in and grabbed Ritsu's shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm a great boss. And since your constitution is so weak, we'll start you off with an entry-level position, alright? I wouldn't hospitalize such a valuable newbie! And you won't be working too far from home, either. So… have fun!"

"Have… what?" he asked again, not fully convinced that he was awake.

He felt like he was being led around by the nose; these people were just teasing him. This was a prank, obviously. He was being punked.

"Just remember," he continued, "talking about our existence is a serious no-no. So don't say anything that could tip someone off, alright? Not one word!"

Something dawned on him, suddenly, and he grabbed Isaka's suit tightly. "W-Wait! Mr. Isaka, was Takano sent back to the human world with me?!"

Silence briefly overcame the three of them, but none looked more confused than Isaka. Then he smiled, pinched his cheeks and said happily, "You're so cute!"

He felt stupid. As he dejectedly made his way towards the door, his arm was grabbed. Though he didn't turn to look, he knew Isaka was holding him. "Oh, we didn't just come here to tease you, though. I actually brought a present for you! Uh, humans really shouldn't have something like this though, so you definitely won't be getting another one."

He turned around if only because he was curious.

"Place your hands out!"

He did, not because he wanted the gift but because he wanted to leave immediately. And get this over with.

"Close your eyes, too."

 _Can you just-_ he closed his eyes and waited patiently, half expecting to be made a fool of again.

Yet he felt a slight weight in his hands and thought that its texture was awfully smooth… he opened his eyes.

It was a rock.

Isaka was laughing like a child and Asahina looked… less than amused.

He, too, was less-than-amused and wanted to throw it just to see if it'd  _hit_ but refrained and clenched it tightly.

"Put it in a safe place, okay?! It comes from our very own shore!"

He didn't care. He opened the door (now that it would budge) and made his way out, surprised to find his apartment on the other side of it again. He stormed into his living room after shutting and locking both the front door and the entryway, then fell onto his bed in defeat. The stone was still in his hand, though he wanted to smash it.

Moreover, when he read what was engraved into its body, he wanted to cry. Couldn't decide if this was some kind of joke, or perhaps pity.

Nonetheless, he found the idea of holing himself up in his room for the weekend to be appealing, regardless of what Nao said.

Nothing ever seems to go as smoothly as one would wish it, though. For every pure intention there is always some formidable force lurking nearby to stifle it. In this case, it was his forsaken lack of food and his rumbling stomach that dragged him out of the house at noon the next evening, though he was strongly convinced that he'd spend no longer than the amount of time absolutely necessary to be outside and then rush home.

While he spent his weekend in pathetic remorse, he realized that he  _was_ being punished, after all. When Kirishima had said that he could never return to the human world, he wasn't kidding.

How could he return, when he was being shadowed by angels? And living with the knowledge that there were people all around him that he couldn't see. And rewritten truths, and lies that people had accepted without an issue simply because it was commanded.

It was scary. It sent a shiver down his spine every once in awhile, to think of how drastically his life could be altered by the whims of some unseen entity.

However, his most prominent issue was getting food into his stomach. Even if he had to be bombarded by a cashier's incessant questions.

No, there was nothing more important to him, at that moment, than skimming through life until he found a reason to rejoice his miraculous survival.

Not to say that he was unappreciative; it just so happened that out there, there was someone he was missing dearly. Who may or may not have a girlfriend, a wife, kids. May not even know he existed.

" _It hurts."_ he clutched his chest, the unspoken possibilities unwittingly causing real, physical pain that caused him to stop in the middle of the sidewalk. But he was receiving odd looks and shoulder-shoves from people who were less than interested in whatever compelled him to hold up pedestrian traffic, so he continued on.

The convenient store wasn't far, he'd be chewed out by Nao later. It was one block away and the only thing that separated him from his destination thereafter was a crosswalk packed with people and cars that would occasionally honk at those who lagged.

He crossed the road passively, found it rather easy to sync with the flow of people and felt very much like a face in the crowd. A face in the crowd.

A face in the crowd, he noticed very easily, so much so that he nearly snapped his neck trying to get a good luck. It was  _there,_ fleeting and walking a path divergent to his crowd that moved along quickly, but very much there.  _He_ was there. Just a face in the crowd that passed him by, uninterested in the honking of the cars or the commotion that followed as Ritsu desperately tried to maneuver past the people that were in his way. For once feeling as though he had an actual destination.

He'd passed the stone off as a joke, disregarded it and had probably dropped it on his floor at some point but now his approach to its message was entirely different. It wasn't just a dumb phrase, it was what he'd been longing to hear since he was awoke in the hospital.

That man, with his black hair, handsome complexion and earphones keeping him in tune with his music, was unmistakably Takano. He could not deny the resemblance, nor the coincidence, nor could he pass off the persistence of his rapidly beating heart.

He thought back to the stone.

It was not a cruel joke, but a well-intended promise. He'd have to wait a little longer, as the crowd that shoved him around so impatiently urged them further and further apart, but he would endure their momentary separation so long as the possibility remained.

" _Reunion will come."_

After all, he wasn't the only one with a promise to fulfill.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, it's over already?! 
> 
> Hm, well I promised an extra so I will deliver an extra. I wonder what you all could possibly be wanting to see, though... .


	14. Takano - Pt. 1

Like any other Monday, he'd dragged himself to work subsisting only off of the promise of a paycheck and his irrefutable passion for the craft. And as honorable as that sounded, it didn't help to sugarcoat the sore reality that he'd probably kill anyone in close proximity this early in the morning.

Needless to say, he treated himself to a second cup of coffee. At six in the morning, his team had yet to arrive but the editor-in-chief was never so fortunate to have the luxury of sleeping in. The trade off was that he was given ample space and extra time to revel in the peace and quiet.

So why, on earth, was an assistant on his floor? And what genius decided to make copy machines so loud.

He passed a long, hard glare over to the back of the assistant's neck but his stupid back was turned. He was prepared to burn a hole in that brown hair of his;  _the little brat-_

"Takano! Bright and early as usual, I see." sang Isaka with a cup of coffee in hand that was most likely twice as caffeinated. "I've got good news for ya, the printers heard your proposal for additional prints of Sumi's work and delivered! Oh, but they're sending someone over today to-"

Takano was in the process of overfilling his mug, while staring rather aggressively across the room.

Isaka's curious eyes darted back and forth between the assistant and his acclaimed editor, before settling on the poor mug. With a smile he insisted, "Oh, so you're trying to meet the newbie! I get it. Well, all you had to do was ask."

Before Takano could vehemently deny these allegations, he had already turned towards the poor sap at the machine (who had long since finished, and was merely collecting his papers) to shout "Hey Coattails, get over here!"

He turned around looking as though he'd been caught in Isaka's headlights, and most likely had been. Nonetheless, he walked over and asked, "Uh… is something wrong, sir?"

"You've met Takano, right?" he gestured towards the man who very blatantly did not want to be a part of this conversation.

In terms of his professionalism, however, he ought to have won an oscar because his disdain was not quite as outright as he would have liked it to be.

When 'Coattails' didn't even look at him, he came quite close to slipping a curse.

"I...I'm afraid not." was his uncomfortable reply as his gaze stayed on Isaka.

"You know," Takano began after a necessary sip of coffee (or more accurately, his patience juice) "It's polite to look someone in the eye when you're being introduced."

He didn't miss the spiteful frown that crossed his face, nor the hint of resentment that lingered when he faced him and bowed with his business card out. "My name is Onodera Ritsu… Please take care of me!"

Isaka, who apparently found this quite amusing, hooked his arm around Onodera's shoulders once he'd finished his proper introduction and laughed. "So polite, just like a newbie! Oh, feel free to order him around as much as you'd like. He's just getting a feel of the workplace for now but sooner or later, you might end up being his boss!"

The notion awakens a slightly sadistic tendency within him, somewhere deep down under that soulless husk of his. He folded his arms and ordered straightforwardly, "Cut the shit with the copy machine. It's six in the morning."

While anyone else would have shrank in this awkward tundra, Isaka laughed louder, patting Ritsu who was evidently taken aback. "That Takano, always the charmer!"

He proceeded to cover his mouth and whisper something in the newbie's ear that he didn't care enough to overhear. Whatever it was had the boy blushing like an idiot and for some reason, it infuriated him.

_Go act like a fucking couple somewhere else._

At the very least, the newbie had no further business there and left. But Isaka lingered in order to confirm that his author would be receiving the new prints that he'd ordered… at the expense of an unexpected visit from the printers this afternoon.

It bettered his mood, but only slightly.

Weeks passed and he'd grown thoroughly accustomed to abusing the assistant, who was often seen running back and forth between the departments on different errands all day. He, too, had been using his subordination to his utmost convenience, and at present had just (admittingly) sent the guy on a wild goose chase for documents that he already had.

It was just a cute prank, really. Spurned by a bit of unprovoked hatred and such.

"That was so mean, Takano!" Kisa pointed out, though he was merely thankful that he was no longer on the receiving end of these tricks "You always pick on him. Did he do something wrong?"

"I'm just teaching the newbie a lesson about naivety, is all." he didn't take his eyes off of the manuscript he was editing.

"Wasn't yesterday's lesson 'patience is a virtue'?" asked Mino.

"Oh, when he sent Rittie on a last-minute lunch run during rush hour? What about last week, when he taught him a lesson about brevity by giving him a  _really_ vague list of-"

"Get back to work." he snapped, "If you have time to chitchat then you have time to finish your manuscripts. Kisa, yours is the furthest behind."

"Aw, really?!" he set to work at a much quicker pace.

Mino, on the other hand, seemed to be plenty contented with his situation and felt that he'd plenty of time to ask, "So, how's the relocation going, Takano?"

"Stuck with my lease for a few more months." was his dissatisfied reply.

"Hey, when Takano finds a place closer to work, do you think his heart will thaw out?"

Mino conceded, "I don't know, Kisa. They say that every time Takano smiles, an intern is fired."

"I'm about to grin."

Kisa and Mino dutifully returned to their work.

It wasn't as though he ever tried to listen to the incessant chatter of the other employees, it was just that they often spoke too loudly and in public areas without reserve. In this case, as he waited impatiently for the microwave to heat his leftover dinner, the people in the lunchroom were feeling particularly chatty.

They'd mentioned the naive assistant and the conversation revolved around him like he was the damn sun. In spite of his valiant efforts to tune them out, he caught a bit of information that infuriated him.

Essentially, it appeared that Onodera Ritsu, 'Coattails' as Isaka had called him, had landed his position at Marukawa via a mere phone call to his father. Though, he had to wonder why he'd accept an entry-level position if he could have easily slid into any one of the higher departments. Hell, he could probably fancy himself at a position on par with Isaka's if he wanted it. So why settle for less?

_Still. It must be nice to depend on your family for shit like this._

Well, that was just his bitter self speaking. But he wasn't the only one irritated. The conversation went on to berate his silver spoon while criticizing his relationship with Isaka, which seemed too close to be strictly professional.

It pissed him off. He couldn't help it; anyone would be pissed off at discovering that a coworker was sliding by with 'connections'.

"Well, haven't you seen the way Isaka looks at him?" was the sentiment that furrowed his brows, somewhere between agreement and frustration.

"It's gross… That's probably why they're always the last ones to leave."

He slammed the microwave door shut with far more force than necessary once he'd retrieved his food. It startled the gossipping interns at the table, but he paid it no mind and left the room with growing agitation.

It begged the question, in his mind, of whether or not their odd behavior could actually be explained by a homoerotic relationship. It seemed plenty reasonable, considering how close they appeared to be. And he'd seen Isaka's arm around him on more than one occasion. He always made him nervous, so it seemed.

Probably because he had feelings for him.

_Idiot._

It was some unfortunate stroke of fate that he was stuck working late, as well. Kisa and Hatori had gone home by then, sticking him with Mino… who had a bad habit of getting into people's heads.

"So, what'd the newbie say about your harmless prank?"

"He told me to 'piss off'." he lied "What do you expect?"

Mino hummed in thought. Actually, the assistant never breathed a word about the incident. Perhaps one of the most irritating traits about him was that he'd follow every request without complaint, even if it came from a guy like Takano who took advantage of it.

"You're usually pretty anal about copying your own papers, though? And you make him do things that you usually prefer to do yourself."

"I've been busy."

"We're at the beginning of our cycle, though?" he mused harmlessly. "But I guess you wouldn't give your precious work to someone who couldn't do the job."

"It just pisses me off," he admitted "that a guy like that can run around without doing any real work. Someone has to keep him busy."

Mino acknowledged this with a smile and a nod, but otherwise kept his opinions to himself. Annoyed, Takano rose from his seat and grabbed a portion of his manuscript. He didn't need any silver-spoons making any copies for him.

He still caught Onodera in the break room, though, daring to request black tea from the machine.

It was true. He did linger at night, and he was willing to bet that Isaka was running around here, too.

But why, he wondered, did it bother him so much? Every little move that he made just furthered his resentment somehow. As if he wasn't doing  _enough_ in spite of doing everything requested of him and then some, as if he were offended by his tendency to ignore the little pranks he'd throw his way every now and then.

What pissed him off most, however—

—was the fact that he struggled to control himself; now, for example, was a prime example of that.

He pushed Onodera up against the vending machine and pinned him there without thinking. As if he'd done something to deserve it. Although he couldn't manage a significant amount of coherent thought, the words that came out of his mouth were spiteful and direct.

Dangerously close to his ear, he whispered, "So how many times have you done it with Isaka?"

"H-Huh?!" his answer was predictable, "I don't-"

"You squirm around like an idiot whenever Isaka touches you. Everyone's noticed."

The boy trapped under his wrists began to thrash around and smashed a button in the process. The machine, in protest, made a few loud and unbefitting noises before he decided that this was getting too risky.

Furthermore, he was going too far. Even as a joke, this was getting dangerous.

He stepped back and released his wrists, watching him break away and run without trying to stop him. This, he realized, most likely marked the last time he'd be able to torment the newbie. Someone grabbed his shoulder and he spun around in immediate shock, wary that someone had actually seen him throughout that horrific display-

It was just Isaka, though. Smiling even though there was a serious undertone to the atmosphere. "Takano, you…"

He was frozen in place for several moments, awaiting the loss of his job, the potential crack-down on his home and finances, his  _cat-_

He laughed and slapped his shoulder, "You really like teasing the newbie! And here I thought you'd gone home already. Although…"

He was at a total loss. There was no way Isaka hadn't seen him, so… he intended to pass it off as a 'joke'?

"You might feel less like a bully if you invite him out to drink," he suggested as he turned away and walked off, adding with a final wave, "Oh, but try not to make him cry too much!"

There were several things wrong with the situation that needed to be addressed, so much so that he wasn't sure where to begin. Nor could he even fathom how to correct Isaka. Regardless, his foremost concern was finishing up for the night and leaving as soon as possible, so he returned to his department.

His copies could wait.

He'd unknowingly passed the clipboard bearing secretary on the way there, who noted his troubled behavior and keenly attributed it to Isaka's sly smile. With a sigh, Asahina followed the director and scolded him.

"You shouldn't be meddling in their affairs. You could get into serious trouble."

"Meddling? Who, me?" he feigned shock "Never! By the way, my tie came undone."

"Leave it. You're too close to clocking out to worry about it."

The denial of having his tie fixed caused him to pout "And what about you?"

"Your schedule is my schedule, sir." he crossed their final order of business off of his checklist.

Those words are what he'd wanted to hear, apparently. Isaka tried to steal a kiss, but was expectedly rejected premised on the fact that they were still at work. "It is interesting, though…" he relented with a sigh.

"What is?"

"How childlike a guy can be when he has a crush."

Asahina professionally strangled him with his own tie.

Standing in front of a stranger's abode with a bag of booze in one hand was not how he'd anticipated spending his Friday night, but that was exactly the predicament he found himself in later that week. Thanks to Isaka's sound advice and some lingering guilt, as he couldn't bring himself to use the assistant at all after his little outburst.

He knocked a few times and waited, double checking that this was in fact the correct address. A light was on inside so he was definitely home, and eventually, footsteps were resounding towards the door.

He was greeted by a man around his height, whose smile fell upon opening the door. "Uh… Can I help you?"

He checked the nameplate again. It confirmed, once again, that this was the correct address. And if anyone was out of place, it was this guy. "Is Onodera here?"

The man's frown lightened up a bit, but he seemed pretty content with standing in front of the doorway. He turned slightly to call out, "Hey Ritsu, someone's here to see you!"

The faint sound of shuffling was evident from across the room, but the entryway door was cracked so meekly that he couldn't see it. Soon enough, however, the man of the hour made his way through it to greet his visitor—

—with an understandably dumbfounded look on his face. "T-Takano?!"

"Huh, so you know this guy after all?"

Of course he did; the real question was who  _this_ guy thought he was… acting like the guardian of the damn doorway. He lifted his bag and muttered, "An apology."

"Ha, Ritsu can't drink!" commented that person, although nobody asked.

"Nao..!" Onodera balled his fists up, looked quite flustered at this accusation. Something about watching them act all buddy-buddy made him regret this spontaneous act of kindness. Soon enough, his attention returned to Takano- apologetically. "Sorry, but since I have company, I…"

"I was just leaving anyway." shrugged 'Nao', who grabbed his belongings, "I've already prepared your dinner, so stay away from the junk food. And don't let this guy drink too much, okay? He becomes a real wild animal!"

It seemed like Onodera would stop him, for a moment, as a look of panic crossed his face when the man bolted. But he quickly resigned to a short sigh and stepped aside. "Thank you… But why are you suddenly…?"

Uninterested in explaining himself, he passed the hall and made his way into the apartment, stopping briefly to remove his shoes (because he was polite, after all).

"H-Hey! You can't just barge in…" he protested.

"You don't seem like you'll kick me out." he argued as he emptied the contents of the bag on the table. It was a six-pack of beer that he'd recently bought, that he justified by explaining, "It was Isaka's idea."

The way attributing the idea to Isaka forced the assistant to come to terms with the situation really pissed him off. He supposed it was because his subordination made him too tempting to tease. "O-Oh. Okay…"

Admittedly, it was rude to corner him in his own home like this. But it did give him ample opportunity to answer the questions that'd been floating around in his head for a while. "So, why'd you transfer from your parent's company?"

He looked a little troubled as he lingered near the counter, whereas Takano had already made himself quite comfortable on the couch. "It… It was something Isaka suggested. Since I was struggling at my previous company."

There it was again, that subservience that made his blood boil. Another indication that if Isaka said jump, he'd say 'how high'. "Y'know… that sounds like bullshit."

"Huh?" his eyes narrowed, "It isn't! I-I was really-"

"I'm saying it sounds like bullshit because I know you're overqualified, considering you're just an assistant right now. You were an editor at your old place, right? It's pretty hard to flounder when you're working under your daddy's nose." he was the first to crack open a can of beer and down part of it, not necessarily feeling the effects as much as he would have liked.

"That's…" he clenched his fists. He was silent for a moment, nearly convincing Takano that he'd really just  _take it_ until he began, "Actually… It was more trouble than it was worth. Every time I worked with an author that showed results, my father would get accused of nepotism. Eventually, I couldn't work with an author longer than a month at a time before being switched out."

As he offhandedly studied his body language, he realized quickly that he was serious. This was, perhaps, the most honest thing he'd heard him say. While clearly withholding some obvious frustration. "I see."

"Ah… there was even a time when I had the opportunity to work with Akikawa. But…"

He nearly spit out his drink, " _The_ Akikawa? As in Akikawa Yayoi?"

The look that crossed his expression was unreadable, but Ritsu was certainly taken aback. He nodded, almost timidly. "Yeah… That's the one."

With genuine interest, he inquired and their conversation flowed rather smoothly as they talked about his work. They both harbored an interest in his book at young ages, apparently, and respected his talent. Onodera also recollected that working with Akikawa was, to date, his biggest success as he'd never experienced an author who could produce higher sales. But this too was foiled by the pressure his father had undergone to save face.

"After that, I quit editing for a while. Well, there were a few other reasons, but…" he'd grown comfortable enough to take a seat across from Takano, on the floor. Though he hadn't touched the beer yet.

"'Other reasons'?" his curiosity was piqued.

"Ah, it's nothing." he waved it off "Forget I said anything! A-Anyway, how long have you been working with literature? I mean…" he cut himself off before he could ramble any further.

A bit of tense silence passed, but Takano answered straightforwardly, "A few years, I think. It's been a while…" At the very least he'd started at Marukawa shortly after graduating, after Yokozawa put him in touch with Isaka. Certain specifics were fuzzy, such as the interview and little things here and there, but he knew with great certainty that he'd been an editor for the better half of his life.

Well, it was expected that he wouldn't recall those things, though. He relented that he'd been living quite methodically since his friend had passed, so his mind was almost always preoccupied back then.

"A few years? That's…" he seemed troubled, but didn't press. "Y-You must be very good at your job, to be an editor-in-chief!"

"Huh? Of course I am." was his blunt reply, "What kind of position do you think this is?"

"Oh, I didn't mean…!" nonetheless, he quieted down after his panicked explanation, even if Takano didn't seem to take much offense. He was left to sit there, rather stiffly, and stare at his beer for awhile before it enticed him with the promise of escaping this horrible silence.

And escape he certainly did, four cans later when he was absolutely gone.

It wasn't long before he was rambling about absolutely nothing and everything all at once. It was true, he really couldn't drink and his hammered stupor had him entertaining dozens of little complaints. "And… You're always so mean! Even though I… didn't-do-nothin'..."

His words had started to slur. Well, this was interesting though, so he wasn't cut-off quite yet. "I'm mean to you? I hadn't noticed."

"Yeah! And…" he was resting his upper half upon the table and flailing. "And you're so… So… You look so much alike… Even though," he was prepared to fall asleep.

The assertion caught Takano off guard, however, and he prodded him. "Hey, wake up. Finish what you were saying. Who looks alike?"

"You do…!" he mumbled in his fit of half-sleep, "You look like… Takano. Hah, Takano…"

"I am Takano."

"You are… but you're not…"

It appeared that this realization was making him emotional, though it was utter nonsense. He reached out to Takano the way one would reach out to a distant mirage and tried to grab him, but he wasn't even close.

Unsure of how long he ought to allow this pathetic sight to go on, he continued to worm answers out of him. "How do you feel about Isaka?"

Onodera laid on his side, watching Takano's feet as if they were the source of the question and thought as much as his flooded brain could think. "Isa..ka? Ah… No, I can't say…"

"You can't? Because you have feelings for him." he guessed, but his victim shook his head vehemently.

"N-No… I can't. I don't…! I…"

His protests were very unconvincing. And he hadn't received the answer that he'd wanted (anticipated, really, because how logical was it for an assistant to have feelings for the company director?) so he was no longer interested in this game. He got to his feet, "You're cut off. Go lay down or something."

As he cleaned up the beer cans, Onodera laid on his back and whined about how cruel fate was, when he was forced to want someone so awful. It didn't add up, but it was frustrating enough to make Takano grimace, as he handled his coworker by his shoulders and hoisted him up.

"It's time to lay down." hauling his groggy ass to the bedroom was not easy, nor was stepping over tons of miscellaneous laundry. But he didn't receive as much protest as he expected.

He dropped him flat on the bed, where he laid down and turned his head to the side in a daze. Evidently, he really was a horrible drunk. "T...Takano…" he whispered with the scent of alcohol heavy on his breath. His hands were reaching in the dark towards Takano's face, and when they found it, he caressed him gently.

Looking at the drunk and undone man below him, his self control dwindled fast. To hear his name called as if he were someone dear to this person, who was essentially a stranger, caused an indescribable pain in his heart.

 _Are you really thinking about me?_ He wondered knowing full well that there were likely several more probable candidates. That Nao person, for one, and Isaka, and anyone else who knew how to treat him gently.

His eyes unknowingly drifted towards the headboard, found the end table and gawked. There were a few random objects strewn about it, some with functionality, such as the alarm clock, and others were apparently momentos. A stone with something cryptic and sweet written on it followed by a picture that he dwelled on for the longest moment.

It was a picture of Ritsu, years younger, with another man's arm wrapped around him. Everything about it indicated that they were and probably still remained close friends. "Who is that?" he asked.

Onodera was only vaguely there, "Huh?" glancing at the picture from an uncomfortable angle. "It's… Noo…Can't say..."

Nonsense. That's what this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out to be so long that it had to be turned into a two parter.


	15. Takano - Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like this is it. Hope you enjoy the smut!

Something snapped inside of him, and whatever it was had priorly been working very hard to establish some semblance of composure. It wasn't Onodera's fault, really, that there was an unquellable fury burning in his chest at the mere thought of him. He removed Onodera's hands from his face and wrapped his palms around each wrist, holding him there so that he'd have no choice but to look him in the eye as he asserted, "You… have the demeanor of someone who's already been held by a man."

This was neither confirmed nor denied, but Onodera was writhing either way. "A-Ah, wait… I…"

He was coherent enough to understand that this situation was getting dangerous, at the very least, but Takano was not backing down. The little monster in his mind that enjoyed tormenting this perfectly innocent person would not desist. He ran his tongue along his neck and bit down on a spot that was easily visible.

"T-Takano…!" he turned his head and unwittingly provided better access. His efforts to escape were futile and clumsy to begin with. Like he didn't really want to.

_Is it because anyone is fine? Even if it's me._

His blood boiled and he stuck his tongue in his mouth out of spite, greedily drinking up his moans and slurping at his beer-dipped tongue. The taste was quite literally intoxicating, to the point where he wondered if he hadn't consumed too many beers, himself. This judgment of his was certainly ailing after all.

"Mm… Nn, T-Taka...no…" was his only cry of protest and it was evidently half-hearted.

He'd let go of his wrists, nearly urging escape. Knowing he wouldn't stop unless he were slapped right here, but nobody hit him and Onodera was growing more and more tantalizing as a consequence. Boldly, he helped him slide his shirt over his head and made several marks around his chest, dragging his tongue across his stomach until he reached the dip in his waist.

Takano looked up and for a brief moment, Ritsu held his gaze. "I'm going to make you forget about your ex." He didn't give him enough time to look confused; he grabbed him by his hips and raised them, ushering his pants and boxers off quickly.

Naked, flushed and hard, the sight of his pretty coworker underneath him rendered any further restraint he may have exercised utterly useless. Thereafter every movement he made was perpetuated not by thought, but the animalistic behavior that overcame him whenever  _he_ crossed his mind.

He took Onodera's member into his mouth and sucked it carefully. His tongue was masterfully captivating all of his senses, and he knew this because of the way his toes and fingers curled with pleasure. There were several desperate moans of pleasure that followed before he gripped his hair, tugged it and begged, "N-No more… Please… I'll come… Hah…!"

He pulled away from it and began to work on the zipper of his own pants, lowering it all below his waist so that his cock slipped out and practically dripped with anticipation. "I don't have any lube… So you'll have to use your mouth."

Onodera struggled to his knees, eventually able to lean forward and hold Takano's arm in an effort to steady himself. He was drunk, but surely aware of what those implications were; it confirmed one creeping suspicion that he'd had: this was not his first time being held by a man.

"Oh…" he dumbly gripped the shaft with a red and frustrated face. As if debating whether this was even possible, so Takano helped him along. He firmly gripped the back of his hair and urged his mouth around his dick in one quick yank. "Mmf-! Mm...Mn...H-Hr…"

His hesitation melted away, by the looks of it, because soon enough his tongue was swirling around the length of it, licking and sucking away at it clumsily. He wasn't skilled, but the way his head began to bob indicated that neither of them would last much longer if this kept up.

Takano waited for a long moment, clenching his hair tightly as he caught himself in the heat of near-climax. Quickly, he pulled Ritsu's head away and pushed him down, laying right on top of him. His head was right next to his ear. He bit the lobe and swirled the tongue around it, while his hips pushed against his with utter want.

Onodera wanted it, too, by the looks of it. He was gripping his shoulders tight, holding him close and shifting his hips in a way that intensified the friction between them. "Shit…" he griped in his ear as he felt his climax approaching "You want it…?"

The answer was obvious, his eyes were tearing up with overstimulation and practically begging. Nonetheless, Takano stubbornly stilled their hips until he was given what he wanted.

Ritsu, who eventually caught on, was forced to concede with a nod and a pitiful moan of neglect. "I...I want it...Please…" his legs were unconsciously spreading "Put it in…"

He sat up, needing no further encouragement and positioned himself at his entrance. He grabbed Onodera's arms and gripped his elbows, steadying him so that his ass was pressed right against Takano's hard-on; a final, necessary tease before he pulled his hips back and penetrated him in one merciless lurch.

He tossed his head back in a way that was just too cute, too familiar as he tried to come to terms with the pain and the pleasure coursing throughout his body. "Ah-! Ahn… N-No… Too...big-"

Though he said that, he was tightening around him nicely. "Relax… Hah." he took a deep breath; staying composed was hard for him, too. "It's not even fully inside you, yet."

"I can't… I can't…!" he resisted the grip on his arms, likely trying to cover his face but it was no use.

Takano had no intentions of letting him go until they both were milked dry. He waited for a long, agonizing moment; it took a bit, but Onodera eventually adjusted and accepted more of him, inch by inch. But he was an impatient man.

With one harsh thrust, he was fully sheathed inside and the boy beneath him was suffering from lewd protests, and the way he was squirming certainly didn't help. "Hah..! Tak..ano…"

"Keep doing that," he urged as he settled into a torturously slow pace, entering him fully and then removing himself until the tip remained; just to snap his hips and get inside him again.

"M-More…" came his shameful plea, "I want...to cum...Please, let me…"

What kind of person would he be, to deny a cute and honest request like that. "Alright, here you go." There was a slight smile on his face, he was smug.

Every thrust became sharp and deep. The bed creaked with every rock of his hips and Onodera's body could only desperately  _feel it_ , as he was held so firmly in Takano's grasp that he couldn't even reach for the sheets. Takano, as well, was so overcome with pleasure that his nails were digging into his wrists and bruising them. It wasn't like him, to be so rough.

Then again, he'd never been particularly gentle, either. And given the way Onodera kept moaning, wrapping his legs around him and moaning like a slut with every thick movement, it seemed like he didn't mind being held this way.

They were both pent up, so it seemed. Neither lasted particularly long, but Onodera came first, across both of their chests and by the end of the orgasm, though he'd tightened up uncontrollably, the rest of him was absolutely limp. Takano didn't mind, though. Because even though he hadn't cum yet, the feeling of his greedy hole trying to  _stay_ fucked was more than satisfying.

"Oh…" he groaned as he neared his climax, still taking Ritsu's limp body, 'til his stomach knotted up with the promise of release. "Hey… Lift your head."

He couldn't, really. But Takano was kind enough to help him out, though he had to forfeit the hold on his arms that'd granted him an odd sensation of dominance. He held the back of his head and urged him forward.

He flushed immediately at the sight of where they were connected and shut his eyes eyes tightly. This was expected, and Takano pulled out before he could fully understand what was going on—

—Takano had his release, of course. All over his face and chest, but Onodera seemed more interested in collapsing from exhaustion than yelling at him. In fact, he fell asleep rather quickly- which was almost a shame.

Takano remained awake long enough to stare at the mess he'd made and criticize himself for being so ruthless, for no good reason other than some type of childish agenda to demean and humiliate his coworker in every conceivable way. Moreover, he'd even made the effort of degrading his face when using the sheets would have been fine.

He couldn't bring himself to stay til morning, although that would have been courteous. Then again, if he were courteous he would have adhered to Isaka's warning in the first place. But with a bit too much pride, he'd made Onodera cry after all. In his place, he left a note on his end table, next to that precious framed picture of his where he would most likely see it.

Thinking crudely of himself, he quickly dressed and left the room. This guilt of his wouldn't go away… but neither could he bring himself to regret his actions.

" _If you don't want the whole company to know that you'll sleep with anyone who gets you drunk enough, come to xx tomorrow night."_

Perhaps it was because of his rotten upbringing, but he was really resenting the part of himself that wanted so badly to snuff out this person's innocence.

What formulated in the passing months was something along the lines of a sex-friend situation, rooted upon a bit of blackmail. Or more accurately, an empty threat.

It was ludicrous to consider seriously blackmailing the guy, after all, and he was sure that Onodera was aware of this. He had to be. But he never really brought it up, never reported it to anyone who would have surely had Takano fired in a matter of minutes. Yes, he was certainly capable of this…

Yet, he was there when he called, they often ate together and had sex afterwards, sometimes before. It was more or less an established routine at this point, that neither of them complained about. Perhaps because they were both benefiting from this type of relationship.

Now, however, was one of the rare occasions in which Takano had gotten impatient. After a particularly racy dream ( _those_ popped up more frequently nowadays) he'd called Onodera and although his apartment was farther than was convenient, he arrived and they ate breakfast together. Then he fucked him from behind and their plans after that were still up in the air.

He pulled out of Ritsu, stalling momentarily as he admired the shape of his back. Everything about him was captivating, down to the skin, the bruises from being held a bit too much and the remnants of their 'fun' dripping down the inside of his thighs. It was quite a sight, really.

Onodera always needed a bit longer to recover. He was panting heavily, so Takano courteously offered a glass of water.

He nodded, before immediately turning to lay on his side as his legs trembled. "Thank...you." His voice was slightly hoarse.

Takano was modest enough to dress his lower half as he retrieved the glass of water and brought it back, urging Onodera to sit up as if he was sickly and needed the help. "Are you busy today?" Predictably, he was swatted away.

He took several long swigs and wiped some sweat off his brow. "I promised I'd meet Nao for lunch."

He was irritated enough to remark, "You're awfully confident in your ability to walk after this."

"Shut up…!" he mumbled with his lips pressed against the glass. He downed it quickly and let out a refreshing gasp. Then he wiped his lips and retorted, "I'll have to deal with it either way, thanks to  _someone._ "

"So? Just cancel." he took the glass and held it, dutifully awaiting the request for a refill.

"Nao asked first. He shouldn't be inconvenienced just because you're impulsive, asking me to come here this early in the morning..."

"You didn't have to come."

"You would have complained."

That was true, but he digressed. "You let me push you around too much, y'know that?"

"You'll do it whether I 'let you' or not, right?" he pointed out, and was probably right. "Ah, I'm going to use your shower." he got off the bed and hit the floor.

"Idiot…" Takano helped him up, though he was being assaulted in the process with protests of 'I can do it myself!'

Still, it was worth it, seeing Ritsu red-faced and dumbfounded. So he helped him into the bathroom until he insisted he could do it on his own,  _convincingly_ as he actually managed to stand on his own two feet.

Takano left him and prepared breakfast for two, deciding he was entitled to at least one meal with the idiot. As he fried their eggs, he wondered briefly if Nao was aware of the relationship they had, and just how  _deeply_ he'd gotten to know Onodera as of late. He almost wanted him to be aware of it, though it was just that childish part of him lashing out again.

_What is this relationship, anyway?_ It was still unclear. They weren't quite lovers, and while 'sex friends' was the most applicable term, it seemed inaccurate.

Onodera wasn't the only sex friend he'd ever had, but he was the only sex friend he saw and played with on a consistent basis. He was also the only one he'd ever bothered to eat with and get to know on a somewhat personal level, though there were still boundaries that they didn't cross.

He never asked about that person in the frame, for example. Partially because he was wary of the answer, and Ritsu just looked so damn infuriatingly sad when he looked at it. Whether it was someone he still missed or not, he just didn't want to know.

Otherwise, he'd learned all sorts of little things about him that he never would have cared to know if he were  _just_ a sex friend. Like his birthday, his favorite subject, his shoe size… Oh, he had anemia. Something he'd learned the hard way. He'd also learned that Ritsu had been assaulted some time before transferring to Marukawa, by an attacker whose face he could not remember. The scars were still on his chest.

Sometimes his chest ached a little too.

The shower stopped running. By then, the meal was ready and plated, so he brought it to the living room and waited for Onodera who stepped out not long after, fully clothed but limping. "Thank you for… Huh, you made breakfast already?"

Something bugged him. He scooted back on the sofa, so that there was a wide, open space in front of his legs and he patted the available cushion.

Puzzled, Ritsu got closer. "Uh, what are you…! Hey-!" He was promptly pulled into the seat, the towel he'd strewn around his neck was seized and immediately used to dry out his hair.

"You should learn to do this shit yourself." he suggested, though it probably wouldn't have satisfied him anyway.

He wasn't being fought, but Onodera did remind him, "Your breakfast is getting cold, let go!"

He spitefully wrapped his arms around him and held him there. "I made you a plate, too. So stay and eat with me."

"I told you… already…!" he squirmed "I can't stay here all day, so…!" it didn't help him though.

"I know. You can leave after breakfast… Or are you the type of person who just wants me for my body?" he accused, feigning disbelief.

If he were strong enough, he would have turned around and hit him. He settled on the most straightforward method of escape instead. "Alright! I'll eat with you… But I'm not canceling on Nao!" he was released with a clumsy 'drop' that found him face-first on the floor.

"Wow, what a clutz…"

" _I'll choke you-"_

As promised, he let him go once they'd shared a meal and talked a bit about their progress at work. Soon enough, Ritsu was scheduled to transfer to the literature department, might even work under his team, but this was still to-be-determined, according to Isaka. Part of the reason he'd been given such an entry-level position in the first place was because of his weak constitution, so Takano's spartan-paced work ethic was intimidating.

It wasn't as though he'd allow him to work himself to death, though… And frankly, it was irritating, watching Onodera underestimate his capabilities because of a little physical weakness. Watching him in general was irritating, because he caught himself doing it more often than what was appropriate for their relationship, or lack-thereof. But it was addictive.

_This_ was addictive.

For that reason, he called Onodera again that afternoon to ask him if he was busy. He wasn't.

He paid him a visit at his place, though it required navigated a minefield of garbage. Takano was polite enough to prepare dinner beforehand so that they could eat together, and Ritsu complained, "I'm going to collapse if we keep doing it twice in one day, like this…!"

"Huh? That's not why I'm here." he washed out a few dirty dishes so that he could plate the food, "Besides, why do you think I feed you so much? Can't have you fainting again…"

His face flushed red at the memory, "Th- _That's_ why you feed me?!"

No. But it was better if he believed that was the reason, so he kept quiet. "You know… Your place is a dump."

"It can't be helped! Nao hasn't been coming over lately, so…" he compensated for the lack of cleanliness by kicking his mess into one corner.

He wouldn't comment on how happy that made him, and instead settled on bringing the meal to him. As he set it down, he heard something rather unexpected.

"Oh… your birthday is coming up soon, isn't it?"

He was surprised because he, too, had completely forgotten about it. "...I guess so." he took a bite of his rice.

"I… Ah…" he stammered for some time, it didn't take a genius to pick up on what he was trying to insinuate.

"Leave that day open… We'll go for a drive." it wasn't much, but it was far more than he'd expected to get out of that pitiful waste of a day.

"S-Sure! I'll try to stay available," he had a bad habit of scarfing his food down when he was nervous. Then paused, unconsciously gaping a bit. "Ha… That reminds me…"

Takano watched him and waited.

"O-Oh, nothing!" he corrected himself quickly. "I was just reminded of something that happened a few years ago."

"What happened?"

"Huh?"

He set his plate aside, then passed a look to Ritsu that essentially demanded a bit more common sense from him.

"...Ten years… No, eleven years ago? I was...in a bad accident."

His eyes widened. He recalled  _that_ rumor floating around, but had never given it much attention. Hearing it from the horse's mouth actually gave him a reason to listen. "You were  _what?_ "

"Like I said, it's nothing! It was so long ago, I can barely remember it." he lied, and it was obvious that he was lying.

"Geez… How the hell are you alive, you idiot…?"

There were so many loaded questions floating around in his head that he couldn't bring himself to entertain his appetite. Things like "what if he hadn't survived" and "what if it happens again", things that he really didn't want to think about.

It became apparent to him that this was the type of person who faced a lot of obstacles. With his diet, his anemia needed to be taken seriously. Because he was a little spoiled rich kid, allowing him to walk around at night could lead to disaster. And he was accident prone so it was best to hold him on a tight leash at all times, especially among traffic. Furthermore…

"That person in the picture… Is he your ex?" he'd tried on more than one occasion to bring it up, but his answer was dodged every single time. Or rather, the answer merely felt incomplete.

Onodera nearly spit out his food. "N-No! I told you… Haitani was just… a very good friend of mine."

There was that face again. That stupid, forlorn look of his that kept the full story under wraps. Like he didn't deserve to know. "I don't know too many people that look like they want to be held by their friends."

It was his turn to be irritated. "Huh?! It wasn't like that at all…! And anyway, it's none of your business!" he brought his plate to the sink, unknowingly inciting a fire.

It burned inside of Takano, who had just been unwittingly reminded of his position in this man's life. He was not a 'friend', he was someone who demanded sex.

"...Fine." he conceded and rose to his feet "It's none of my business."

Without thinking, he grabbed Onodera's arm and led him to the bedroom, in spite of his protests. He tossed him on the bed and climbed on top of him.

"T-Takano! Cut it out, what's your problem?!" he asked as his neck was being ravaged. It didn't feel good, it just  _hurt,_ like Takano was just trying to bite him out of spite.

"Sex is all this is to you, right? It's just an order from your future boss." he began to undress, 'helped' Ritsu out of his clothes by roughly yanking his shirt off over his head.

They'd done it rough plenty of times, but something about the way things were going at that moment felt different. Takano knew he wasn't in full control of himself, that it was best to stop. But he was addicted, just kept touching Onodera and holding onto his cries of pain as he bit into his chest over and over, challenging each scar with a mark of his own.

"Takano… Slow down.." he pleaded "W-We've already done it, today…"

"Don't worry." he cupped Ritsu's face. What should have been a sweet exchange was ruined by his condescending words. "I'll be sure to give you a promotion after this. Just like you wanted."

The look of hurt that crossed his face was fleeting, and almost immediately replaced with rage.

He slapped Takano across the face. It resounded throughout the room with an unpleasant noise that stilled them both, but Ritsu was the first to speak. "If that's what you think this is… Leave!"

Their expressions were equally unreadable as neither of them could bear to look one another in the eye for that instance of fury.

What passed was a long and tense moment of silence, before Takano pinned him down and  _made him_ look "I don't care if you're still in love with your ex."

Instead of fearful, he looked confused. "Wha…?"

"I said I don't care." he snapped, "No matter how close you were.  _He_ shouldn't be the reason for that fucking pathetic look in your eyes whenever you think about him. Stop saying his name in your sleep like you miss him,  _stop_ looking so lonely every time we eat dinner together. Like I'm someone else in your mind."

Ritsu couldn't find the words to speak. He wasn't given the chance.

With a gentle caress, Takano threaded his fingers through his hair. "I'm the one you're eating with… I'm the one having sex with you. So think of  _me_ damnit! Nobody else… If you're going to be in love with anyone, then let it be me!"

He'd never seen him more passionate than he was at that instant, yelling at his face with a clumsy confession like that… He was still at a loss for words, and couldn't stop Takano when he got off of him and left the room, pausing at the door in order to add his final declaration, "And by the way… Whether you're still hung up on your ex or not. I'm going to make you say that you love me."

Takano slammed the door on his way out.

Ritsu was left to sit there on his bed and seriously consider his confession.

... As if he needed to.

Tears fell down his face, and frankly he was glad that Takano wasn't there to see this, because it would have been very hard to explain, why he was sobbing over a promise that he couldn't even remember making. It couldn't be helped, though. Because it's not as though these were tears of sorrow,

He was just amazed that his heart could continue beating like this, rapidly longing for someone he'd never really parted from, and could never get enough of.

He rubbed his eyes and stifled a smile. "You idiot…!"

1 year later

It wasn't uncommon for these dreams to come around.

He was back to his youth, sitting in his hospital bed and from the looks of the amount of IV drips and medical tools required to keep his body functional, he supposed that this had taken place not long after the accident. But true to his insatiable desire, he was reading.

He couldn't remember  _what_ he had read, as the words were a mere blur on the page and the book was set aside. As he looked up, he wondered about a few things; like where An was, how his parents were doing and when he'd be able to leave this place. If he'd heal faster if he did exactly as the doctors said.

The best part about being on the third floor was that it had the best view of the street, and his bed was fortunately near enough to the window so that he could watch everyone pass by. If he were lucky enough, they'd leave the window open and permit a slight breeze, which was one of the most calming sensations he could afford while reading.

Today was one of those days, so it seemed. And the window wasn't just cracked, it was wide open. Japan was amid the prime of Spring, flourishing with its abundant cherry blossoms. It was, perhaps, the worst time to be hospitalized. If only because watching the students mingle down below made him long for the days in which he could return to school.

There were plenty of people out and about today; couples, too, holding hands and flirting beneath the trees. Admittedly, he wasn't interested in experiencing this sort of thing with An, but…

If just one day, he could be selfish enough to experience Spring with someone he loved, then he would be perfectly content for the rest of his life, anemic or not.

As the people down below notably began to fidget, some girls holding down their skirts, he realized that a particularly strong gust of wind had passed through.

He hadn't expected it to reach  _him_ of all people, but it did. It blew through the window, carrying a symphony of cherry blossom petals in its Spring parade. His eyes widened as those small blossoms landed in every conceivable place, leading him to believe that the doctors would have quite a fit later on. The nurse would be so flustered, trying to sweep this mess up, and probably comment on his big smile that had been so elusive since the accident.

He didn't mind at all, though. Even if he had to spend the rest of his days picking petals out of his hair.

Onodera awoke, wrapped in blankets and a gentle breeze. Furthermore, he was pressed against someone who was warm. "Where… am I?" he wondered.

It took a moment, but he realized that they were at Takano's apartment, as his place was had a much better view of the street. It was Spring again, and the trees were in full bloom. Something he never grew tired of seeing, though it was a shame that they never lasted long.

As he continued to sit up and stare out the window, he spotted his apartment door in the distance. It was surreal, to see it so close by.

" _Still, I never thought he'd move into the complex across the road-"_

His waist was grabbed and he was pulled back down into the bed, by someone who was very much awake. "Don't get up."

"I wasn't getting up..!" he argued.

"Liar."

He'd grown used to spending his mornings this way, waking up in Takano's arms, mostly to a childish argument of some sort. "I'm not…!"

"I'll make breakfast." he sat up tiredly, his chest was bare. It was quite eye-catching, and there were times in which Ritsu still had to stop himself from staring.

He was caught nonetheless. "You know… You'd get used to it if you'd just move in with me."

This was something they'd discussed on many occasions, which Ritsu mostly approached with apprehension because he wasn't quite sure how to explain moving one crosswalk away to his parents. Even so, lately it seemed that the benefits were beginning to outweigh the cons.

It's not as though he ever really went home that often nowadays… But it couldn't be helped.

He considered it again, with a faint smile on his lips. He couldn't quite explain why he'd woken up in such a good mood, nor why his gaze was stuck on the trees outside and the people that walked between them, friends and lovers alike. Perhaps it was selfish, but he decided he would wait until breakfast to give Takano his answer.

A particularly strong breeze passed through the trees, startling the people outside, but the window was wide opened and Ritsu was more than willing to watch the influx of blossoms as they traversed the apartment.

They did cause quite a mess, and Takano even cursed about what a pain it would be to clean it all up. However, before Takano could find an excuse to get out of bed, he turned over—

—and laughed. Because several petals had landed in Takano's hair, which he proceeded to absentmindedly pick out. As they shared a kiss, Ritsu decided that it would be best to deliver his answer over breakfast. Because if they were going to surpass another milestone in their relationship, he wanted to do it while sharing a meal, as proper lovers.

 

* * *

_End._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I can't believe this is the end... Please, feel free to let me know what you'd think. I've written many multi-chaptered fics before but I feel like this one has turned out to be the best in terms of quality. And I actually really enjoyed writing this, so much so that not having to do it anymore is going to feel very empty. 
> 
> Honestly, I was thinking about turning Takano's side into a sequel. But I figured I'd be merciful and make things short and sweet? And I think it turned out alright. See, I'm not so cruel as to stick you guys with a bittersweet cliffhanger forever. 
> 
> Anyways, if you have any questions, feel free to ask! There were plenty of things that I feel as though I didn't get the chance to address since they weren't really necessary to the main plot. Although what happened with Haitani and Ijuuin may potentially be addressed in a future fic if I ever feel like writing it, please feel free to ask me about anything that stuck out to you! 
> 
> Otherwise, thanks for reading! And thank you to everyone who left comments, those are like speed to a writer. I hope to write for you all again soon!


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